The grass was soft under Chakotay's back, and he was sorely tempted to take off his boots, wiggle his toes in the cool turf and forget the rest of his duty shift. He closed his eyes against the holo-sunlight. He had hated this place while in the Academy - to him, running meant fields of wildflowers that were a blur of color as he passed through them, spongy forest paths of humus that smelled rich with life. Not a hot, dry, dusty track. But now, in the holographic version, he had learned to love it. This was where he and Tom had been watching their daughter grow up over the past year. Where Martis had been learning to feel comfortable with her constantly changing body, had been learning to set goals and meet them. Where the drive, and physical grace that her genes had blessed her with had become so apparent.
Chakotay was, perhaps, most grateful to B'Elanna for something that only he was aware of. As Tom had watched Martis learn to race, and run hurdles, and long jump, he finally accepted how much she was like him. True, she had also spent a year learning to fly as easily as she'd learned to walk. But as she approached puberty, with her legs getting longer, she'd discovered the joy and sense of freedom that sport gave her. Tom had been talking about teaching her to ski, and by now she was practically begging her Da to do it. Chakotay thought it was a great idea, and as he skied, too, it could be a family sport. Tom just had to be convinced, still, that she wouldn't get hurt somehow. That she'd learn the dangers to watch for even with holodeck safeties on. The man was close to giving in.
"Tayo!" Martis called, "I'm getting ready to start."
Sitting up, he smiled at her, poised at the start line. He held up his hand. "Okay," he called back.
She beamed broadly and turned to face straight ahead, toward B'Elanna, whose arm was raised high. Voyager's Chief Engineer turned track coach dropped her arm, clicked on the old-fashioned stop watch and Martis took off. She ran once around the track and Chakotay could see that she'd improved. It looked like her speed increased as she finished. B'Elanna said something to her while Martis caught her breath. They both smiled, and the older woman gave the girl a high five.
Within a minute Martis was plopping down next to him on the grass.
"Did you see it? I'm a third of a second faster. B'Elanna says that by next month, she figures that I'll be able to shave a whole second off my time. And Greg's finally going to let me begin learning the high jump - I can hardly wait, I've wanted to do that for so long. I love watching him do it, the way he just flies over it."
He'd been hearing about flying Greg ever since she'd gotten this program on her second birthday, but still he smiled and cupped her chin in his hand. "You're doing wonderfully, sweetness. And I bet that once you start high jumping, you will give B'El some very good competition." He released her chin and reveled in her flushed face and shining blue eyes. His heart skipped, not for the first time. She was going to be just as beautiful as her father, and her mother.
"What?" She asked him.
"Nothing. Just watching you grow up, that's all."
Her face got pinker. "Oh, Tayo," she said softly, with a smile. "You are..." She didn't finish.
"I'm what," he teased.
"One of the best fathers I could ever have," she answered.
His throat began to ache and he swallowed hard to quell his emotions. He pulled her to his chest, where she stayed, and they looked out over the Academy's track, and watched B'Elanna run through her own routine. While he waited to return to the bridge and the pressures of being second in command.
Tom ran a hand through his hair and eyed Chakotay. The voice of the EMH broke into their silent communication.
"It is time, gentlemen, that you prepare for Martis' leap into womanhood," said the Doctor, with a flourish of his hand.
Tom snorted, and said with more than a trace of sarcasm, "Leap into womanhood?"
"Puberty - the event in every girl's life that she will remember forever." The man smiled serenely.
"Thanks, Doc, I think we gathered what you meant." Tom glanced to his right again, and seeing the look on his lover's face, yielded the floor to him. The First Officer was emerging.
"Doctor," said Chakotay, "can you tell us when this will happen, more specifically? Since she won't be experiencing the elogium like her mother did, we're only talking about the onset of menstruation, something we have abundant scientific data about..."
"And the appearance of her secondary sex characteristics," said the Doctor, "but yes, menses - mainly. And no, I cannot predict the onset with any accuracy. Given her growth habit, it could happen in a day, a month, or six months."
