Yours? Maybe Furious, Maybe Not
Kathryn collapsed on his chest, spent, exhausted, sated deep down to her bones. The hum of the jeffries tube and the slowing of Chakotay's heart lulled her toward sleep. His hands stroked her back only adding to her sense of blissful release. She listened to the soft words caressing her ear, memorizing everything. The touch of him, the smell of him, the sound of him. Slowly she gathered herself back together, reluctant to end this experience but knowing it was inevitable.
She watched him as she rolled off looking for her clothes. His gaze never left hers, assessing her mood, her movements.
"You're going to do it, aren't you Kathryn?"
Her eyes shifted to the end of the tube as she put on her bra. He really could read her too easily, she thought. She'd play along anyway. "Do what?"
She was completely thrown by his response. He began to laugh. In earnest. Deep chuckle to almost a belly laugh.
"What is so terribly funny?"
"You. Don't get me wrong. I'm not laughing at what we just did, or what you did," he reached out and cupped her face gently "or the way you did it. Not at all. Making love with you was wonderful. More than wonderful. Extraordinary. And you're about to run, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes!"
"Chakotay... I just, I mean I realized that ... well, this can't happen again. It just can't. I'm sorry, I mean I'm not sorry we did this. I'll keep the memory forever..."
"I can't believe you! 'I'll keep the memory'?? Bullshit." He rolled on his side and watched her getting dressed, grinning. "Well, you know what? I don't buy it for a second. I know you meant everything you said. I know you love me. Believe me, the one thing I've learned since I got stranded in this hell hole of a quadrant is how to tell when someone is fucking me and someone is making love to me. You were making love. We were making love."
She continued to get dressed, crawling to retrieve her tunics and jacket, going in the opposite direction to get her boots, not quite meeting his steady gaze. She made the fatal error, however, of sitting in close proximity to him while she put her socks on. He pulled her toward him, kissing her deeply. If she could have melted into the floor of a jeffries tube she would have. Instead she pulled herself away, tried to regain her breath and sat up.
She glared at him. "I'm going now. I'll see you on the bridge."
"Do you know how sexy you are in that uniform?" He made a grab for the zipper but she moved away just in time. She looked at him grinning, unselfconciously naked before her.
"You'd... you'd better get dressed before someone comes looking for us." she managed to get the words out despite the obvious distraction.
"No matter what you say, Kathryn, you and I are meant to be together. We both know it." Their eyes locked.
"Captain to the bridge." Tuvok's voice echoed off the tube walls.
"I'm on my way. Janeway out." She took another look at Chakotay flashing his dimples at her and beat it up to the bridge, his laughter following her, confusing her. The turbolift ride was an uneasy one as she desperately tried to put on her Captain's mask before she reached deck one.
Chakotay watched her crawling away, laughter on his lips, his eyes boring holes through her uniform seeing the slight curve of her hips and feeling her skin under his fingertips. He himself was somewhat surprised at his reaction to her flight. He thought he should be angry somehow, considering how furious he had been with her a little more than an hour before. But all he could feel was happiness. He had held her in his arms and felt her making beautiful love with him, the sexual release almost secondary to the pure feeling of their joining. He had never had an experience as powerful with any woman before that day. Before that hour. And he was absolutely certain that for Kathryn it was the same.
He would be damned if he let her run. She needed him to show her it was okay to love someone, even tens of thousands of light years from home. She needed him period.
As he got dressed he began to make plans. Stopping at his quarters for a quick clean up and a change of uniform he contacted Harry by silent message to put the first one in motion. Grinning once more he went to the bridge to greet the love of his life.
Chakotay stepped off the lift onto a surprisingly quiet bridge. Tuvok's retrieval of the Captain must have been a false alarm. He stopped at Ops.
"Harry, anything to report?" He leaned on Harry's console with one arm, his back to Kathryn in her command chair. Harry met his eye and smiled.
"Not much Commander. All systems are functioning perfectly." Harry's fingers flew over the console at Chakotay's nod. At the sound of Kathryn's gasped "Oh..." Chakotay patted his co-conspirator on the shoulder mouthing 'thank you' before turning to face the music.
Everyone else's eyes were on the Captain as well. She sat staring at a bouquet of roses that had just materialized on her lap. Chakotay walked down the steps.
"Captain! Someone sent you flowers? Should I be jealous?" He gave her the smile that only she was blessed receiving. He knew she knew it, too. "Is there a card?"
She already had the card in her hand and after meeting his eyes very briefly, but intensely he thought, she read it to herself. He saw a slow blush move across her features and grinned to himself.
