Summary:  Part 10 of "Home".
Copyright March 2001 Cassatt

"That's it," a disembodied voice called out into the studio. The lights changed to ambient.

Lisa Landry smiled broadly at her guests who were collapsing, each in their own way. "You two did great, just great," she assured them.

Kathryn was staring up at the ceiling, sprawled against the back of her chair, trying to breathe. There was a humming sound in her ears as if her blood were circulating so quickly her veins were vibrating. She turned her head to check on her partner.

Chakotay's head was in his hands, elbows on his knees. He, too was trying to breathe. There was no humming sound, but he was contemplating how his life had reached this point. Having to tell the world that he was a good man, that he deserved to be forgiven for actions he didn't deem to be wrong. Making life miserable for Cardassians hardly felt like something to go to prison for. He sighed and turned to look at his partner.

"You okay, honey," Kathryn asked him.

"Don't know, how are you doing?" He reached out and took her hand gently, needing once more to feel her skin, her pulse.

"I don't know either..."

They felt hands tapping their knees the moment before noise and movement surrounded them. They rose from their chairs to accept the praise and support, overwhelmed by the effusive nature of it, unable to respond much, content to let it all happen around them.

Lt. Com. Mueller gently parted the group and pulled them both aside, assuring them that the interview had gone perfectly as far as he was concerned. Their points had been made. Chakotay came across as, well, Chakotay. Mueller couldn't be more pleased. If he noticed the almost catatonic response he was getting he didn't let on.

Lisa again expressed her gratitude and hoped they'd contact her first if they needed any more press coverage. Kathryn and Chakotay came to enough to thank her, she had put them at ease and helped them momentarily forget the unknown number of viewers. Momentarily.

As friends and family chatted and joked with them, Chakotay appeared to relax finally. B'Elanna watched him getting absorbed into a discussion of the latest international wrestling match with Tom, Harry and Phoebe. She took the opportunity to pull the Captain aside. They sat in the audience seats.

"B'Elanna, are you all right," Kathryn asked, worried there was something seriously wrong from the expression on B'Elanna's face.

"I'm fine. I only wanted to have a private talk with you. It's about Chakotay." B'Elanna steeled herself, and, remembering who her ancestors were sat up straighter. "I consider myself his family. Though I am thrilled you've agreed to marry him... I don't want to see him get hurt again." She breathed with relief that the words were said and waited for the death glare.

Kathryn knew tears were filling her eyes. She was powerless to stop the process. She also knew this incredibly proud woman sitting in front of her had more bravery in her little finger than half of Starfleet. She reached out and clasped B'Elanna's hands. "That took a lot of guts to say. I ... I can't guarantee he'll never be hurt again, but I can promise you I have no intention of backing off, changing my mind, or taking him for granted. Hopefully I learned my lesson. I love him with all of my heart, B'Elanna, I promise. Honestly, I can't imagine a day without him. I really can't, okay?" She wiped her cheeks dry.

B'Elanna impulsively embraced her. "Thank you, Captain."

"Now can you do something for me? Please start calling me Kathryn?" She pulled back to meet B'Elanna's eyes. "I'm no longer the Captain. You're my friend and Chakotay's sister. Besides, we can't have your beautiful daughter calling me 'Captain' now, can we?"

B'Elanna didn't really know how to respond, her emotions suddenly no longer under control. She felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks. "This damned pregnancy, my hormones are all over the place," she muttered as she brushed her cheeks. "Okay, Kathryn, I'll give it my best shot. My...daughter does need a decent name for you," she said with a chuckle, "if she ever gets here, that is. Not that I'm the least bit ready for her..." The tears threatened again.

"Oh, B'Elanna, why do you say that? You'll be a great mother!"

"You know what a horrible role model my mother was...I don't know what the hell I'm doing..."

"Now, now, don't worry. Marie will be there for you, and I will, and Chakotay, you just rely on us, that's what we're here for. Really."

"Tom's sisters are coming next week. They've both had children, and he practically worships them, I guess I'm thinking I'll not measure up or something. Kahless, listen to me. Some brave Klingon..." she muttered, staring at her hands moving together on her lap.

Kathryn tipped B'Elanna's face up by the chin. "B'Elanna Torres, listen to me. You have more backbone than almost any woman I've ever known. I would put book in one of Tom's pools on you any time, any time. This little girl is so incredibly lucky to have you, and Tom. Have I ever lied to you?"

B'Elanna laughed softly, then began to cry. Kathryn hugged her as much as the baby and the chairs would allow, her own tears falling. She noticed over her shoulder that Chakotay was watching them, concerned. Tom's eyes were darting toward them as well. The tears of both were subsiding. Kathryn pulled back.

"There are two men who are getting quite worried about us. Not used to seeing us cry, I'd bet, at least not together," she smiled at her.

B'Elanna snorted quietly. "They can just damned well get used to it... Thank you, Kathryn," she said with a smile.

"You're welcome. Now, when do we get to go shopping for baby clothes....."

Waiting in the transporter hub for their turn, both Kathryn and Chakotay noticed the difference. People around them no longer stared, though if eyes met, they smiled for a moment and broke eye contact. Kathryn sighed deeply, pulling herself more tightly to Chakotay's waist, relaxing into his chest as he returned the embrace, with his arm around her shoulders. She refocused on the conversation, hearing Gretchen and Chakotay talking about grandchildren. She smiled to herself and absently placed her free hand on her abdomen. Was there a little fetus in there? Would she know if it happened?

"....heard that twins are not out of the question," Phoebe said with a laugh, meeting Kathryn's eyes directly.

"Or triplets, definitely," Chakotay said with a chuckle.

Kathryn just stared at Phoebe, then looked up at Chakotay, and finally at her mother. All three were smiling at her broadly. She had the distinct feeling of being ganged up on. In desperation, she slapped Chakotay on the stomach. "You will pay for that, mister. I am not going to carry more than one!"

This was clearly not effective, because all three just laughed in response. She had a fleeting thought, remembering when not so long ago she was in charge. She sighed.

Chakotay suddenly realized he had been in the process of hanging up his suit jacket for longer than necessary. He could feel Kathryn's eyes on him. He moved away from the closet and turned.

"I'm okay, Kathryn, really," he said in an attempt to reassure her.

"Um-hm. Now, why don't you tell me the truth?" She approached him and placed her palms on his chest. This was the one single move that could always undo him for some reason. He almost suspected that she knew it, too, and had for more than just a few years.

He sighed in resignation, not wanting to burden her with the turmoil that had overtaken him when they all finally got home. "It's probably just a reaction. I'm feeling...uncomfortably exposed. Having to tell the world why I'm a good man, why I don't deserve to go to prison, have my personal qualities discussed in such a public way. How many people watched that? We've never even asked. I don't want to know.... I just hated it. All of it...."

"I know, honey. I'm sorry," Kathryn said. She studied his face, saw the almost hooded look in his eyes, wanting desperately to take it all away. "Is there anything you can do for yourself? Besides the library trip this afternoon, I mean. Would a vision quest help? Meditation?"

He considered the possibilities. "A vision quest would. A little chat with my ancestors is overdue, it's been days, and I promised myself I'd be more diligent this week. I guess I got a little distracted," he said with a smile, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. He relished the closeness, almost craved it just then, his need for her, his desire for her resurfacing with a strength that caused him to gasp lightly. He bent his head to her neck and nuzzled the soft skin there, feeling her sigh into it and begin to move her fingernails over his back.

Kathryn knew that another minute of this and she'd be throwing him down on their bed. She pulled back, shaking her head. "Chakotay, we've got to get our clothes changed, have lunch..." She turned her back to him. "Do you think you can unzip my dress for me? And be good?" She chuckled.

He didn't answer but took the zipper down, then the sight of her back, so inviting, caused his hands to disobey their orders, traveling around her waist to the soft skin of her belly, her neck and shoulders aching for his mouth to caress them, which he did willingly. He felt her give in, sinking against his chest after pushing her dress off. His hands moved up and down the front of her, heading under the lace of her underwear, his lips kissing her neck, her cheek...