Tom was now feeling distinctly uncomfortable. His Martis, his daughter, with breasts? This was happening way too soon. She was barely more than three years old. But it wasn't all that much of a surprise. The girl was already becoming intensely private in her bathroom, kicking them out with complete embarrassed annoyance when they entered unannounced. New house rules had been established, giving her the same privacy that he and Chakotay had been afforded since she'd been old enough to understand.
"Tom..."
With a start he turned his head. "Sorry, what?"
Chakotay smiled softly and reached for his hand. The touch was a welcomed reassurance. "The Doctor suggests that it might be best for Martis to be told what to expect - by a woman. Or two. I agree with him, and think B'Elanna would be a good choice. And possibly the captain. They're both close to her - she trusts them."
Tom thought it was an excellent idea. Though Martis had always had almost carte blanche with her fathers to ask them anything, and they'd always been open in showing their affection for each other, sexual subjects hadn't really come up. She'd been told how she was born, of course, and how she'd been conceived, in general terms. He wanted to be the kind of father who could talk to his daughter about anything, and he suspected that Chakotay could handle this. However, he was very willing to let a woman talk to Martis about what it would mean for her to become one. It wasn't a topic he knew a whole lot about, even with two older sisters.
"What about Samantha," he said.
The Doctor cleared his throat. "If I may? While Samantha has been a mother figure to Martis, and she knows the child from being my assistant, I believe the fact that Samantha is the mother of Martis' friend might cause the girl some embarrassment."
"All right," he agreed. "B'Elanna and the captain it is." Chakotay squeezed his hand and they smiled at each other. Possibly in relief, Tom wasn't sure.
Captain Janeway sipped her coffee and studied them as she placed the cup back on her desk. "Goodness," she said.
They waited, and once again, though officially back on duty and in the ready room, Chakotay reached over and took Tom's hand.
She continued. "I'm a bit overwhelmed by the request. I've never had to do something like this, obviously. Do you really think Martis would be comfortable with me?"
"We do," said Chakotay. "You and B'Elanna are the two most important women in her life now. Sam can't do it because of being Naomi's mom."
"I know, but I'm the captain, I'm not even close to a mother..." She fiddled with the coffee cup.
"Kathryn, you know how Martis feels about you. She looks up to you, and values your opinion on things. She trusts you."
"Tom," she directed her attention to him, "do you agree?"
"Absolutely, Captain. Chakotay and I would be grateful if you would do this for our daughter. For Kes, even. She would be pleased with this arrangement, I'm sure of that. Neelix is behind this, too. We all are."
She smiled and took a deep breath. "All right then, count me in. Just tell me where and when. Oh, and let me know once you meet with B'Elanna - she and I will, you know, talk things over, decide how to approach certain subjects."
Chakotay glanced his way briefly, then back across the desk. "Just be straightforward with her - Martis is used to things being presented to her in an open and clear way..."
"Don't worry, you two! Really - do not worry, it'll be fine." Kathryn Janeway gave them her command look, but Tom could swear there was a soft twinkle in her eye.
B'Elanna rolled over and faced the wall, then punched the mattress in frustration.
"Hey," said Ken softly into her ear as he followed, "I was only kidding." He kissed her earlobe, then moved down to her neck and started to nibble.
She tried to ignore the attention, but it wasn't easy. "You were not."
"Yes, I was. You'll do fine, 'Lanna - Martis adores you, you know that."
"Yeah, though it's a total mystery to me why..."
He turned her onto her back. "You're the one who's kidding now, right? You really don't see why that girl should feel the way she does? She lost her mother, she's surrounded by men, and there you are. A terrific woman who's been helping her grow up. Who's been a friend to her."
"But I'm not her mother. I'm not mother material." She didn't really know how to explain it entirely. Even with things about her own mother being resolved in her mind, and heart, her feelings were still mixed up.
Ken ran his finger down her ridges and gazed into her eyes. "You know what? I don't buy that for a nanosecond. Is that what this is all about? Having children?"
"Not exactly."
"Well then, what exactly?"
She sighed. "What if she asks me something and I get embarrassed? What if she asks us about what her fathers do in bed? Are we going to have to describe in detail all of the different permutations of human sexuality? What if she turns out to prefer women? She is half Tom, after all."
"That's a daunting enough concept right there," he teased.
She slapped his stomach, but started to laugh. "Stop it."