"Well, who are they from?"
At that her eyes returned to his and locked for a moment. "They're from a secret admirer." she lied, a small but wicked smile playing on her mouth.
"Secret, huh? So I guess I should be jealous then." He looked around to the bridge crew, still watching their commanding officers with unabashed interest. When last they'd seen Chakotay he had stormed off the bridge in pure fury. "What do you all think? Should I be jealous of a secret admirer?" He heard a low growl coming from the chair to his right and turned to address the growler.
"What's the matter Captain? Wouldn't you like to hear everyone's opinion?"
"Commander, I believe that is a private matter between you and me?" Her tone was unmistakable, somewhere between 'watch it mister' and 'one more word and you're spending the next 30 years in the brig.'
Chakotay wasn't easily threatened at the moment. "Actually I believe it is a matter between me and me, or me and the bridge crew. I've made no secret of how I feel about you. I love you with every breath I take," he watched her eyes become slightly misty as she looked down at the flowers, "and if you have a secret admirer I'd like to take a poll to see what I should do about it."
Kathryn looked at him. "Well, Chakotay, I guess that is up to you. I'm going to my ready room to find some water and a vase to put these in. They are lovely, don't you think?" Her eyes never waivered from his.
"Yes, indeed they are. As lovely as the recipient." Chakotay gazed back at her with as much love as he could. She finally broke eye contact and went into the ready room, the doors swooshing shut behind her.
The silence on the bridge was almost deafening. Chakotay looked around at everyone staring at him. "Well? What do you think? Thumbs up or down? Tom? Harry? Samantha?" He didn't bother to ask Tuvok whom he was sure, though he didn't check, was staring at him with one eyebrow raised in horror.
Tom who had been watching this with a big smile on his face was the first to speak. "Chakotay, my man, I think it was brilliant. A stealth attack. As good a Maquis move as I've seen you do in a long time. Of course, I am assuming they were from you, right? The Captain was blown away."
Tuvok made a noise from his area at the back of the bridge. Chakotay ignored him. He turned to Samantha at the Science station. "Sam? A woman's perspective?"
She laughed. "Commander, I agree with Tom. Anyone who doesn't like to have flowers dropped on their lap, literally, is either dead or assimilated. I think the Captain was quite moved."
"Thank you Sam. Your opinion is invaluable, and I'd welcome it anytime." Chakotay still heard Tuvok making noises to himself and finally turned to the tactical station. "Mr. Tuvok, did you have something to add?"
"If you would step over here Commander, I do have a few things I would like to discuss with you." The eyebrow wavered a bit but stayed in place.
Chakotay sighed but complied. Tuvok spoke quietly but with everyone straining to hear he couldn't be quiet enough. "Commander, you and the Captain appear to have resolved your differences of earlier today. I assume you used your time together on the lower deck to come to an understanding. However, I must remind you that Starfleet regulations state that a captain may not become romantically involved with a member of her crew."
"Thank you for your input, Tuvok, but you know I don't remember any regulation clearly stating that. At least, not with the parameter of being stranded out here away from Starfleet for the rest of our lives." He turned again to the bridge crew senior staff members. "I have a work assignment for you people. Research Starfleet regulations and make an assessment as to whether or not the Captain may become romantically involved with a member of her crew, namely her first officer. Take into account all known parameters, proximity to the Alpha Quadrant, length of separation from HQ, first officer's official standing in Starfleet, that sort of thing. Please have your reports ready for the senior staff briefing tomorrow at 0900 hours. Any questions?" He walked back to his command chair. "And Tom, pass this assignment along to B'Elanna. Harry you do the same for Seven if you would."
A chorus of upbeat "Yes, Sir"s was music to his ears.
Kathryn sat on her couch staring at but not seeing the red roses in front of her. Chakotay clearly meant what he said in the tube, even at the risk of her official wrath. If she were honest with herself, seeing him act this way only made her fall in love with him all over again. But she allowed herself that feeling for merely a moment. She could not do this! They could not do this. What in the world had possessed her to tell him she loved him? To actually ask him to make love to her and in a jeffries tube no less? That could not happen again. All of the same old reasons were at the forefront of her mind, shutting out the memories from an hour before. The reasons why not, reasons to deny, to run, to be anywhere but right here and right now.
And yet still memories snuck up on her, overwhelming her senses and leaving her knees weak if she were to try and stand. She'd never experienced anything remotely close to what she'd shared with Chakotay. His lips had caught her, his tongue had her. Hearing her name come from deep in his soul had taken her to a place she was unfamilair with. All the more reason to end it quickly. She was vaguely staring into the room when the sight of a transport on her desk startled her back to reality.
