Summary:  C/P, J/C (implied only).  Sequel to "It's All In How You Play The Game"  One page summary of that story can be found HERE  Chapter Two:  Chakotay and Tom come to an understanding.
Author's Note:  Heartfelt thanks to Bronte* for her help and invaluable brain-niggles.
Copyright January 2002 Cassatt

In an effort to not consider what had happened between himself and Tom, Chakotay passed part of his day off at the beach resort. This was a common day off for many of the crew, and the captain had agreed to allow the resort to run freely as they were particularly flush with energy reserves, with payment from the Hirogen's still in evidence. He planned on taking at least one long swim, and hopefully more than that. He brought his book, a blanket and a towel to the holodeck; found an area farther down the beach, away from the crew and the resort; got his things settled on the sand, stripped down to his trunks and walked into the warm water.

He could almost imagine he was back on Trebus as he stroked above and below the surface. There was a lake at home he was especially fond of, deep in the middle of the forests, with grasses running right up to the edge of a very shallow sandy strip. Fish would skitter out of his way there as he dove into the somewhat murky depths. The soothing warmth he was in now was not at all like home, but still, swimming was something he'd once done regularly, and hardly ever had the opportunity to do now. When he broke the surface, the far off laughter and noises he heard brought him jarringly out of his memories and firmly back on Voyager, years away from home. Home. He'd always said that the here and now was what was most important. As he dove back under water, the thoughts he tried to ignore careened, once more, through his mind.

Here and now he was faced with a decision. A decision he'd come to recognize the night before. With possible, no probable, long term consequences. Alone, in his quarters, he'd let the memory of a 'real' kiss, Tom's kiss, be felt as much as the other memories. There was no doubt in his mind he was attracted to Tom on a very deep level. He came up for air again and turned to float on his back. When he was honest with himself, he admitted that he still wanted the man, wanted him in his bed and maybe in his life. But to let go of his dreams that someday he and Kathryn could be together - what would that mean? His fleeting memories of her in Hirogen Hell confused him. And now he knew what making love with Tom had been like. Different than other casual experiences he'd had with men. It was like being with Javonne. But it was Tom. Uniquely Tom.

He turned over again, and swam back to shore. That's when he saw who was waiting for him on a blanket next to his. His stomach flip-flopped. He felt a grin break out across his face. He was glad to see him, surprising as that was for him to realize.

Tom heard the quiet sounds of someone swimming and rolled over, squinting slightly against the holo-sunlight. Watching Chakotay come out of the water, all wet, with rivulets running down his chest and wet trunks plastered against his thighs, he wavered. Jesus, the man was magnificent. How he'd managed to forget this assessment all these years was one of the mysteries of Tom's life at the moment. Still, he knew what he had to do.

"Hi," Chakotay said, picking up his towel and starting to dry off.

Tom sighed to himself. He briefly allowed a fantasy of helping the big guy with his toweling but stopped it just before he imagined licking the water off his tattoo. "Hi. I hope you don't mind some company."

Chakotay smiled. "Not at all. But I thought you were supposed to be helping calibrate the navigational sensors in the other shuttles today." He finished drying by rubbing his hair roughly, dropping to his knees on the blanket.

"I was, but B'Elanna kicked me out of there. I guess I was too distracted to help much. Pablo took over for me. It is my day off, after all." Tom knew he sounded defensive, and kicked himself for it.

Chakotay stretched out on his side, facing him. "I know."

Tom watched with almost fascination as Chakotay traced random patterns on his blanket. "Look, Chakotay, I really just had something to tell you, then I'll leave you alone." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily. When he opened them again, he was surprised to see the other man staring at him intently. He started to speak but was interrupted.

"You don't have to leave if you don't want."

Tell me that in a minute. "I've been thinking about my options again, and I've decided to take the Doc's treatment. To have my memories erased permanently." There, he'd said it. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Why the hell would you decide to do that?" Chakotay said sharply.

Tom's heart started to pound. Baffled, he hadn't expected Chakotay to be angry about his decision, but quite the opposite. Then his own anger replaced the bafflement. "Wait a minute - I decided this because... because you told me you didn't want anything but friendship. How I choose to deal with that fact is my own business!"

"I never said that!"

Tom's mind came to a standstill. "You did, too!"