She pulled abruptly away, spinning around. "No, Chakotay, we can't...." Meeting his eyes she saw they were in big trouble. They were black with desire, the gaze penetrating. Shit. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it on the chair, moving forward, undoing the clasp of his pants, a grin on his face that could only be described as lustful.

"Cha-ko-tay....we can't....Mom and Phoebe are just down the hall," she was laughing however even as she backed away from him. The back of her legs hit the bed and she turned quickly, heading away from that dangerous place. She knew if he kept coming at her with that look on his face her fight would be over quickly. Her knees were already as weak as her resolve. "No," she tried again. He merely smiled fully and quickened his pace. She was about to be cornered. He was a good tactitian, no doubt about it. He had her right where he wanted her. Well, almost, she thought dimly. There was no way she was going to let him pin her against the wall, she'd never be able to resist. She made a move and tried to dash around him.

He caught her easily, laughing, grabbing her waist with both hands as she squealed in surprise. "Sh-h-h, love, or they'll hear you," he said, chuckling, as he lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her passionately, pursuasively, deeply.

Kathryn was a goner and knew it. His kisses were intoxicating. With a moan, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into her as she felt herself being lifted by two strong hands cupping her buttocks. She quickly put her legs around his waist as he groaned into her throat. He walked to the bed and lowered them as gently as possible, still kissing deeply. Once down, he pulled back and laughed softly.

"Gotcha," he said huskily.

"Yes, you do," she replied just as huskily. "Just be quick, and quiet about it." She laughed with him as they swiftly divested themselves of clothing and pulled the bedspread back.....

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A mere fifteen minutes later she was tracing his tattoo, sprawled across his chest, their eyes locking, speaking silently to each other. Kathryn saw the stress he felt earlier hiding in the shadows of his brown irises. She caressed his face.

"I wish I could make it all go away," she told him quietly. "I love you, but that's not enough. I need you, but that's not going to stop the tribunal..."

Chakotay put his finger over her lips. "You're wrong. The love you give me is enough. It's more than enough. Yes, it's not going to make this whole mess go away, and it's not going to guarantee that I'll still be by your side a week from now, but I couldn't survive without it."

"Yes, you could. You're a survivor," she said with intensity. She needed to believe that she could survive without him, as well.

"There's surviving and there's living. Let me rephrase that. I couldn't live without it."

Kathryn put her head down, her face against his neck and closed her eyes against the tears that were forming. The attempt to stop them was useless with Chakotay's arms holding her tightly to him. She lay in the safest place in the world and let them fall, softly sobbing, allowing herself a little breakdown.

"I couldn't live without it either," she said when she had calmed. She took a very deep breath and raised herself again. "Now, we'd better get up, lunch is probably all ready and you are due for a vision quest, I believe."

"Tell Gretchen I'll be there soon? Save me some food?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure she's desperate to mother the heck out of you..."

"Sounds good to me," he replied and pulled her mouth down to his for one more kiss.

Kathryn stood resting against the counter looking out to the backyard. Her mother and sister bustled around her, getting dishes, the food they had prepared from the cold storage and the iced tea that Chakotay kept on hand. She watched a hummingbird drink nectar from some bright orange flowers that grew in large, grass like clumps. It was such a tiny bird. It had existed for centuries, and yet it was dependent upon tubular flowers, or feeders that people put in their yards, it's appetite voracious out of necessity. Suddenly another hummer swooped in and the two began to dive at each other, chattering rapidly. They dipped and dived and attacked furiously in an attempt to reign supreme over the clump of orange flowers......

"....sheilds are at 26%" Tuvok called out.

"Reroute power from secondary systems, Harry," Chakotay yelled.

Sparks flew as an operations console exploded, sending crew member Adell sailing to the floor. The bridge rocked dangerously and Kathryn found herself on the floor as well. Dazed, she crawled back to her chair.

"Target their weapons array again, Tuvok! Take them out!" She ordered.

"Torpedo trajectory system is offline," Tuvok intoned.

Chakotay turned to her. "I'm going to take a shuttle, I can maneuver it to their aft weapons array, they'll never notice me if Voyager covers..." He started to rise.

She grabbed his arm. "NO, not you." She felt the unaccustomed panic rising from her belly. Not him. Not him.

"Kathryn, you know I'm the best person. I'll be back, I promise...."

NO!! Her mind screamed in protest as her mouth agreed with him.....

"Kathryn, Kathryn..." She faintly heard the words as her shoulder was shook, harshly it seemed to her. Her mother's face slowly came into focus along with Phoebe's. Kathryn noticed her hands were quivering and tried to regain control over them. It was no use.

"What happened," she asked, not at all certain the words actually formed or she just thought them. Her heart was pounding.

"You sort of left us, sweetie. Your eyes got glassy, you didn't respond to us and you were calling Chakotay's name and saying 'no', over and over again. Do you remember anything?"

"Yes, we were fighting the Cedalyx...we were losing...Chakotay wanted to take a shuttle...and instead of acting like the Captain, I panicked that he wouldn't come back..."

Gretchen watched her daughter as the words petered out. Kathryn was staring at her hands which were slightly shaking. "Kathy, I'm going to get Chakotay..."

"NO. No, you can't disturb him when he's in the middle of a vision quest. Besides, he needs it desperately. I'm fine. Or I will be fine."

"I don't think you are," Gretchen retorted.

Kathryn smoothed the front of her tunic slowly. "We were talking in the bedroom, about the trial." She paused. "For the past seven years I've done almost nothing but focus on getting home. There were times when we thought it was going to happen very soon, then it wouldn't, then we'd face another possibility and again it would fall through. Even though circumstances worked against us, made the odds of us getting home quickly smaller and smaller, I always felt in control. I knew I was eventually going to bring Voyager back to Earth, I'd find a way past whatever was thrown at us, I'd work around the obstacles." Kathryn looked out to the backyard again. The hummingbirds were gone. "Do you realize that this time next week he could be in prison?" She felt her control begin to shatter.

Her mother took her into an embrace, speaking soothing words as she tried to keep from falling apart. She was more successful this time. "Please, Mom, you have to promise me. Don't tell him what happened. He's having a hard enough time right now. I'll be fine. Promise me."

Gretchen sighed deeply. Against her better judgement she gave her word. "But at least let me do a little something for you. Something I can do." She brought Kathryn to the table where they joined Phoebe, waiting patiently for some lunch. "Now, girls, please indulge me? Give me your hands." They did.

Gretchen bowed her head and closed her eyes. Kathryn met Phoebe's glance, her sister winked before dropping her gaze to the tabletop. Kathryn followed suit.

"Dear God, yes - it's me. Once again, thank you for seeing to it, in your infinite wisdom, that my daughter, her fiancé, and her crew all made it home safely. I come to you today with another request. Actually three. For Kathryn, please help her remember that though the future is in question, the truth of her love for the man she wants safely by her side is boundless, everlasting and very powerful. As your love is for her. That ultimately everything will work out as it's supposed to for that is the divine nature of Kathryn and Chakotay's life together. And for Chakotay. Please God, may he find comfort in the words of his ancestors, may he know that his path is still true, his destiny is waiting and it is one filled with love, and family and a clear purpose in life. And for myself, and Phoebe, and everyone else who loves them, help us to remember our own strength as we stand by their side in this most trying of times. I know that you are always with me, and my family, and for that I am eternally grateful. I send this to you with love and joy in my heart." Gretchen paused, giving each hand she held a tight sqeeze. "Amen."