What now? Dread and anticipation mixed in her stomach as she walked toward the desk. She couldn't help the next reaction. A big smile broke across her face. He really was too dear for words. A heart shaped box of what she assumed was chocolate sat waiting for her. She practically jogged to her seat, lifting the top and inhaling deeply. Heaven and bliss. Grabbing one and putting it on her tongue she let the chocolate melt, feeling the warm sweet nectar slide down her throat, the endorphins flooding her brain moments later. She tapped her comm.
Things were once again quiet on the bridge with Chakotay coming up with more ideas, silently sending instructions to Harry. Tom had suggested opening up Sandrine's that night for old time's sake, Chakotay realizing people wanted to know what in the world had happened that day, not knowing they wouldn't find out from him. However, he could enlist them in a few of the plans if they'd be willing. He had no doubt they would.
"Janeway to Chakotay. Please come to the ready room."
"Yes, Captain, I'll be right there." He turned to Harry and thanked him again before heading into Kathryn's sanctuary.
He was greeted by the sight of a very happy Captain with a piece of chocolate in her fingers on its way to her mouth. He knew she wasn't doing that deliberately yet he couldn't help but watch the candy passing her lips, sitting on her tongue. He sat fascinated by the sight.
"Chakotay? Are you alright?" She clearly had no idea what she had just done.
He nodded, afraid words would choke on their way out.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you for the lovely chocolates. But you really shouldn't, you must be using up your replicator rations."
"Captain, weren't you ever told it wasn't nice to question how someone paid for a gift?" He couldn't help teasing her.
She smiled in return. "I apologize, Commander. But..." He watched her struggle with what she wanted to say. "You just shouldn't be doing this."
"Why not?"
"Sending me symbols of love isn't appropriate." He was sure the sentence hadn't been easy. He wasn't going to let her have that as the last word either.
"Permission to speak freely?"
She hesitated, a myriad of emotions crossing her face. Finally, "Granted."
"Kathryn, I love you and there's no taking that back. I will continue to express that to you as many times as I choose in as many ways as I choose." He looked at her face softening as he rose and took the chance to come around to her side of the desk. Her eyes met his, a little scared, but not backing away. "My love for you has only deepened after today. My resolve only strengthened." He squatted in front of her chair, sitting on his heels, leaning in and placing his hands on either arm rest. She continued to meet his eyes and not move. "I love you Kathryn and you love me. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you..." He closed the final gap, brushing his lips on hers, kissing her softly until he felt her resistance fade away, deepening the kiss, tasting chocolate and coffee and her. He felt her sigh against his mouth. Her arms found their way around his neck, his hands moving to her back, pulling her closer, their hearts pounding, their bodies flooded with memories.
Suddenly she stiffened and broke the embrace. Chakotay thought he could actually feel the wall move up her body all the way to her head. He watched her desperately trying to look anywhere but into his steady and amused gaze.
"No." She stated.
"Yes." He answered, getting up, shaking his legs a bit before turning and walking out the door. Oh yes, Kathryn, you are not getting away from me this time.
Sandrine's was noisy that evening. Word had spread throughout the crew that Chakotay was making a major stand with the Captain. Bets were being placed fast and furiously. Though he didn't know it the main betting pool was 75% in his favor, the secondary pool of when 'it' would happen was all over the place. He didn't tell Tom that this pool was irrevelant by now. In one of the other pools, those on the bridge crew were leaning heavily for 'first public kiss' to be on the bridge if today was any indication.
Chakotay took the opportunity of Tom being occupied to speak to B'Elanna at a relatively quiet corner table. He made her swear to secrecy on the memories of their Maquis friends then told her what had happened that day. He found himself laughing at the sight of her mouth hanging open in disbelief.
"Chakotay! I can't believe you did it in a jeffries tube?!" She hissed.
"Well, the opportunity presented itself and I took it. She took it, too." He grinned. "So that's why I am launching an all out campaign. There's no way in hell she can tell me that I'm imagining things, or that she doesn't really love me. We both know that's a lie. She's caught and I have to show her that there's an easy way out. Easier than denying that is. She needs to be romanced, B'El. Seriously romanced. Will you help?"
"God, of course. I can't imagine the Captain falling for romance, however."
"She's still a woman. A scared, alone and absolutely beautiful woman. You don't see her like I do..."
B'Elanna looked at her oldest friend with a far away dreamy look on his face. She put her hand on his arm, the touch bringing him back to the here and now. "Look, big guy, if you say it's romance she needs, then romance she'll get. I'll do whatever I can for both of you."