"I did not," Chakotay answered, a little more calmly. "What I said was - I value your friendship and I need it, maybe more than I need a lover right now. And, I never meant for you to hear that..."

"And you're trying to tell me that's somehow different than - friends, yes, lovers, no? I don't play semantic games, Chakotay." Tom suddenly wanted out of there in a big way. He sat up, his throat beginning an act of supreme betrayal, closing rapidly, yet again. Looking around, he started to gather his things, knowing now this had been a huge mistake on his part. He picked up his PADD but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

"Wait." Chakotay only knew two things at that moment. He did not want Tom to leave, and he did not want Tom to erase memories of them. Looking into his blue eyes, clouded by anger, he could think of just one thing to say. "Please. Don't go. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to play semantics, Tom. Please."

The edge of anger dissipated from Tom's eyes. "Look. Whatever words you used, the bottom line is still the same. For me. You want my friendship. Period. Well, I can't deal with that and have memories of more. I just can't. It isn't as though we had a relationship that ended because of problems, that we just need to let go of. I can't do this. I've got an appointment with the Doc for later this afternoon."

Chakotay's vision blurred. He saw Tom's face, flushed with desire, under him. It was one of the most beautiful things he had ever witnessed. He focused, and saw Tom, trying to keep some sort of control over his emotions. He knew, right then, that he wanted to give him a memory like the first one, and give it to him again, and again, and again. For as long as the gods allowed. The decision was made. Which end was he looking at? The one that was real, and not a dream. "Tom, please don't keep that appointment. Don't erase us..."

Tom sighed deeply. "Why aren't you getting this? There is no US. There might have been..."

"I want there to be," Chakotay said, his heart singing with the revelation.

Tom stared at him.

"I want there to be," he repeated. "An us. Honestly."

"What are you saying? And don't fuck with my head, Chakotay," Tom said quietly.

Feeling lightheaded, and suddenly very sure of himself, he asked Tom to lie down again, practically pleading when the younger man refused. He finally relented and relaxed on the blanket next to him. "I apologize for being so unclear the other night. You know I've been confused. More than confused, you were there, you saw me through the worst of it." He reached out and put his hand on Tom's chest, feeling a rapid heartbeat. Another memory assaulted him.

"And now you're not confused?" Tom said, his eyes flickering from Chakotay's to the hand on his chest and back again.

The lightheadedness continued. The memory receded. The sound of crewmembers playing seemed very far away. The water lapped the shoreline. Tom's eyes finally rested on his and Chakotay could see their entire future in them. "I'm no longer confused, Tom. I know what I want, I want the chance to see if we have what it takes. I'm willing to pay the price. Long term. I want it all." He moved his hand up from Tom's chest to stroke his cheek. Tom closed his eyes and gently pushed his face into the caress.

"Please, Chakotay," he said softly, opening his eyes again, "don't be stringing me along because you can't have what you really want..."

He smiled. "I do not believe that's what I'm doing. I'm very clear...," he said, and leaned in, touching the side of Tom's mouth with his, "that this," he moved his lips to the other side, "is exactly," he moved to the center and hovered an inch away, "where I want to be." He kissed him fully, his heart pounding loudly in his ears at the feel of Tom's lips once more moving with his, persuasively, insistently, finally parting with that small sound. The sound that made Chakotay's pounding heart skip and his groin surge with blood. He accepted what was being given and thrust his tongue in with a moan, falling and falling and falling further still, becoming wrapped up in Tom as arms surrounded him, a leg rubbed against his, and Tom plundered with equal force. Everything around them faded, the only sound they heard was their own heavy breathing and gutteral moans.

Tom was on overload, his heart was opening again, widely, giving the man pressing him into the blanket, on the sand, entry. To touch his soul. Two tears fell from his tightly closed eyes and he clutched Chakotay to him.

On his break, Harry came onto the holodeck looking for his best friend. He'd heard from B'Elanna that Tom was in a strange mood and was heading here. After looking over the crowd in the resort, Gerron finally told him he saw Tom heading off down the beach. In the same direction that the commander had gone an hour before. Harry hesitated, wondering if he should follow or keep a discreet distance. He decided to approach slowly, scope out the situation and go from there.