Kathryn hadn't heard her mother pray since she was in high school, and certainly hadn't prayed herself since she was a young girl. Against her better judgement, she felt a tear escape as she tried to find the words to express her gratitude. Phoebe reached across the table and took her hand. A small but significant gesture of support.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chakotay stood in the area between the kitchen and the hallway, hearing Gretchen's words spoken to her God. And though it wasn't his belief of divinity, or the truth of how he saw the world, the meaning and message she invoked overwhelmed him nonetheless. His vision quest had revitalized him. The ancestors did remind him that he still had an important purpose to his life, that Kathryn was his destiny and that their life together could still be whatever he wanted. Though, as usual, they did not tell him the outcome of the trial, he knew that whatever happened, it was meant to be. If his path led him to prison, he would know the reason why. This was enough for him. He could turn a bit of his fear over. At least for today.  He would survive. He and Kathryn would survive. Their child would survive. And they all would live.

Phoebe and Kathryn laughed with delight as they held up their find. B'Elanna took one look at it, rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"No way. Uh uh. And don't tell Tom - he'll want to come buy it..."

"But B'Elanna! She'll need it. You can put it with the Bat'leth! Come on," Kathryn was almost wheedling.

"Gretchen - help me out here, would you?" B'Elanna picked up the offending toy with two fingers.

But the older woman reacted with a laugh of her own. "I think he's cute. What's wrong with a stuffed Klingon warrior? The baby will love him..."

The afternoon sun was streaming through windows behind Chakotay as he read the console. For just a moment he was distracted by the gleam of silver as his hand moved through the light. He studied the bracelet, experiencing the same emotions as when Kathryn had first twisted it onto his wrist. His concentration shot for the time being, Chakotay stood up from the table to stretch, walking to the windows at the opposite side of the room, looking out towards Union Square. Kathryn, are you having a good time? He hoped so, he knew she really needed it. He watched people walking around the city, their pace unhurried on this sunny Saturday afternoon. Trying not to get maudlin by focusing on where he might be next weekend, he instead pictured himself and the love of his life traveling to Indiana, seeing Kathryn's childhood home, her favorite tree, all the places he heard of for the past seven years. Or maybe taking a trip somewhere further up the coast, just the two of them, no pressures, no family, just peace and quiet. Just for a few days. Just to get their bearings.

Returning to his work he accessed the last journal article on his list, downloading it to his console and beginning to read. There was a reference made to a book not in his pile. Given the context, he thought it was one he needed. He took a padd to the librarian who entered the request and within five minutes the book appeared in the lift.

She handed Chakotay the volume with a smile, "Here you are, Commander. This is a particularly old book, so take care in handling the pages. It's on the list for final scanning next month, so it won't be available to the public after that."

"How long does the scanning process take?" Looking at the table of contents of the book, Chakotay thought there might be more relevant information in it than he first thought.

"A book this size....probably two weeks. It's delicate work. The file will be ready immediately, however, so just check back with us, say the middle of next month if you still need to access it." Then she blushed deeply. "Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking..."

He felt badly for her discomfort. "It's all right, ma'am. Thank you for the information. Hopefully it will come in handy, right?"

"Right. And, well, good luck next week," she said sincerely.

He felt oddly touched. "Thank you," he replied with a smile of his own.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As he walked away, the librarian thought to herself that she was a lucky person. Her husband had a job that he loved, and it was here. Here in San Francisco. Their children were still in school, though one of them was talking about applying to Starfleet Academy in a few years. She sighed at that, wondering how many people wanted Commander Chakotay to be pardoned just to allay their own fears. Fears for family members in Starfleet, for children who were enthralled with Voyager's story. Fears about the power the Federation seemed to be wielding almost capriciously. She knew in her heart she wasn't one of them. She always prided herself on her judgement of people, working with the public as she did. He was a good man. She wanted to hold on to her belief that good always triumphed in the end.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chakotay's heart was thudding lightly in his chest. He finally found what he'd been looking for. A specific reference to the sky spirit people he had met in the Delta Quadrant by ancient ancestors of his people. Albeit an oral tradition, but here was a reference to it by an anthropologist who studied these ancestors way back in the 1800's. He quoted the tribe's elders. His study was referenced in this text of the 2100's.

So with what Chakotay knew, here was proof of alien visitation to the planet Earth centuries, possibly millennia, before the Vulcan's made 'first contact'. Even though he had been certain after his experience, Chakotay, seeing it in black and white, felt something shift inside. This information could change everything. How many other alien species had made contact with "primitive" peoples, how many other oral traditions thought to be mythology were actually factual recitations about other species? How many metaphorical stories were really true?

He set to work with enthusiasm, writing as many of this thoughts and conclusions as he could before his mind jumped to another one. He poured over the book, looking for more proof, other studies done, other reports of oral traditions, finding two more to add to his surety. He looked through the journal index and found more articles to download. After another hour, his mind still in overdrive, he stopped to take another break.

His eyes were drifting over the room, not really seeing anything, just letting his brain wander for a minute or two. The nearest neighbor to him was an older gentleman at the next table with just as many books and things surrounding him as Chakotay. A serious scholar. He suddenly became aware of something very very familiar somewhere nearby. Kathryn's favorite scent wafted to him. He hadn't smelled it in well over a year, he thought perhaps that she had run out. But he smelled it now. He looked around slowly but didn't see her.

Memories came rushing back to him. Naomi's first birthday party, celebrated by almost everyone. The sail on Lake George. A Prixin fete, Kathryn allowing him to dance with her. New Year's over a year before, the last time she had worn it. He fiddled with his bracelet, feeling the smooth silver against both his fingers and the skin of his wrist. She was with him now. No more times of having one or two dances with her before she pulled away and the Captain returned in full force. The scent came to him again. He smiled and turned around in his chair.

"Shit," Kathryn whispered as she smiled broadly. "I was trying to sneak up on you..." She quietly pulled out the chair next to him and sat, placing her packages down on the floor. "How did you know?"

"You're wearing your favorite scent," he whispered in reply, "so I assume you got some more today?"

She looked at him with a modicum of surprise. "I didn't realize you could recognize it, much less know I ran out..."

"Kathryn. I've been in love with you for, lets see, seven years? I commited every detail about you to memory over that time. Do you know when you first wore it on Voyager?" She shook her head. "Naomi's first birthday party. You were sitting next to me when Sam and the little one opened presents."

Kathryn felt her throat tighten and made a vain attempt to hide her feelings by looking out the window behind his head. Meeting his warm eyes again, seeing the concern there, she did her best to breathe. She reached out to touch his face gently. "You do know that I love you, don't you? I mean truly? I .... I'm sorry Chakotay. For all the years...." He stopped her by placing a finger against her lips.

"We've been down this one before, love. Don't be sorry. Our lives came together in so many ways before we took the final step. It happened as it was meant to. Anything we could have done differently, well, it wouldn't have gotten us to where we are now. Or maybe it would. Fate is funny that way."

"Fate and destiny again, huh?" She gave him her lopsided grin.

"Absolutely. Maybe some day you'll believe it. Don't mess with the temporal prime directive, remember?"

"Don't remind me."

He lifted her hand and kissed the palm. "Now, care to tell me how you found me? I thought I was hiding pretty well in here..."

Kathryn chuckled softly. "Well, this is the floor for social sciences. But actually when I came through the door, the librarian took one look at me and pointed in your direction. She didn't say a word, just smiled. I thought it was kind of cute," she said. "Looks to me like you made quite an impression on the woman, sir. Though one look at you and I can understand it..."

"Kathryn," Chakotay's whisper got a bit louder.

"Really, I mean I came around the corner and saw this very handsome man working so diligently, lovely deep red shirt, sleeves rolled up, sexy arms showing, silver bracelet shining, and I thought to myself, I want to take this one home with me. I planned to come over here and climb up on your lap, throw my arms around you," her voice had taken on a huskier tone as she leaned forward to whisper directly into his ear, "kiss every inch of your face, ending with your mouth, slipping my tongue..." He stopped the torrent of images from continuing by pulling his head away and putting his hand over her mouth.