"Thank you. Here's what I had in mind..."
A little while later Chakotay gathered the senior staff around at one of the larger tables. They assured him their reports were in the works and would be available by 0900 the next morning if not sooner. He couldn't fail to notice the grins they passed amongst themselves. He had no doubt what their reports would say.
"I look forward to reading them. But right now, I need your help. Harry, you sent the latest floral gift to the Captain's quarters?"
"Yes, sir. Just about an hour ago. She was in the bathroom when I sent it - she should have seen it as she entered her bedroom."
Chakotay smiled at the picture in his mind. Kathryn, freshly out of the shower, skin soft and pink, her freckles standing out, greeted by the sight of a bowl of gardenia blossoms on her dresser. Perfect. "Thanks, Harry. This is what I need help with. I'm out of replicator rations and won't have any for another two weeks. It'll be mess hall all the way for me, but I don't care. However, I have at least two other things I want to give her. So I know this is a really big favor, but could anyone lend me some rations?"
They all talked at once. It was Tom who finally made his voice heard above the din. "Chakotay, how many do you need?"
"Well, one of the things I want to give her is a week's worth of rations to be used just for her coffee addiction since she's always sneaking mine for an extra cup or two. So at least a weeks worth there, and then maybe another weeks worth to replicate the other gift."
"I have a feeling if we go around we can get at least that much from everyone here in the bar, probably more. Okay? I'll go start to gather donations?"
Everyone around the table nodded and agreed heartily with this idea. Chakotay was quite overwhelmed. If only Kathryn could see this, he thought, she wouldn't have any reservations about how the crew would react to their relationship. While Tom was gone, he discussed the other plans he needed assistance with. Within a few hours all the plans had been finalized, his replicator was reprogrammed after a trip to Engineering and everyone scattered to take care of their reports and tasks for "Operation Romancing Janeway".
Chakotay returned in his quarters to create his latest gift for Kathryn. One he hoped she would really love and treasure for years to come. He had thought long and hard about this during the remainder of alpha shift while Kathryn hid out in her ready room. He hadn't seen her since he left the bridge hours before, though he had thought of her often during the evening and not just because she was the main topic of discussion. He wondered how she was doing, worried she was brooding in her quarters, pushing everything that had happened to her that day into a far corner of her consciousness. Reading reports. Thinking only of Voyager. As it was still early, he called her.
"Chakotay to Janeway."
After a long moment during which he inadvertently held his breath he finally got a response. Her voice sounded deeper than normal, though from sleep or lack of use he couldn't tell. "Yes, Commander?" So. She was going to be formal. Screw that, he grinned.
"Kathryn, may I come over and see you?"
Another long pause. "Yes, okay, for a short visit. Just give me five minutes. Janeway out."
He spent the very long five minutes pacing his quarters. Once the computer beeped the waiting over he practically ran to her door, hitting the pad before his feet had actually come to a stop.
Inside her quarters he was surprised by the low level of lighting, the candles lit around her main room. He saw an empty wine glass on the table and the remains of dinner, a book overturned next to the plate. He sincerely hoped it was synthehol in the glass, worry for her resurfacing. She was approaching, looking, in his eyes, absolutely lovely.
"Come on in, Chakotay. Would you like a glass of wine?"
"Synthehol, yes. How are you?" He followed her to the replicator, his gift still behind his back.
"Honestly, a little tired. Relaxed, ready for sleep. But more than willing to spend some time with you before I turn in." She smiled at him sincerely. He took this as a very good sign, his heart beating a little stronger. Following her back to the couches, he was absurdly glad both hands were full and he couldn't reach out and touch her. Patience, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time that evening. He noticed that she was a little unsteady on her feet.
"Chakotay? What's that behind your back?" He was trying to sit, put the wine glass on the table, and keep the present hidden all at once.
"Behind my back? What do you mean?" He teased. He was surprised to see a gleam in her eye and a flush in her cheeks as she tried to glimpse what he had hidden.
"Don't pretend ... is that something for me?"
"Oh, so now you want me to give you presents? What if it's inappropriate?" He couldn't help himself, she looked so beautiful and wanting. Even if it was only directed at a gift.
"Well... maybe I won't care if it is." She crossed her arms in front of her, reminding him suddenly of her stance in the jeffries tube hours before sitting only in a bra.
He cleared his throat and took a swallow of wine.
"Kathryn, excuse me for asking this, but have you been drinking alcohol tonight?"
"I think you're changing the subject Chakotay." She grinned almost evily, sending a little thrill down his spine. He got his glass put down just in time.