"Sorry. Back to your question? I think that child is secure enough in herself that she won't mind if you do get embarrassed. Besides, the captain isn't going to let herself show embarrassment, so you two will compliment each other nicely." Ken leaned in and kissed her. "Don't worry so much! Martis loves you. It'll be enough."
Martis loves you. She felt a catch in her heart. He was right, and she knew it, even if it was hard to admit. A child had attached herself to B'Elanna's side and had never let go. Never. It had been a wonderful experience. In a year she'd be a teenager, and a year after that an adult, and B'Elanna could remember when not too long ago, she'd held her as a small girl.
She reached up and pulled Ken down, to lie on top of her, to hold her close. She let herself wonder, for the first time, what he'd be like as a father.
Kathryn looked at herself in the bathroom mirror one last time. No question about it, she thought, this journey is leaving its mark in the lines on my face. Deep in her heart, she knew it was more than the ship and the responsibility she carried on her shoulders. As the year had passed, the reality of her situation had buried itself so deeply inside her that, clearly, it was bound to come out somewhere. She was alone in the one way that could hurt like none other. She looked tired. She was tired. Each and every day she gave herself a pep talk in this very mirror. She would get these people home if it was the very last thing she did.
Knowing that an older version of herself in another timeline had, at least, succeeded made it easier. Just a little bit easier. Losing Mark still hurt. When she let it. She'd wanted to have children - they'd been talking about it in the months before she was sent into the Badlands. But nothing had been resolved. Children and being a starship captain? Not a good mix.
She took a deep breath. The two children that she kept safe and secure on Voyager needed her, in all sorts of ways. She could never have predicted, however, that one would require this particular service of her. This would likely be her only chance to have the talk that every parent thinks about, and some dread. She remembered her mother, and her, sitting in her bedroom. Kathryn had been very scientific with each question she'd asked, fearing that a bad report would be given to her father, but that had left so many other questions unasked. She wouldn't let Martis be in that same situation. Chakotay and Tom were right about one thing. Their daughter was open, and free, and loved unconditionally - not like her. She was not going to let any of them down.
Her door chime sounded, and she called for admittance, walking out to the living area.
"Good evening, B'Elanna," she said, relaxing for the first time.
"Hi, Captain."
It was fairly obvious to her the woman was strung a little tight. "Did you forget?"
"Oh, sorry, no - I'm just nervous," B'Elanna admitted. "Hi, Kathryn." She smiled, and appeared to relax slightly.
"That's better," she answered gently. "So - ready?" B'Elanna nodded. "Good. Let's go help that sweet girl have a wonderful life, shall we?"
The other woman chuckled as they left the cabin for the one next door.
Greg brought the four synthales to the low table in front of the couch, and Tom grabbed one quickly. At his side, Chakotay laughed.
"It's not real, Tom," he teased.
"Unfortunately," Tom muttered. Opening the bottle, he took a healthy swallow, relishing the taste, at least. He closed his eyes and felt a strong hand making it's way behind his back to eventually clutch his side and tug. He relaxed, and let the man bring him close. Chakotay kissed the back of his neck and he couldn't help it, he sighed. Those lips always found that one spot...
"Hey," said Greg, "no necking until the vid starts."
Tom opened his eyes and looked beyond Chakotay. Harry was sitting as close to his husband as humanly possible, being held tightly by a long arm around his shoulders, drinking his own ale serenely. The man holding him grinned at Tom. He knew that soon, the two men would somehow entangle their legs and be sitting practically in each other's laps - it was the same every time. He often suspected that Greg had no idea of the plots by the end of an evening, for his face was usually buried in Harry's neck or hair for most of it. So he merely grinned in return and settled in, taking a moment to give his own lover a deep, slow kiss.
"So - what are we watching," said Chakotay, after coming up for air.
Harry answered. "I found another one, but it wasn't easy. For some reason, the cross-reference on it didn't have the usual key words. But anyway - it's about a man who discovers he's a homosexual, in the early 1900's. Apparently, the book it's based upon was banned for quite a while in old England."
"Good job, Har," Tom said, leaning over to slap his friend's hand.
"He's incredible, isn't he?" said Greg, somewhat dreamily.