The blue of her eyes was swirling, and smokey. She licked his palm and he jerked his hand away with her grinning as only she could. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her senseless, right there in the library, the feel of her mouth on his was as real to him at that moment as the floor under his feet. "Kath-ryn, you keep that up and I'm going to drag you down to some very private stacks I know of, where no one would find us for at least an hour..." He ran his fingers up her thigh, out of sight of anyone around them, watching her eyes change again, his own control slipping.

"And is that supposed to make me stop?" She put her hand on his chest, trailing her fingers to the open neck of his shirt, making contact with skin. He grabbed her hand.

"I apologize, you're quite right. This is a library. We are adults," he said as he caressed her fingers in his, "and we'd better get ourselves back on an even keel here. So why don't you show me what you acquired today?"

"I love you, Chakotay," she said as she brought his hand to her and kissed it tenderly.

"I love you, too, Kathryn. Wanna get married?" His eyes twinkled.

Kathryn wanted to throw him on the table with her right behind. "Yes, I do." She broke eye contact and bent to the packages, trying to be as quiet as possible, pulling out the baby clothes she got for B'Elanna and Tom, holding them up with delight. "Aren't they precious? So tiny! Can you see Tom trying to dress his daughter in one of these..." She whispered.

"He'll have a time of it, I'm sure. They're beautiful. I thought B'El was with you, why didn't she take them home?"

"She left early, tired out. Phoebe took Mom back to the hotel with the same complaint. Oh. I forgot. I have some news I forgot to tell you back at the house..." Kathryn's face fell slightly. "Erin and Bill are coming home tomorrow, they called while we were, um, indisposed earlier."

"Tomorrow?" Chakotay felt as disappointed as Kathryn looked. "Don't get me wrong, I'm dying to meet your cousins, but...well..."

"I feel the same way. We're going to lose our privacy.... They wanted to come home to support us through the trial. I miss Erin more than I can say, but...."

"Yes. But. Hm-m. So tonight and tomorrow morning is the last time we have the house to ourselves? They're home in the afternoon?"

"Yes."

"Well, we'll just make the most of it. I can think of some things we can do as a last hurrah, so to speak." He touched her cheek tenderly. With a clutch to his heart he watched tears form in Kathryn's eyes.

"No last hurrah, Chakotay, no last anything, please..."

He could have kicked himself. "No, love, no..." He cupped her face gently, wiping a tear away with his thumb. "I'm sorry. We'll just keep loving each other, that's all, and if we have to wait until we can graciously excuse ourselves after dinner to jump into bed, well, that's what we'll do, or go get a hotel or something," he said, smiling into her eyes, reassuring her, wanting to hold her close until they were on their death bed together.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

An hour later they left the library, Chakotay having spent the time finishing up his downloading while Kathryn found the floor with poetry books. He came upon her curled up in a corner chair, poetry books surrounding her, deep into her reading. He fell in love with her all over again at that moment. The intrepid captain of the famous starship, lost to the world by poetry written centuries before.

They had a quiet dinner at an intimate restaurant Harry had recommended, grateful beyond measure it was still in existence. There was no special treatment given, they waited for a table for a brief time, holding hands, people watching, finally feeling as though they might actually be home. Dinner was lovely, Kathryn heard about Chakotay's research, excited with him at the implications of what he now knew. Chakotay heard all about the shopping trip, pleased to hear that B'Elanna was allowing an intimacy to develop with Kathryn. The sheer normalcy of their afternoon was a balm to their souls.

Chakotay had his head in the cold storage unit, looking for something besides iced tea to drink, happy to be back home with a couple of hours to spare before they were due at the tavern to party with their friends. Just as he was taking the juice out, he felt hands travel from his back to his chest.

"Hi, want anything?" He asked Kathryn as he turned around.

She didn't answer, instead began to pull his shirt out of his pants, her lips following the hem of it up his chest.

"So, I take it that's a no?" He asked again, his heart beginning to thud at the sensations she was creating with her hands and mouth, the juice landing miraculously on the counter.

"Not exactly," she replied. "I want something." Her mouth found his nipple which she licked and bit gently, hearing a low moan come from her lover's throat. She smiled against his skin. "You. I want you. Inside me..." Her head was pushed away by strong hands holding her cheeks, Chakotay falling on her lips with hunger, the same seemingly insatiable hunger she felt, as their tongues wrapped around each other's, his hands working to find some skin as she had.

"Inside you...," he said into her mouth, "is my idea...," he licked slowly around the inside of her lips, feeling her suddenly still body quiver in response, "of heaven here on Earth..." He reached down to her buttocks, pulling her against him as he thrust his tongue deeply into her mouth. She groaned and rotated her pelvis against his.

"Now...please...." Kathryn managed words when actually she was only thinking that if they didn't get their clothes off and start more serious lovemaking down the hall she would do her damndest to push him onto the table and have her way with him...

He stepped back, staring into her eyes, saying nothing but grabbing her by the hand and pulling her down the hall only because her legs were shorter and she couldn't quite keep up with his purposeful stride. She was laughing by the time they reached the bedroom, taking her hand back once inside the room so that she could get her clothes off as quickly as possible. He was faster, however, naked in a flash, removing what was left on her with her help. She stepped out of her panties and they both suddenly stopped, staring at each other for the briefest of moments. He touched her cheek so softly she barely felt the contact but did feel the electricity down to her toes.

"Yes, Chakotay..." She broke the silence and took his arm, almost pushing him onto the bed, following him down and down, lavishing him with kisses everywhere she could reach, giving him every ounce of pleasure she knew how to give, finally being rolled when he couldn't stand it any longer. And finally, he was inside her again. And finally they were loving each other again. Though it was the third time that day it felt like forever since they were in this position. For another very brief moment they each wondered if they would ever get enough. Their bracelets glowed in the low light of the room, though neither noticed.

B'Elanna sat and watched the trio at the pool table, tuning out most of the conversation around her as Voyager crewmates talked and talked as though they hadn't seen each other in months. Tom and Chakotay were deep into the game, while Kathryn watched. Actually from B'Elanna's perspective, it appeared as though Kathryn watched only the big guy, her eyes never left him. Chakotay finished his shot and stood back, next to her. She slid her arm behind him and while Tom was taking his shot Chakotay suddenly darted to his right, grabbing Kathryn's hand from behind his back, looking at her from beneath his brow while she laughed.

B'Elanna kept watching, feeling almost like a voyeur, and enjoying every minute of it. Chakotay, still holding tightly to her hand, pulled her against him, whispering in her ear, saying something that definitely made Kathryn blush. Darkly. He laughed and returned to his game. Tom was oblivious, chatting with his former captain while she chatted back. But to the observer, it appeared as though the woman was only half listening, and sure enough, with her pilot now studying the table, and her lover on the opposite side, she contemplated her options. B'Elanna could almost hear the gears turning. She certainly didn't blame Kathryn, she could understand wanting to make Chakotay lose his ever present cool in public. She thought her commanding officer just needed a few Maquis moves, something subversive that could get to Chakotay in the manner she wanted.

But instead she watched Kathryn merely walk up to him and take his left hand in hers, smiling sweetly at him while they both watched Tom. B'Elanna's eyes were glued to Chakotay's face, enthralled with the obvious love shown there, the relaxation in his countenance. All at once he gasped sharply, his eyes closed, he blushed slightly, then opened his eyes to Kathryn, looking at her with pure, almost predatory, lust. B'Elanna was shocked. What had she missed? What in the world had the woman done to her best friend? She was still just holding his hand, though with a grin breaking out across her face that could only be described as triumphant. Again, Chakotay put their joined hands behind her back and pulled her tightly to him, whispering. Again, Kathryn blushed deeply, though this time her eyes closed and B'Elanna wondered if Chakotay's mouth was doing more than speak words against her ear. And still Tom was completely oblivious to the entire scene. Well, B'Elanna certainly was not going to enlighten him, laughing to herself. She did plan, however, on grilling Chakotay unmercifully to find out what exactly she had just witnessed. Maybe she could use it on Tom if things ever got dull.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kathryn finally left Chakotay to his pool game, a feeling of immense satisfaction filling her soul. Not only had she exacted a pretty good revenge but had received a promise that would only fuel her fantasies. Take her on the pool table? The worst of it was that she would have willingly died for the experience. What the hell was going on with them? They had just made love a very short hour and half ago and she was ready to do it all again. Whatever would they do when Erin and Bill came home....