Later, he'd admit to Tom that he had never expected what he'd found. He thanked his deity that he'd approached in the manner he did, so he didn't disturb the couple he saw writhing together on the sand. After having a pang of jealousy, then a flush of voyeuristic excitement, he turned quickly and walked back to the resort. He was so concentrated in his own thoughts, he almost physically ran into the last person he wanted to see right then. The captain.

Kathryn had finally made a decision after a day of contemplation. A day filled with work and minutes stolen here and there to think about where she wanted to be with Chakotay. She couldn't be with him, in the manner he wanted, but she'd wondered if he'd be willing to make a promise that he'd wait for her. For them. She firmly believed that Voyager would be getting back to the Alpha Quadrant much sooner than sixty years. Would he wait? Did he want to? How did he feel about them? About her? She'd said some pretty harsh things to him and hoped that she hadn't damaged her chances, perhaps permanently.

Arriving on the holodeck after checking with the computer for his whereabouts, she'd been surprised to see he wasn't at the resort. She asked a few crewmembers, but they all told her they hadn't seen him. She checked the computer again, it confirmed he was there. Somewhere. Clearly wanting some privacy. Likely taking a swim away from the crowd. She'd been lucky in asking one more person. Gerron Tem told her where Chakotay was, but seemed hesitant to do so. She wasn't exactly surprised, she knew he would obey her, but also knew he had always been particularly loyal to his former captain. Though his hesitancy was mildly disturbing.

She headed off to the beach and turned left, beginning to walk, looking out at the water and wondering if she'd ever get to swim in it. So she'd almost physically run into Ensign Kim, startling them both.

"Good afternoon, Harry. Are you taking your break here?"

She was quite taken aback by his response to her. He appeared ill at ease, his eyes darting from hers to the crowd behind her and back again. "Yes, Captain. Just a walk."

"By any chance did you run into the commander?"

He hesitated too. "Yes, as a matter of fact I did. He'd just finished a swim. He and Tom. They've been swimming. Now they're sitting. And talking. I'd better get back to the bridge," he finished quickly, then waited for her dismissal.

Her heart started to thunder in her chest. Once again she was in the rooms above the Lion, things apparent and not apparent at the same time. She dismissed Harry and he scurried off. After watching him leave, she turned back in the direction from which he'd come. Her feet were stuck in place. Completely undecided if she should continue or go back to her ready room. He was with Tom. That was the only thing that was clear. Harry'd made the point. She took the risk and gazed down the beach. The only thing distinguishable was that whoever was down there was not sitting. The sound of her heartbeat exploded in her ears.

She turned quickly toward the arch and without saying a word to any crew members, she left the holodeck, walking in a daze to her ready room, refusing command when Tuvok relinquished the big chair, wishing at that moment she could be anywhere but right there.

Chakotay and Tom were pressed together as tightly as they could possibly be. After rolling back and forth a few times, Chakotay'd temporarily won the dominant role, though both of them knew this could and would change. Their kisses were deep, and sweet, and achingly intense, and if they could have breathed for one another they would not have ever stopped. That they were on the holodeck, in plain sight should anyone come looking, was a total irrelevance to them both.

During one of the breathing breaks, Tom looked up and saw dark brown eyes staring down into him and felt a catch in his heart. He touched Chakotay's face, exploring all of the planes and lines, the bump in his nose, the curve of his kiss swollen lips, the blue pattern of his tattoo. A dimple appeared and Tom chuckled.

"Is everything to your liking," Chakotay said softly.

"Yeah. I like it all very much." Tom pulled gently on the black hair that had fallen over Chakotay's brow. "I particularly like seeing this being un-perfect." He grinned at the look of mock horror on the face looming over him.

"I may get written up for it, so don't tell anyone."

Tom looked around them, still hearing the faint sounds of the crew playing further down the beach. "We may get written up for something a bit more serious..."

"At the moment I honestly don't care." Chakotay moved his pelvis against Tom's and they both let out a little groan.

But Tom had made a decision of his own during the minutes just passed. "Chakotay, we're not going to be doing any, um, fucking until we have at least two more dates."

Chakotay rotated his hips again. "I see. You sure about that," he said huskily.