She made a lunge for the gift as he was bent over but he was quicker than she was, pulling the present out and holding it above his head, her arms ending up being wrapped around his chest. Surprisingly to him, she kept one arm on him while she tried to grab what was waving above her head, laughing along with him. He knew his arms were longer and took the chance to look at her face so close to his. He had the very strong suspicion by now she had been drinking though she clearly wasn't drunk.
"Kathryn..."
Her eyes were alight as they met his. "Chakotay..." Her voice was almost breathy.
He couldn't help himself. He brought his hands to her quickly, one in her hair, the one with the present wrapping itself around her waist as he kissed her. She was unresistant, returning the passionate kisses as fervently as he gave them. Her hands were traveling everywhere she could reach and he tasted alcohol mixed with chocolate and deeper down, her. He was losing his control wanting nothing more than to take both their clothes off and make serious and lengthy love with her. Something, however, stopped him. He pulled away, breathing hard, trying to focus on her face.
I can't believe I'm going to say this... "Kathryn, no. No. You wouldn't be doing this if you hadn't had been drinking tonight."
"Yes..." She murmered.
"No." He was adament but gentle.
While he was speaking she had wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face against his chest, kissing it softly. "Yes, Chakotay, yes..."
"No. If you were sober... I'd feel safer you wouldn't feel regret. Although you were sober today and that didn't make any difference... NO. No. How 'bout we just sit here and hold each other? I'll give you your present..."
She sighed with what sounded like disappointment to him. He tightened his embrace. "So it is for me?" He could hear the smile in her voice.
"Of course it is. Who else is in the room with us?"
"You're being so sweet to me... I love you Chakotay."
"I love you, Kathryn. Come on, let's get settled here." He shifted them, putting the gift on the couch as he swung his legs up on the table, helping her stretch out on his lap, her head pillowed against his chest, his arms around her. "Comfy?" He asked.
"Yes, very. Now can I open my present?"
He laughed and handed her the gift, carefully wrapped with a now slightly askew ribbon. She smiled at him, melting his heart yet again, as she untied the ribbon delicately. She put it around her neck and set to the paper wrapping pulling it away slowly. He watched her face closely as she looked at the book in her hands, his heart swelling at the sight of a tear escaping down her cheek.
"Oh, Chakotay, it's beautiful." She rubbed the embossed cover reverently before raising her face to his. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. But you haven't read the inside yet..."
She smiled deeply into his eyes before looking down again, opening the book. "You inscribed it with a real writing instrument, didn't you? That's your handwriting..."
"When have you ever seen my handwriting?"
"It's a secret. Maybe some day I'll tell you." She continued to look at the title page, smiling. He looked down with her.
The Collected Poetry
Of Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett Browning
To Kathryn, my dearest
love,
May these poems speak to your heart from mine
All my love,
Chakotay
"This must have cost you a fortune in rations, Chakotay. I know I'm not supposed to ask but I can't help it. How have you been able to do all of this? The flowers, the candy, and now this?"
"It's a secret. Maybe in a few days I'll tell you, maybe sooner. Right now, just enjoy it. And know that I've had a lot of help, so don't worry. You liked the gardenias?"
"I loved them. My bedroom smells wonderful..." She sat up a bit, reached behind his head and pulled it to hers giving him a long, sweet kiss. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Kathryn. Want to read?"
She nodded contentedly, settling back onto his chest, opening the book at random and reading to him what she found. Chakotay didn't think he could be happier at that moment, hopeful for the first time that day, really truly hopeful that they had a chance. Even if tomorrow the wall was back, he believed eventually he'd be able to break it down again, without the assistance of wine. They sat together for as long as they could stay awake, reading poems back and forth to each other, happy just to be for right then.
"CAPTAIN, THE TIME IS 0630, CAPTAIN..." Kathryn couldn't believe the computer could be so loud so early in the morning.
"Computer, end alarm damn it." And be quiet about it, too. She readjusted the pillow over her head, blocking out even the ambient noise of the ship that she normally found soothing. God, what the hell was that rattling sound?? B'Elanna you're going to be cleaning out conduits if you don't fix that in the next minute. My HEAD...
But the rattling sound didn't go away and Kathryn was forced to remove the pillow and try to raise her head. An immediate mistake. The room started spinning at the same moment the pounding inside her skull became a cacophony. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. She gave in and accepted that she had a hang over. Not the worst one she had ever experienced, but bad enough. How many glasses of wine did she have? Uh oh. Not enough to get stinking drunk, but enough nonetheless. DAMN.