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

B'Elanna saw the pool game ending and as Tom approached her and his friends, Chakotay went to sit at the end of the bar, ordering another beer. She pried herself out of her chair with some effort, and a hand from her husband, and joined her best friend. Getting herself on the barstool was another task that took a few minutes, this time with Chakotay's large hands lifting her elbows with gentleness and a sincere smile on his face.

"So who won? Or should I say how badly did Tom beat you?"

"And why are you assuming that boy won?" Chakotay's eyes were twinkling at her.

"I see. Well, old man, I am impressed that you could keep your composure enough to concentrate on the game!"

Chakotay made a slight choking sound as he tried to swallow the beer. A laugh snuck out of his chest. "So you saw, huh? You'll have to tell Kathryn, she'd love it if she knew there was an audience, since Tom was ignoring us. That was her whole intention..."

B'Elanna laughed, too. "Any reason in particular? Or was she just in a playful mood?"

"She was trying to exact a little revenge on me for something I did at dinner the other night. Which I did to get back at her for attacking me - in the provisions store - in front of a group of staring women! So I think we're fairly even, though after the library and now this... maybe she'll have to be taught a lesson..."

"The library?!"

"Yeah, never mind, not important..."

"Well, what exactly did she do to you back there? I couldn't quite tell," B'Elanna asked conspiratorially.

"You were watching, weren't you? I can't say. It's a secret between Kathryn and me, a sacred secret. It's on a need to know basis...." Chakotay winked at her.

A sacred secret? She studied her oldest friend. He certainly looked relaxed, and in love, and happy. "You two really are doing well then. I mean for a second there I thought you were going to push her down on the pool table..."

He laughed out loud. "I guess I need to work on my subtlety a bit B'El!"

"You weren't....were you?"

"I threatened her with it," he answered.

"Kahless, what did she do? Threaten you back with the brig?" B'Elanna regretted the word as soon as it left her mouth. She looked closely at him, but after a brief, hooded flash, his eyes were smiling again.

"Honestly? Between you and me?" She nodded her promise. "She dared me to do it. No kidding. She wanted me to, right there, in front of everyone."

"No way!" B'Elanna clamped her mouth shut before it fell completely open. "Kathryn Janeway?!" She hissed. Chakotay smiled enigmatically. "All right, Chakotay, tell me everything. It's just you and me - no one's near, no vidphone. Spill it." She crossed her arms, an action which would have been more effective had her huge belly not gotten in the way.

He laughed again, took another swallow of beer, then relented. "Okay, but still just between you and me. I mean it. No Tom." He waited until she again nodded. "Well. How to put this...it's been about an hour and a half, two hours or so since we made love. For the third time today. And I'm ready, willing, and more than able to drag her into a back room and do it again. She'd happily comply. I have no idea what the hell has gotten into us..." He fiddled with his glass, then met B'Elanna's eyes and grinned.

"And you see this as a problem, Chakotay? Are you crazy?"

"Not sure - am I? Why now? Is it because of the engagement?"

"Well, since you're asking my opinion .... I mean first of all you have privacy, finally. Secondly, I know once Tom and I got married our sex life went into overdrive. Commitment, contrary to what people say, does not kill one's sex drive. So relax, enjoy it, you're going to need it next week..." Again, B'Elanna could have kicked herself for her big mouth. She watched Chakotay's face shut down and his eyes take on a haunted look as he swirled his beer.

"Well, starting tomorrow we're going to lose our privacy. Kathryn's cousins are coming home. They wanted to be here to support us for the trial," he said, taking a deep breath and plastering a smile on his face. "So. Our sex life is about to change dramatically. Back to the way it was on the ship."

"Chakotay, I'm sorry I brought it up, just hit me or something, would you?" She reached out to take his hand in hers. "Look. I'm sure the cousins would understand. They were newly engaged once, too."

"I know." He took another drink. "It's just that, well, I've lost total control where Kathryn is concerned, total. It's like I can't get enough of her. She can't get enough of me. And now the trial is starting. I know that we'll be okay, no matter what happens..."

B'Elanna interrupted him. "Nothing bad is going to happen! Not if I have anything to do with it, and believe me, I do. I've spoken with Lt. Commander Mueller, we've discussed my testimony..."

It was his turn to interrupt. "NO. You're not going to talk about when we first met!"

"YES. I am. And you're not going to stop me."

"But the baby, the publicity. B'Elanna. Please."

"She'll be in counseling anyway, with a mother like me, what's one more little thing for her to talk about?"

Chakotay noticed her eyes were beginning to fill. "How can you say something like that, B'El? Any baby would be lucky to have a mother like you, more than lucky. Honored..."

The tears started rolling down her cheeks. Kathryn walked up at the moment B'Elanna covered her face. She asked Chakotay what happened.

"I'm not quite sure. I just said her baby would be honored to have a mother like her. We'd been talking about a lot of things..."

Kathryn smiled at him and turned to the mother-to-be. "B'Elanna, you listen to him. Who knows you almost as well as Tom? Who loves you almost as much?" She handed her some napkins from the bar to clean up her face. Slowly tears were dried.

"So," B'Elanna said, when she was finally able to talk, "is anyone missing us?"

"Changing the subject is not going to work this time, B'El," Chakotay admonished her gently. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay. I heard you. I just hope you heard me, too," she said pointedly.

"I did. And I'll be talking with the Commander about it."

B'Elanna sighed. Kathryn looked at them both. Chakotay reached for her. She stepped to him, turning to lean back against his shoulder, his left arm wrapping around her waist. She hugged the arm tightly to her, melting into him. Slapping his thigh gently she answered B'Elanna's question. "I'm sorry to say that your husband is engrossed in a discussion of which species we encountered was the most disgusting. So I'm not sure if anyone's missing you two. Except me," she turned her head and kissed Chakotay on the cheek, "missing you..."

B'Elanna looked at her two former commanding officers, relaxing into each other, their bracelets touching, the silver reflecting the lights hanging over the bar. How had they ever managed to keep their love alive for all those years. She resolved to do what she had to. Her daughter needed Chakotay. And no matter that Kathryn had been in charge of them all for so long, B'Elanna knew that she needed Chakotay, too. Testifying was a small risk to take, all things considered.

In the early hours of the next morning Chakotay woke up to almost incoherent calls from Kathryn. A nightmare. A bad one. His touch didn't end it. Neither did a gentle shake. She was thrashing and her voice was rising. A stronger shake stopped the movements but not the calls. He rolled and took hold of her, pulling her into a tight embrace against his chest and she finally quieted. As sleep once more claimed him he realised the only comprehensible word she said was 'no'.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He woke again to the much more pleasant sensation of sweet, soft kisses on his neck and sweet, soft caresses up and down his chest. He smiled and opened his eyes slowly. The light outside was gentle and fog shrouded. Her movements were having the desired effect and he joined in the early morning love making, more than willing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After their shower and the rest of their morning routine the bed was stripped, laundry gathered and the first load thrown into the sonic cleaner. Breakfast was taken indoors as the fog was still hugging the coastline.

Kathryn watched Chakotay over the rim of her coffee cup as he washed his dishes and sliced another early season peach for them to share. He looked relaxed. Comfortable. Her heart skipped a beat, visions of the next day intruding into the gentle morning they were having. Immediately followed by another of those moments of supreme clarity. She didn't want to share him, not today, not tonight, not tomorrow morning, not ever. Or at least not right now, she smiled to herself, absently touching her abdomen.

He sat down with her and passed half the peach over, gracing her with one of his quiet smiles that showed only one dimple. How could she love him any more than right then, she wondered. "Honey," she said, "how 'bout we find us a place to live this morning?"