Tom could feel the strain of both erections, needing release, wanting connection. "I'm not saying we can't enjoy ourselves," he said, panting slightly, "just that I want to wait. I told you I changed my behavior..." There was another reason he wanted to wait. He wanted to make certain that this particular man knew what he was doing. He tilted his hips upward and was rewarded with the most gorgeous reaction above him. He grinned as Chakotay fell on his mouth, kissing him deeply again. Tom moaned and held on.

The blond man in control had both erections in his hand, pumping slowly as the warm water lapped up, washing over them. Their hips were moving in tandem with the strokes. Their mouths were locked together, tongues thrusting, breathing heavily, kissing hungrily. They were lying in a small lagoon beyond a stand of trees, further down the beach. Half in the water and half on the wet sand, unable to stop what they'd wanted, and taking advantage of the commander's position. No one would disturb them, for Chakotay's privacy was respected at all times.

Tom pulled back from the mouth below his. "Come for me," he whispered against the softest lips he'd ever known. Chakotay groaned. Tom felt his own climax approaching, and could almost taste the other man's getting close as well. He gradually increased his pumping. "Come for me, Cha-kotay..."

Chakotay reached behind Tom's head and pulled their mouths together again, and the force of the action caused Tom's climax to hit, he contracted, then spurt his seed hard, his mouth unable to move. Chakotay made some gutteral noise and thrust against his hand just as hard, coming, mixing his seed with Tom's. Tom let go and they pulled each other tightly together with deep moans, as the aftershocks rolled through them and the waves moved over them, over and over and over.

The captain was still sitting in her ready room. PADDs lay strewn around her desk, her console was open, flashing some research results she'd been working on earlier. She sipped her coffee, vaguely surprised that she was able to swallow it. Starfleet captains could handle any contingency, she repeated to herself. Any contingency. Her stomach gave a slight lurch as the bitter drink landed in it. She closed her eyes and tried to picture Earth, tried to remind herself what her responsibilities were, what the overall point of it was.

There were the fields and plains of her homeland, green and sweet in the summer with the buzz of gnats in the day and the sporadic glow of fireflies at night. White washed and silent in the winter, the black outlines of the trees stark in the grey light as snow fell. When she was there, she'd dreamt of other worlds, the caverns of Mars, the lights of Jupiter. At some point she'd fallen in love, then left for the Badlands. And fallen in love again.

She tried to take another sip of coffee, but this time, it wouldn't go down. She finally succeeded, and when she finished swallowing the tears came. Unwanted. Not really even allowed. Yet still, uncontrollable.

He loved her. She was sure of that. He loved her.

They swam around each other, laughing and almost playing. Dunking each other, daring - who could hold his breath longer. Neither winning, really, because each time one of them tried to stay under the water the other would dive down and force the default. Tickling, kissing, tackling, all were tried. All succeeded. Eventually they made their way back to the blanket, to dry off in the holographic sunlight and the environmentally controlled warm air.

Chakotay lay on his stomach, pillowing his head on his arms, feeling contentment, and happiness. Excitement. Satiation. Lust. He turned his head to the left and watched Tom, also on his stomach but working intently on a PADD. His index finger was flying over the interface. Chakotay smiled. Tom's hand had the grace of angels.

"What're you doing," he said.

Tom met his eyes. The blue was bright. "Working." He smiled and returned to the PADD.

"I can see that. On what?"

Tom continued to study what was in front of him, though the smile hadn't wavered. "Well, I'm trying to figure out how to make Nob Hill look a little more realistic. I was just thinking I might want to take you home to meet my parents," he teased.

"I'm sure the Admiral would love to meet me in person. He's read enough by this point." Chakotay rolled onto his side and rested his head in his hand. He traced a pattern of freckles on Tom's shoulder with one finger, remembering how they'd tasted, on a soft bed. "You brought our holoprogram with you? Why? I mean, you came here to tell me ... you'd decided there was no ... point. Why did you bring the program?"

Tom turned to him. "I was going to give it to you," he said softly. "I had planned to offer to keep working on it, together, but, well, that just didn't seem right..."

Chakotay's heart skipped a few beats. Tom Paris had uncharted depths. He wanted to uncover all of them. One by one. He shifted enough so he could kiss those freckles. They tasted just as good as he remembered.

"So," Tom said, still watching him, "do you want to see what I've done here? Tonight?"