Damn that man. It's all his fault! All of it! Him and those dimples. And hands. Damn him!! Well, he's going to pay too...
She reached out gingerly for her comm badge.
"Janeway to Chakotay. Chakotay, answer damn it."
After a long moment, his sleepy voice answered. "Yes, Kathryn?"
"Go to sickbay and get me a hypospray. I have a major headache and the room is spinning."
He hesitated. "Is there a 'please' anywhere in that or is this an order?"
"Could you keep your voice down? You choose. Brig or sick bay..."
He laughed. "I see. Well, I think I'll choose sick bay. Give me about 15 minutes, Kathryn. I'll see you soon with relief. I love you. One more thing ... You're welcome. Chakotay out."
'I love you' HAH. Kathryn put the pillow back over her head as memories from the night before began to come back, a little fuzzy but mostly complete. She suddenly remembered that she was all over him, wanting him... badly... and he turned her down! That bastard! She knew she shouldn't have trusted him. She rolled onto her back and tried to move her arms without increasing the throbbing in her ears. Her hand hit something under the covers, she picked it up and tried to open her eyes.
Oh, Chakotay... She looked at the book of poems, more memories returning. His voice in her ear reading love poems, his arms around her... damn him anyway. Why did he have to be so ... delectible?? Loving? Generous? Brave? Damn it. Shit. What the hell was she going to do? For now, she simply closed her eyes again, held the book to her chest and thought about him.......
The cold hiss against her neck woke her. As she was trying to figure out what it was it happened a second time.
"Good morning. Can you open your eyes?"
"Do I have to?"
"No, I'll just tell the senior staff that the Captain couldn't make it to the weekly briefing because she had a hang over. She was drinking because she was in love.." Chakotay was interrupted by a loud snort.
"Did I mention the possibility of the brig to you earlier? I think I did." Kathryn managed this time to open her eyes. Damn. Why did he wear that shirt? And why are his dimples so deep this morning?
"I can see the log entry now, Kathryn. 'I placed my first officer in the brig because he saw me with a hang over and threatened to tell the senior staff.' I think Admiral Paris would be hard pressed to cover your butt on that one." His grin was entirely too broad.
"Damn you."
"Do you feel any better? The room stopped? Have I told you yet this morning that I love you?"
"Damn you!" Kathryn tried to hit him with her extra pillow but the effort was useless, only bringing her headache back to the forefront. His laugh didn't help. She moaned and closed her eyes again. Then felt a gentle hand caressing her head, pushing the hair off her face, stroking her cheek, soothing sounds in his velvet voice calming her. "Damn you..." She said softly. She heard him chuckle as hands moved to her back and she was pulled into his arms, held gently.
"Sh-h-h, Kathryn. Want another pain supressor?"
"No, I feel better now..."
"Good. I have to go and get ready for my shift, eat some breakfast. Want to join me?"
The thought of food made her want to gag. "I don't think so. You really have to go?" She didn't want him to release her, not yet. Not when he felt so good.
"Yes, I do. Or my Captain may just throw me in the brig. Need some help getting into the shower?"
She pulled her head back to check his expression. He had the face of the innocent. She didn't buy it. "No thanks. I think I can manage myself."
He kissed the top of her head a few times. "Okay then. I'll see you later. Call me if you need anything. I love you."
"Chakotay... I love you, too." She felt him smile against her hair. Why had she told him that? She was trying to stay mad at him, damn it all anyhow. He pulled away, smiled sweetly at her and left. Shit. Why did he have to be so... What the hell was she going to do....
At 0900 the senior staff and first officer were gathered around the briefing room table, padds accumulating on the table in front of Chakotay. The chatter amongst the staff was upbeat, each proud of the reasoning they presented. There was excitement as well, the Captain being due to join them in 15 minutes. They watched their present commanding officer scan the padds quickly, beeps accompanying his flying fingers and smiling face.
"Hm-m-m, good. Like that one. Yes, definitely.... Oh, that'll get her for sure..." He made it through them all, looked up and was about to announce his appreciation when Tuvok arrived and handed him one, too.
"You, Tuvok? I didn't intend for you to participate in the assignment." Chakotay also didn't want to read what he had to say, sure Tuvok would tell Kathryn the whole idea was preposterous.
"Commander, I am a member of the senior staff. Therefore, I submitted a report."
Chakotay sighed. "Thank you Mr. Tuvok." He quickly perused the contents and looked up with surprise. "Interesting! Once again, thank you, Tuvok." He put this padd on the bottom of the pile in front of him. And just in time, too, for in walked Kathryn.