His eyes opened wide. "Excuse me?"

She smiled. "A place to live, for you, and me, alone. Let's do it. We have all day, we've accomplished more than that in a day up there. Okay?"

He only had to think for ten seconds. "Okay, love. If you're sure you want to take such a big step," he said with a grin. "I mean, setting up house with me, that sounds kind of permanent."

She tossed her napkin at his head, but he caught it before it landed. "You're terrible," she replied, "and maybe you have a point. Living with you on a ship, or in someone else's house is very different than finding one of our own, even to lease. Perhaps I should reconsider..."

"Over my dead body will you reconsider, Kathryn Janeway."

"That's a bit melodramatic, don't you think?" She smiled fully across the table.

"Yes, it is, I'll admit," he answered. They stared at each other. "So," he said to break the silence, "are you going to find us a realtor or just sit here looking at me all morning?"

She popped a slice of peach in her mouth rather than answer him. It was delicious so she had another. He was too damned sure of himself, she thought. But then again, he had every right to be. She loved him with everything in her and no longer cared to keep that a secret, especially from him. She'd promised him their first night in this house that she'd no longer hold back, or take him for granted, she'd do everything in her power to give them the life they deserved. She got up and went to his side of the table. She leaned over, taking his face in her hands, staring into the depth of dark brown that was him. "I love you, Chakotay," she said as her fingers gently traced his tattoo. She kissed him deeply, tasting peaches, spicy tea and him.

"I love you, too," he said softly as the kiss ended.

"I'll find someone, you'll see. Someone just waiting to give us the perfect place to live."

"I don't doubt it, Kathryn. I believe in you. Always have."

She tamped down the tears that threatened and put a smile on her face, turned and proceeded to the computer to accomplish her task.

"I think this one fits all of your requirements," Ms. Yuen said, opening the door. "You'll see that it does have some basic furnishings as you walk through, those come with the lease. Why don't you both look it over by yourselves? That'll be fine, you're trustworthy. I'll be in the kitchen, waiting." She watched the couple as they looked around, moving purposefully throughout the house before heading into the kitchen. She had been quite surprised to receive their vidphone call, and pleased. Grateful she had decided to open the office that morning rather than going to the beach. Meeting the famous captain and her commander, Helen was struck by their presence, their energy. They were very specific about what type of house they wanted, where it should be located, what type of lease they wanted. She had noticed the look they gave each other during that part of the conversation and almost said something but restrained herself. The trial was their business, not hers. She had deliberately brought them here first, it was the closest to what they wanted, and though it went against her training as a realtor she assumed, hopefully correctly, that they didn't want to waste any time.

Sure enough, within ten minutes they returned to her, hand in hand, saying with surety they'd take this one. They saw no reason to continue looking. This was perfect. The captain asked to return to the office immediately to complete the transaction. Helen gladly took them back, entered the captain's application, got the approval and credit transfer information from Starfleet and handed them the access code to the front door along with the vidphone number of the owner. The smiles she received as she shook their hands were better than the commission she'd get. She'd never seen dimples so deep on a man, nor felt as much love radiating off the two of them since she'd been at her son's wedding the year before.

After they left, she contacted the owner. He was thrilled, and happy he had decided to forego putting the house on the selling market that week as he had planned. Since his father died, the house had been waiting for occupation as he had waited for joy to return to his life. His friends told him to let the house go. They convinced him, but at the last minute he changed his mind. Now two people would be filling the house with their lives, still the house itself would stay in his family. He told the realtor he'd stop by that afternoon to show them the ins and outs of the home and give them a housewarming gift. Both ended the transmission with a sigh of satisfaction.

Chakotay and Kathryn went immediately back to their new home from the realtor's office. The house itself was only a few blocks from Erin and Bill's, closer to the ocean. Their pace unconciously quickened the closer they got and they practically trotted up the walk to the front door. Kathryn got the code from the minipadd, looked at Chakotay, grins spreading across their faces and entered the code. The door slid open. They entered. Immediately turned to each other and laughed out loud. He then picked her up and spun her around. For the moment life was very good.

"Welcome home, honey," Kathryn whispered in his ear.

"Spirits, Kathryn, I love you," he said as he put her down. "Welcome home."

After taking a quick inventory of the kitchen, they left for the provisions store to stock up on their favorite foods. Though there was a replicator, Kathryn had gotten used to hand prepared meals, and truth be told she enjoyed watching Chakotay cook, even enjoyed helping him out. They put the food away and went back to Erin's house to pack, make vidphone calls, arrange a transport of their possessions from Starfleet storage and straighten up in preparation for the cousins' return.

Gretchen and Phoebe were thrilled, having been assured this didn't mean Indiana was permanently out as a place of residence. A long discussion was promised after the trial about living arrangements for all parties concerned. Mom and sister agreed to come over and help with the move. Admiral Paris agreed to facilitate a transport of the storage containers to their new front lawn. Lt. Commander Mueller was also pleased, assured he would get their new vidphone number as soon as service was connected.

Lunch was hastily consumed while laundry continued. Packing was finished quickly once their clothes were clean. They took their bags to their new home. The storage containers materialized shortly before Gretchen and Phoebe arrived, insisting on a tour prior to helping unpack. Kathryn and Chakotay complied with pleasure.

The house was actually similar to Erin's in that the layout was open, rooms flowing into one another in the main part of the house, privacy in the wing that contained the bedrooms. So the foyer opened on the right to the lounge area, with a large stone fireplace, a computer download screen, a music player and simple furnishings. The foyer opened straight ahead to a dining area with a table large enough to seat six.

To the left of the dining area was the open kitchen, bordered on one side by glass doors to the deck and on the other by a single wall, behind the cabinets and counters. The 'U' shape of the counter had open sides, so even though the actual square footage of the kitchen was small, it felt larger. There was also a small table just big enough for two.

Directly to the left as you entered the house was the hallway, formed in part by the back wall of the kitchen, that led to the bedrooms. One feature that they had particularly liked was a small sitting area behind a curvilinear wall at the junction of the bedroom wing and the main part of the house. There were two comfortable chairs, some shelves for books and the vidphone. Directly opposite this area was one of the bedrooms, that Kathryn hoped they could empty of furniture and convert into a study for Chakotay. Next to that was the bathroom, which had a real tub (one of Kathryn's requirements) with a shower in it. Across from the bath, next to the sitting area was the bedroom that they claimed. It also had a glass door, perpendicular to the kitchen's, opening to the same deck. The backyard was completely private due to some very old trees and a large hedge of shrubs that were just coming into bloom. There was a small building in the corner of the yard next to the house that they hadn't explored yet.

While admiration was suitably being given by the family the front door chirped. Chakotay looked at Kathryn, who looked back at him. A visitor. At their door. He took her hand, "Come on, we'll both answer."

It was the owner, Mr. Forchet, greeting them warmly yet with a certain respectful distance. He gave them a bottle of wine as a good luck wish, explaining that someone had done the same when his parents brought the family here to this community. The luck had always held. Showing them the quirks of the place, where to find wood for the fireplace, explaining the few bugs the replicator seemed to permanently house he began to loosen up. Shared some personal history of the house, a little about his father. Chakotay realised with a start that all three of them had lost their fathers, earlier than one would have thought, each of the men dying not of natural causes.

Mr. Forchet offered to get the vidphone hooked up the next day, an offer they gratefully accepted. Emptying the bedroom of furniture wouldn't be a problem, he'd take care of it. He also assured them that the neighbors were all patient and caring people and that if the storage containers were on the lawn for a day or two nobody would complain. He agreed to keep quiet about the identity of his new tenants to anyone outside the neighborhood. He left them with a warm wish of God's speed for the trial. They knew in their hearts the choice of house had been a good one.

"I can't find them, Chakotay..." Kathryn's head was in his storage container. Her mother and sister were busy taking things into the house. She wanted his native throws.

"Here, let me, my arms are longer... you're about to fall in, Kath..."