Chakotay laughed again, though gently. "Is this what marriage does to you, Gregory? It's been a year - you are more gone than ever..."
"Yeah, I know." Greg smiled. Harry grinned at him and shrugged his shoulders guilelessly at the other two.
Tom laughed this time, and it felt good to do it. He would consciously let himself forget what was happening in their own cabin, stop worrying about his daughter, and enjoy intimate time with his family, the man he loved, and a 400-year old vid.
The diagram displayed on the computer console was not unfamiliar to Martis. She looked at both women, sitting on either side of her on the bed.
"Momma had one - I looked it up after my dads told me it was where I became. I'm glad that I have one, too, and I can have a baby. I'd hoped so."
"Why didn't you ask your dads that?" the captain said.
She smiled to herself. "Well, they weren't very comfortable when we were talking about it, so I figured I'd wait and then I just forgot. Until a little while ago, then I was wondering if I'd go through the elogium, too. Momma told me all about it on the data chip. She didn't tell me about this other stuff..."
"Kes believed that would be taken care of by someone, in person." The captain smiled at her, and Martis felt a familiar warm spot hit her chest, catching her off guard. Momma was making herself known, and for the first time in a long time, Martis missed her physical presence. Tears began to fill her eyes and she stopped them. But to her surprise, without saying a word B'Elanna put an arm around her shoulders and tugged, and she went with it, accepting a very, very nice hug.
"Thank you," she said when she pulled away.
"Any time, sweetie, we'll be here." B'Elanna looked deeply into her eyes and the warm spot didn't change, and she felt better.
Martis turned to the computer again, studying the diagram in more detail, and tried to really understand everything they'd told her. She wasn't completely happy with the idea that she'd be bleeding every month, but if it meant she could have a baby, then maybe it'd be worth it. "Would I still bleed even if I never had a baby?"
"Yes," B'Elanna said, "even if."
She looked back up into the woman's brown eyes, catching something behind the words - hurt maybe. Pain of some sort. "Do you want children, B'El?"
"Honestly? I don't know anymore. I used to think 'no' but quite recently I've been having second thoughts. So right now, I don't know. And that's what the decision can be like."
"Not for me," she declared. "I want to have a baby. I'm going to pick someone, just like Momma did, and then the Doctor will take care of everything."
The captain said quietly, "Martis, honey, that's not the only way it happens..."
~ * ~
Some time later Martis was feeling completely shocked. And a little embarrassed. And a little confused. "But Momma and Da loved each other, so why did they have the Doctor fertilize the egg instead of doing intercourse?"
The captain answered. "I'm sorry for confusing you by saying intercourse happens when two people love each other. It does, but you can imagine, it's a very personal and private thing to do with someone. Your mother and father didn't want to do it - yes, they loved each other - but they had other options."
"Da didn't love Momma like he loves Tayo," she agreed. It made more sense now. But she still wasn't sure it was something she'd ever want to do so she was glad she had options, as the captain had called them. She was aware that the two women with her were speaking silently and she glanced at them.
B'Elanna was the one to talk this time. "Martis. We think it's important that you understand something else about intercourse, and sex. It doesn't always have to involve fertilizing an egg, and having a baby. People do it because it's pleasurable, it feels good. They want to show their partner how much they love them."
That made no sense. She really couldn't imagine that it felt good.
"Really," B'Elanna continued, "I know it probably sounds a little gross to you, at least it did to me when I was your age - but when you get a little older that'll change. You'll fall in love, and you'll be having certain feelings in your body. You'll want to kiss someone because it feels good. Other things will feel good, too."
She thought of how much her dads kissed, and how much she liked to see it. More lately. It gave her a fuzzy feeling in her stomach. She wondered if that was normal. She moved the computer off her lap and turned so she could face both of them. She picked up Dog and held him. "When Da and Tayo kiss, and they do it a lot, I get this feeling in my stomach. Is that what you mean?"
B'Elanna and the captain grinned at each other.
"Yes," the captain answered, "that's what we mean. Do you like that feeling?"
"Yes," she admitted. She wouldn't admit to them that she'd sometimes spy on her fathers, because they'd kiss differently when she wasn't around. But falling in love? "So I'm going to have to be in love with someone on Voyager, right? How is that going to happen?"