To Chakotay, she still looked a little green around the gills, but she put on a stoic face, lowering herself gingerly into the chair at the head of the table. If she wondered at the grins greeting her she didn't show it.
She ran the meeting smoothly, discussions of various problems short and to the point. No one wanted to drag anything out far, really only wanting the meeting to be over with so she would read their reports. After another fifteen minutes or so the specific business was completed. Kathryn noticed the stack of padds in front of Chakotay.
"Commander, are those reports that you wish to bring up for general discussion?"
"No, Captain." He didn't elaborate. B'Elanna and Tom looked at him questioningly but he wouldn't meet their eyes. His focus was solely on Kathryn.
"All right then, dismissed." Everyone left reluctantly except Chakotay. He walked out with purpose heading for his command chair, leaving the stack of padds behind. As his staff followed him he smiled at each giving them a thumbs up sign. They all returned it and the bridge settled into a quiet hum. B'Elanna found an excuse to sit at the Engineering station, not wanting to miss a thing at this point.
Kathryn's headache was hanging just on the outside of her consciousness. She had brought the hypospray to the bridge with her and was considering another injection. Noticing the stack of padds Chakotay left her curiosity got the better of her. She reached over and brought them in front of her. Assuming nothing he got would be confidential she read the first one.
Damn him! The nerve!! She quickly looked at all of them to see who had submitted. All of the senior staff, plus Seven and even Naomi! And Tuvok, the traitor! Well, she'd just read each of them and put a report in their file, except Naomi of course....
Tom turned around after a few minutes back at the helm and looked at Chakotay.
"Commander, I take it she's in there reading them?"
"I hope so, Tom. We all may be in the brig in another hour." He laughed. "And I need to go leave her the next gift - let me know if she's on her way if you would?"
"You bet, Chakotay."
Chakotay met Tuvok's eyes as he entered the ready room. The Vulcan had one eyebrow raised at him, as usual, though Chakotay was sure he saw a very small twinkle in his eye.
Kathryn sat in her command chair having given Chakotay a particularly hard stare on her way across the bridge. He tried his best to smile sweetly at her but in truth his heart was skipping a few beats here and there. Show time. She placed the stack of padds on the console between them, leaned over toward him and spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear. As though all ears weren't strained toward her anyway.
"Chakotay, I see you and the senior staff have been very busy researching. Fascinating reading..." She picked up the first padd. "This one, for example. From Mr. Paris."
Tom resisted the urge to turn around but did gulp. He hoped no one noticed.
"Now Tom says you and I being romantically involved isn't against regulations because you are no longer officially in Starfleet. An interesting point, I must say." She shuffled a few more padds. "Here's another interesting point. 'The efficiency of coupling between the Captain and the Commander is clear. The availability of the extra bed would be but one benefit...' For someone who spends her time in a regeneration alcove she has a remarkable grasp of sleeping arrangements, don't you think?"
Chakotay noticed her blushing however. He gazed at her with as much lust as he could, licking his lips, rewarded with her blush increasing in intensity. "I do, yes. She understands more and more what is means to be human, with human needs." He wasn't about to let that chance slip.
"Yes, well, what about this one? 'If the Captain and the Commander got married, then Voyager would be a happier place.' Who in the world mentioned marriage to the little one?"
"Captain, you know what they say. 'From the mouths of babes...'" He grinned at her in earnest.
"We'll table that discussion for now. Now this one I find quite enlightening. 'Barring regulations that were not located after running a complete computer diagnostic, the energy expended by the Captain and the Commander staying separate is ultimately wasteful.' It sounds as though our dilithium supply would only be enhanced by becoming romantically involved with you."
"So you should perhaps rethink your responsibility to your ship?"
"Perhaps I should." She pulled out two more padds, weighing each separately. "Which of these needs to be given more importance? You pick." Kathryn looked directly into Chakotay's eyes. He swore she was asking him to pull the moon right out of the sky and give it to her on a platter. He thought he knew why, she wanted him to pick Tuvok's padd.
"The one from the highest ranking officer. That's my pick."
"How very Starfleet for someone with a Maquis background. Though that's not really a fair pick. Come on, choose one."
She had him. Check. But not mate. He glanced at Tuvok over her shoulder. Tuvok had his right finger in the air. He couldn't believe it. He then turned to Harry who was studying the padds in Kathryn's hands intensely. Chakotay believed Harry understood the situation perfectly and saw him look at Tuvok's raised finger as well. Chakotay watched with amazement as Harry nodded almost imperceptibly. He met Kathryn's eyes again, and mouthed to her 'I love you', smiling deeply. He pointed to the one in her right hand.