She let out a small squeal as he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back. "I was not! Commander."

He looked at her from beneath his brow before bending to reach the bottom of the container, pushing things aside. "If you start using rank every time you disagree with me, we'll forget our names....and why do you have to find the blankets first? They're under my books..."

Kathryn contemplated the view, his cute butt in the air and considered giving him a good swat. His voice from the depths of the container startled her out of her reverie.

"And do not, I repeat, do not do what you are thinking of doing. In full view of the neighbors..." He stood up with the precious throws.

"How do you know what I was thinking of doing..." She stood in full captain's stance, hands on her hips, chin up, eyes semi-defiant, though with a definite glint visible.

He took a step, cupped her cheek with one hand and lowered his head to an inch from her face. In his sexiest voice he replied. "Because I know you, Kathryn. You can't resist a good argument and you can't resist a good target. Later, my love, you can have your way with me..." He brought his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply. She moaned softly as her stance relaxed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gretchen stopped Phoebe at the doorway with a hand on her arm, watching her other daughter being kissed.

"Phoebe, promise me something."

Phoebe smiled, looking at Kathryn. "Of course, Mom, what."

"Promise me you'll never settle. That if you choose to marry Brian, he's the love of your life. Think about your sister. And Mark. And Chakotay."

"I promise." It was an easy promise to make. Phoebe had been doing nothing but think since she'd come to California to welcome Kathryn home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kathryn was arranging their combined books on the small shelf in the living room when the door chimed for the second time that afternoon. Not seeing Chakotay she went to answer it alone. Her heart stopped as the door swooshed open. A torrent of emotions came up as she hugged her cousin Erin tightly, unbidden tears streaming down her face. Aside from Phoebe, Erin was her best friend in the family. First cousins, who had helped each other through tough times. They never lost the bond forged when their fathers had a closer sibling relationship, young men with young families. Kathryn had missed her. Bill looked nearly the same as he always did, a sweet, caring man, dedicated to his students. His beard was grayer but his eyes still shone. Erin had some gray hairs as well. The three of them talked rapidly, laughed and cried some more.

Kathryn looked around for Chakotay but he hadn't appeared at the sound of voices. While Gretchen and Phoebe said their hellos she went searching. He wasn't in the bedroom. She did find him however. He was sitting on the deck, his head in his hands, both glass doors to the house tightly shut. Her heart tore open to see him. She went outside quietly shutting the door behind her. As she had days before, she pulled up a chair to sit next to him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. He hadn't raised his head and at the feel of her touch he simply leaned toward her, putting his head on her chest, allowing her to hold him. She could feel him relax into the embrace at the same time she felt his tears seeping through her shirt.

"A bad one, wasn't it," she asked. He nodded. He hadn't had a panic attack since before his vision quest. And nothing nearly as difficult as this one appeared. The others were transitory, moments, minutes of fear. That is how he had described them to her.

"A lot at stake..." He muttered.

She kissed his head. "I know."

He placed his hand on her abdomen. She held him tighter.

"Erin and Bill are here. They want to help and feed us all dinner a little later. But this evening is for you. If you want to be alone, or just with me, or B'Elanna, you say the word. No one will be anything but supportive, I promise. You are the first priority."

He raised his head and touched her face, taking a deep breath. "I think an evening with family sounds wonderful. I need it. We'll come home early." She wiped the tears from his face and he pressed her hand to his mouth, kissing the palm tenderly. "I love you, Kathryn. Let's go. Introduce me to Erin, and Bill. I'm fine, I promise."

She could see that he was telling the truth. She brought him into the house after a side trip to the bathroom to rinse his face and run a hand through his hair. She watched the three of them meet and hit if off immediately, to her relief but not surprise. He and Bill were very similar. She hoped they would become friends.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kathryn and Erin were doing an inventory of linens in the house. There weren't many. Erin offered to lend some of theirs. Walking back to Erin's would also give the two women a chance to talk privately. Chakotay assured Kathryn he was fine, doing the same type of inventory of kitchen items with Gretchen. Kathryn laughed to herself, she could see her mother making a list in her head of everything she would get them, or more accurately, Chakotay, for the kitchen. Bill was in his element as well, the two men talking cooking, vegetarianism, and the latest trends in food since Chakotay had seen anything resembling a normal life planetside. Phoebe waved to them as they headed away from the house, her head deep into the storage containers, emptying the last of the items, perusing everything carefully.

"So, Kath, now it's just you and me. Tell me everything, everything you couldn't say in your letters. But first, let me say, that he is gorgeous! Those dimples! I thought he was handsome on the broadcast yesterday, but in person, there's something about him, charisma, or something," Erin said with a chuckle.

"Sex appeal, Erin, don't you mean? I know you...you want details don't you?" Kathryn grinned.

"Of course! You've never held out before, woman. Come on..."

"What can I say? He's...he's an extraordinary man."

Erin snorted. "I know that, for pete's sake. But what's he like in bed? And don't give me that look, ma'am. This is me."

Kathryn laughed out loud, relenting. "Okay. Well, he's extraordinary there, too. Honestly? Between you and me? I don't have any idea what the hell is going on with us. It's as though we're never finished, not...well...that we don't get our satisfaction," she said feeling a blush creep across her face, "it's just that we can't seem to get enough of each other..."

Erin looked at the earnest concern in her cousin's face and chuckled. "I know what you're talking about. Bill and I had that, too, when we became engaged."

"Did it change? I mean you've been married for almost fifteen years now."

"It changed, the marathon nature of it, but it never went away. He can still drive me absolutely nuts with a certain touch, a certain look in his eyes..."

"A tone of voice. Chakotay has the sexiest voice, God I don't know how I stood it for so many years, sometimes he'd lean over the console and say something to me, completely innocent. And I'd get a shiver down my spine which I would quickly ignore. Now, I swear, he does it on purpose. He's ruthless," she said with a wink and a laugh.

They entered Erin's house where Erin went to the linen closet for towels, telling Kathryn to take the sheets off the guest bed. She found her cousin sitting on the bed, a million kilometers away, staring out to the backyard.

"Happy memories, Kath?" She joined her.

"The best. Thank you, Erin, so much for the use of your house. I don't know what we would have done without..." Words faltered as Kathryn's composure crumbled. Erin took her into her arms, holding her tightly, letting the tears fall in the silence.

The flood finally subsided. "Everything's gonna work out, Kath, it has to. God wouldn't give you something this precious only to take it away again."

"You sound like Mom. I don't know that I can rely on that."

"Well, I can't give you a different belief system in five quick minutes. Then at least trust the two of you will be fine, no matter what happens?"

Kathryn decided to tell Erin about the 'baby decision', which is how she thought of it in the abstract. When she contemplated the miracle of it all, words were impossible. More tears accompanied the talk, Kathryn pouring out her fears and hopes, the floodgates opening once more. Erin would not let her stay negative for very long, and Kathryn knew she would get that help from her, needed that from her. True to every other talk they had, she felt much better when it was over.

"So, come on, let's strip this bed, you two can keep the sheets. Take the blankets, too. And the bedspread. A housewarming present. Who knows, maybe your baby was conceived on them. They're good luck!"

"I've missed you, Erin. I'm glad we're living nearby. Let's plan a small party, just the four of us, on the beach, if Chakotay gets pardoned..."

"Not 'if', Kathryn. When. And it's a date, after Aunt Gretchen and Phoebe go home, and you two get your bearings, just the four of us. We'll get stinking drunk on the beach, have a bonfire, play some truth or dare, pretend we're still young," Erin said with a flourish of the sheet they were folding. Kathryn laughed her assent, allowing herself to think that she might not be able to drink by then, her heart skipping at the thought.

Back at her house, Kathryn and Erin were putting sheets on the bed. She noticed Erin's face break out into a grin the nanosecond before two strong hands grabbed her waist, again, still startling her into a squeal.