Chakotay met his eyes. "Would that be our first of two dates necessary, or does this count as one?"

Tom pretended to think about it. Chakotay's heart was now thudding. Then Tom moved quickly, kissing him deeply, hungrily, causing a wave of desire to surge through his body. Tom pulled back, just a millimeter away. "Well, I think we might consider that the second. If you want. I'm open to negotiations," he answered quietly.

Chakotay knew exactly what he wanted. He smiled. "Prepare to negotiate. Later." Tom smiled in return.

Tom approached the bar at the resort, intent on getting them two tall drinks of something fruity and hopefully of a color that went along with that. Neelix was in the messhall so the odds were in their favor. He was surprised, however, to see Gerron Tem behind the counter.

"What are you doing back there?" He asked him.

"Hey Tom! Well, it's sort of fun, really. I don't often get to play bartender," Gerron said.

"Good experience for you, I'd guess," Tom said gently. It was hard to dislike the shy Bajoran, whom Tom knew was steadfast in his loyalty to those he respected.

"Yeah, and to tell you the truth," he said, lowering his voice, "I'm trying to hide. Sort of."

"Hide from what? Or who?"

Gerron looked around before answering. "Well, I figure if I'm back here, I won't see anything, or anybody go anywhere. The captain was here about an hour and a half ago, looking for the commander. I knew he was trying to get some privacy, and that you were down there with him, and Harry was, too, so I had to tell her, and then Harry left real fast, and then not five minutes after that the captain went storming out..."

Tom didn't hear the rest. Couldn't have heard it, truth be told, for the rushing sound in his ears. Alpha shift was due off in less than twenty minutes and he could talk to Harry then, though he had a fair idea of why he'd left so suddenly. But whether or not to tell Chakotay that the captain had been on the beach. That was the real question. He picked up his drinks, made some noncommittal small talk with Gerron and walked slowly back to the blankets. He didn't quite know how this worked. What do you do when you're dating a man, your superior officer, who is the supposed object of affection of yet another superior officer? You run like hell, that's what. Unless he's worth the trouble.

Chakotay rolled over when he heard someone approach, trying to clear the slight fog from his brain. He'd been dozing, listening to the sounds of people he lived with enjoying themselves, letting the experiences of that day play out behind his eyelids. He hoped it was Tom, with their drinks. He hoped it was Tom, period.

"Hey," Tom said, squatting and handing him a glass.

It contained orange liquid, and was cold, and sweet. Delicious. "Thank you." He watched Tom get settled on the blanket, sitting, holding his knees in a relaxed manner. There was something wrong, though. He could see it clearly.

Much as Tom had reacted earlier, Chakotay's brain simply shut off momentarily when he heard. He tried to fathom how he felt about Kathryn possibly, no probably, seeing them rolling around on the sand in a clinch. He couldn't tell. He didn't know if there was some way he was supposed to feel. He resisted, even ran far away from putting himself in her shoes. He had no intention of worrying about how she was feeling or what was possibly going through her mind on a personal level. But professionally, perhaps there had been something she needed from him. He looked at Tom, waiting.

"Well, I suppose I'd better contact her and find out if she needed the First Officer for something," he said, surprised at how calm he sounded.

"Chakotay..."

"What? If you're wanting to know how I'm taking the news, I don't know. That's as honest as I can be right now."

Tom stared at him. The one urge Chakotay did have was to confirm their date for that evening. To know that this man in front of him was still willing. Whatever the cost. They agreed on a time and a place. He agreed to call Tom if needed before that. If he needed to talk, or to calm down. He had every intention of doing just that. If needed.

After Chakotay left the holodeck, Tom took his things and walked beyond the trees, to the lagoon. He sat against some holographic rocks and looked at the constant color of the sky, the never moving clouds off in the distance, the shadows that always fell in the same direction. He thought perhaps he and Harry should do something about that. In five minutes his best friend would be getting off shift. Walking as quickly as he would allow himself, to his quarters to tear off his uniform and more than likely contact Tom as soon as he could. He didn't want to talk to Harry on the beach.

Once again, his throat was closing. If he'd believed in a power more impressive than Starfleet, he'd have prayed. Instead, he watched the water lapping the shoreline, over and over and over.
 

End Chapter Two

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