Kathryn smiled in return. "Very well, let's read the one in my left hand first. 'With Starfleet impossible to contact and with no regulations specifically addressing life in the Delta Quadrant for many years to come, my belief is that one's gut instinct must be followed.' Another very valid point, I think. And what does this last padd have to offer?
'As there is no precedent for the situation the USS Voyager finds itself in, all possible logical deductions must be made from the available Starfleet regulations. Without a definate end to the journey any protocols that apply to short term deep space missions must be ignored. Logic dictates that, given all the pertinent parameters, there is no sufficient reason that precludes a romantic involvement between Captain Janeway and her first officer, Commander Chakotay. Logic also dictates they will hold themselves to the highest possible standard of conduct while in their professional capacity as they have so consistently demonstrated in the past.' Mr. Tuvok, does this say what I think it does?" Kathryn turned around.
Tuvok raised his eyebrow. "Captain, if you are asking me to give you my 'blessing', as humans put it, then I can comply."
"Thank you Tuvok. I value your opinion as you know." She turned back to the front. "Well, people, I certainly do appreciate your input. I will take all of these reports under advisement. I believe the Commander will be the first to get my response when I give it. Commander, you have the bridge." Gathering the padds together, she left for the ready room.
After the doors closed behind her a collective sigh of relief was heard on the bridge. They all turned to each other, grinning like children. The one whose face was about to break he was smiling so hard was certainly the commanding officer.
As Kathryn sat at her desk, her heart thumping against her chest, she tried a few deep breaths. She couldn't really believe she had done it. She should have put written reprimands in all of their files, including Naomi's! Yet, as she read the carefully worded and thought out reports from each of them she actually was quite touched. And as for Chakotay, well he really was too much. She smiled. But perhaps she would make him sweat. Make him work just a bit harder. Not to manipulate him, not exactly, she reasoned. Just play a little, let the anticipation really become something to fuel her through the rest of this bizarre day. Her hangover was still hanging, so to speak. She really just wanted to go to her quarters and take a long hot shower and curl up in her chair and read their book. Their book. She finally stopped her daydreaming and looked at what was on the surface of her desk.
Oh goodness Chakotay, not another one! Grinning from ear to ear she opened the wrapped box. Inside was a folded piece of paper, real paper. She opened it to see more of his handwriting. And gasped. Felt another tear slide down her cheek. She tapped her comm.
"Janeway to Chakotay," she practially sang out. "Come to my ready room when you have a moment, would you please?"
Within almost a nanosecond he was striding through the doors. She motioned him to sit.
"Chakotay, you are way way too good to me."
"Kathryn! Not possible. You like it?"
"How could I not like a free week's worth of replicator rations! So you'll be eating in the mess hall for a long time, huh?"
Chakotay considered for a moment whether he should tell her. Her smile and actions on the bridge not five minutes before that convinced him. "Actually, those are from the crew. Donated by just about everyone who had them to give. When we added them all up they came to two week's worth. I've been out since the gardenias. I used part for the book -- that was strictly from me to you."
She was stunned. "They gave all this to you so you could romance me?"
He nodded, still grinning.
All thoughts of stringing him along simply left her mind. She could only see a man sitting in front of her who loved her with all his heart and had worked non-stop to prove it to her. A man she loved just as intensely. Amazingly, the crew was behind him, and by extension her, 100%.
Chakotay watched with a pounding heart as she stood up and came around to his side of the desk, her eyes never leaving his. She opened her arms to him and he more than willingly rose to meet them, holding her tightly until he could stand it no longer. He pulled back just enough to capture her mouth, feeling Kathryn give herself completely to the kiss, deepening it, tasting him as their tongues danced together. Afraid he would end up making love to her on her desk he slowed them down until they kissed softly, tongues still exploring, not wanting to break the connection in any way.
"Chakotay" she whispered into his mouth.
"Hm-m?"
"I'm sorry."
"No, Kathryn, don't." He pressed his lips to hers.
"You're trying to let me off the hook again..."
"No, I understand what you were feeling. You simply needed some convincing."
"Well you and everyone did a fine job with that." She kissed him again with a smile.
"You haven't seen half of what I had planned." He pulled away from her to meet her eyes. Kathryn thought at that moment she couldn't be any more in love with him. It wasn't what he had done, or what he said, it was simply looking into his eyes. "I love you so much, Chakotay. You are everything to me. Please don't doubt that."
"I never have." He leaned in and captured her mouth all over again, melting into her, wanting to love her with abandon. "Love me, Kathryn..."
"Yes, Chakotay....."
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The end?
Sequel is "Yours"
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