Erin winked as she passed them. "I think you two can finish making the bed without my help. I'll see you in a minute, a long minute," she said with a small laugh. The door closed behind her.

Kathryn was pulled back by arms snaking around her waist, nuzzled in the neck, and whispered to. "Welcome home, Kathryn..." His voice sent shivers down her spine.

"I never should have told you what your voice does to me," she murmured.

"Well, I certainly have no plans to shut up for the rest of my life," he said just before assaulting the skin near the back of her neck, eliciting a low moan.

"Okay....that's enough.....or send them all home....now...."

He pulled his mouth away reluctantly and turned her around in his arms. He stroked her cheek softly. "Not enough, never enough..." She pulled him tightly and lay her head on his chest.

"I know..."

"So, my dearest love, I had an idea. Bill and I have been bringing in firewood and I've laid a fire. How bout tonight we move the mattress into the living room and spend the night in front of the fireplace? It should be comfortable, I checked it. How does that sound?"

It sounded like heaven to her, absolute heaven. She thanked him the best way she knew how, kissing him simply, deeply, passionately.

Dessert was being made ready to serve by just about everyone, dishes cleared, rinsed, water put on for tea and coffee, cake brought out and new plates retrieved. Conversation over dinner had been non-stop and thankfully only a little about the trial the next day. Chakotay had received a stack of good luck messages arriving at Erin's which took him nearly fifteen minutes to listen to. And now, while he was setting out the cake plates he heard the vidphone signal. Bill went to answer and B'Elanna's voice drifted over. He put the remaining plates down as Bill came up to get him.

Kathryn had heard B'Elanna's voice, too, and thought nothing much of it until Chakotay pulled her away from Phoebe and the coffee making. He didn't say anything, just moved her back to the phone with him. They sat. Kathryn took one look at B'Elanna and could see she was angry, not Klingon rage type angry, human frustrated type angry. She was about to ask when B'Elanna took control.

"Kathryn! Am I glad to see you. I need you to settle a little dispute I'm having with some men in my life. It seems as though your fiancé here believes that I'm not strong enough to testify about certain things I've promised to testify about, things that can only help him. I've discussed this already with Lt. Commander Mueller and he's agreed. Would you please knock some sense into that thick tattoo'd head next to you?!"

Kathryn looked at Chakotay, his face a mixture of indefinable emotions. He met her eyes. "Well, B'Elanna, as far as I can tell, Chakotay doesn't really have the final say...and what could you want to testify about that would be so hard on you....." It only took her a few more seconds to understand. "No, you can't be thinking of doing that, you don't have to put yourself through that..."

B'Elanna exploded. "Not you, too! Since when can't I take care of myself?!" Kathryn could feel her family stop moving and start listening in. "Just because I'm pregnant?! I thought you of all people would be on my side! And Tom, he's the worst of all..."

"HEY!" Tom's voice was heard in the background.

"You think I'm gonna sit by while they make Chakotay out to be some inhuman lout Maquis terrorist when I can tell them otherwise?! I won't do it! And you, big guy, I thought we settled all this in the bar last night! I told you then it was no big deal -- that damned Cardassian p'tak didn't rape me, and Kahless I'm half Klingon, we love to tell heroic tales about ourselves...." She stopped only because she had to breathe.

"B'Elanna," Chakotay took the opening, "look, I know you can handle anything, but you've got to see that the tribunal will be ruthless with this, the cross-examination will be awful, the publicity. That's my god-child your carrying and I won't have her coming into this life with her mother being branded a wild Klingon woman who wanted her way with a Cardassian slug. I can't tolerate that! Not now, not on my account..."

"You tell her Chakotay..." Tom yelled.

B'Elanna looked over her shoulder. "Tom! Get your ass over here if you want to be part of this. Kathryn, please! Help me!" Tom sat down and the two of them glared at each other.

Kathryn looked at the couple, then looked at her fiancé. They all in turn looked at her. She sighed. "Okay, I'll say what I think, but...not as the Captain. She's not here tonight. I have to say that I agree with you, B'Elanna, I don't know any woman as strong as you. I think you can handle this just fine and Mueller can take care of the publicity. Now you two men, you knew what you were getting into with us, and I think you're just going to have to lump this one," she said and held up her hand, "and that's the last you'll hear about it from me."

Tom started sputtering and B'Elanna nodded her head, mouthing 'thanks'. Glancing down to her right, Kathryn saw Chakotay's fists clenching as he stared at his friend.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, B'Elanna, I really do," he said firmly, "it means the world to me. And I won't try and stop you, I know better than to take you on, particularly since I'm no longer your commanding officer. But I am your friend, your brother, and I can't help but worry about you. That precious cargo you're carrying is a person Kathryn and I are so looking forward to knowing, I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her because of me. I just couldn't."

Tom jumped in, turning to his wife, his eyes pleading, "B'El, honey, I know I don't really get a say in this, but I'm with Chakotay, I'm concerned our daughter could be harmed in the long run. Maybe we're just stupid, I don't know..."

"Well, I guess I should be grateful that the two of you finally agree on something, but honestly! You know what I went through growing up, we promised to teach our daughter how to take care of herself, you know that. And these two," she thumbed the screen, "you really think they're going to let any child of ours suffer from insecurities? Worry about what people think of her, or her mother? She'll be fine!" She faced front again. "Chakotay, I know you care about me, I don't doubt that and never ever have. If something happens, it'll be because of choices I made, not you. It's my responsibility. I have to tell them what happened, what you did for me, I have to," she said, then paused and lowered her voice. "Please, Chakotay, let me do this, let me help you, just this once..."

He knew very clearly what she was asking. Not his permission, for she really didn't need it. She wanted his blessing, his understanding, his acceptance. He was momentarily overwhelmed and unable to speak. His eyes locked with B'Elanna's. He nodded his head. She smiled. Tom put his arm around her shoulders and whispered something in her ear. She patted his knee.

"Okay everybody?" Kathryn asked. "Tom, are you going to be able to handle this?"

"Aye, Captain," he replied grinning.

"Tom..."

"Sorry. Kathryn," he said, the grin not leaving his face.

"B'Elanna, you just keep your eyes on us while you're on the stand. Maybe that'll help."

"Thank you Kathryn, for your support."

"Anytime...." She and Chakotay took a few more minutes with their friends to tell them about the new house. After goodbyes were finally exchanged they walked hand in hand back to their family, needing the physical connection, not willing to break it even to eat dessert.

Table talk was now centered directly on B'Elanna and Chakotay's history together, life on The Liberty, early days in the Delta Quadrant, and the struggles to merge the Maquis with Starfleet. Not to mention the struggles between a certain Captain and her newly appointed First Officer, to the delight of their family.

They got everything ready for the next morning before they even took their shower. Uniforms were unpacked and pressed, rank insignia and comm badges unearthed, padds and bags set by the door, even breakfast things were gotten out. The computer was programmed to start a news broadcast for a wake-up call. The mattress was moved and prepared.

A slow and sensuous shower almost made up for a day of very little privacy, of stolen moments here and there. Erotic plans were made for a bathtub rendezvous the following night as a tension reliever, neither believing they wouldn't need it by then. They practically stumbled in their towels down the hallway to the lounge, the lure of the mattress overcoming the urge to use a wall or two. Chakotay succeeded in lighting the fire, though Kathryn did not make it easy on him with her hands, arms, and lips not wanting to let him alone enough to do it.

Once the fire caught, they turned the lights off in the house. And finally came together, skin to skin, loving each other, teasing, stroking, caressing, licking, kissing as only they knew how to do with each other. The warm glow from the fireplace reflected off them, burning in their eyes, shining in the silver on their wrists. They climaxed the first time quickly, intensely. The second time was slower, more sensual, bracelets utilized to their fullest potential as the fire continued to burn. They moved around the mattress and each other until, finally spent, one more log was added before they curled up together as tightly as humanly possible and fell deeply deeply asleep.
 
 

End Part 10

Return to list of "HOME" chapters

Return to the J/C main page