"Well - to tell you the truth, Martis, I don't know," said the captain. "But none of us knows why or how we fall in love, or why we love someone and things don't work out, or why we find the perfect person and they die, or leave. Those are mysteries. Ask your fathers. They have a story to tell you about that."
Martis smiled. "If I'm going to fall in love, I want it to be like them."
"Good choice," B'Elanna said with a grin.
"But you love Ken like that, don't you?" Her friend nodded. "So - why do you?"
B'Elanna rolled her eyes dramatically and chuckled. "You never ask me easy questions, Martis - you are your parents' own child."
"Is that good?"
"Yes, absolutely."
Martis stared at her. "So - why do you love Ken?"
"Okay, okay, I'll confess all..."
Kathryn sat with B'Elanna in the captain's quarters, sharing a glass of wine and debriefing each other.
"Well, I think we did the right thing," B'Elanna said. "She's too young to understand that much about sexual drives."
"I agree, but I do think we need to talk to her again, maybe once she really starts hitting puberty and her hormones seriously kick in."
"You don't think she'll figure this out herself? She did really well with what we gave her, not that that surprised me."
Kathryn took a swallow of wine and made a decision. "It's my turn to confess something to you - and this is in complete confidence. I consider you one of Martis' godparents. My biggest concern is that as she hits adulthood she is going to be a target for any number of crewmen. She'll be beautiful, that's obvious, she'll be loving, and secure in herself, and she's the daughter of the First Officer. The darling of the senior staff. What better way to move yourself up in the ranks as this journey goes on and on, than by marrying Martis?"
B'Elanna stared at her. "Kah'less, that's cynical. I would think it'll be the other way around. Who in their right mind is going to risk the wrath of Tom and Chakotay, not to mention the rest of us? Neelix would probably poison them. If I were a lowly crewman I would run very fast in the opposite direction."
"I just don't want her taken advantage of. And at some point, I think she should know that having sex doesn't always involve being in love with someone."
"She will, don't worry, I'm sure the opportunity will present itself to us, and to her fathers, to explain that. She can't get that, not now - we made the right decision about that topic. I think so, anyway." B'Elanna started to stare at her again, and Kathryn came very close to calling a halt to the conversation, reverting to command positions. "If you don't mind me asking you, Kathryn, did some man do something to you?"
She didn't miss the clearly enunciated use of her given name. She sighed, and drank some more, putting off the inevitable for only a moment. "Yes. I wasn't raped, but I was beat up a bit and pretty thrown by the experience. I thought he loved me, and that I was in love with him. I was foolish and naive." It was all she would say on the subject.
"No doubt about it," B'Elanna said quietly, "men can be total bastards. I'm sorry."
"Me, too. Thank you."
"She'll be fine, we'll make sure of it. Tom and Chakotay won't let anyone hurt her, either. You may lose a few crewmen as they get popped over the years," she teased.
Kathryn couldn't help it, she laughed out loud. They drank more wine in companionable silence. She studied her Chief Engineer and smiled to herself. "So - you and Kenneth are thinking about having kids."
The ridges shot up. "Not you, too. Good grief. I'm not going to be able to avoid this, am I?"
Kathryn grinned and shook her head.
"Complete confidence?" She nodded. B'Elanna sighed so deeply it was almost a groan. "Okay. Give me another glass..."
Martis stood in front of her bathroom mirror without sleep wear on. She turned sideways and pulled her arms back. Yes, very definitely there was a difference. She'd been wondering about it and felt very thankful that she'd found out everything was normal. After putting her sleep wear back on she left her bedroom.
The replicator didn't seem to have what she needed in it's program. As she was thinking about how to take care of the problem, whether or not Voyager's database would have it, the door to the cabin swooshed open. Her fathers were home, and to her surprise, they were still nervous.
"Why are you up," asked Da gently. "We were told you were in bed."
"I had to check something out." She took a deep breath. "I need a bra."
Two sets of eyes got very wide before recovering.
"A bra? Are you sure, honey?" Da glanced at Tayo, who shrugged his shoulders.
She started to feel a little annoyed - how could they ask her that? "Yes. I'm sure. And the replicator doesn't have one programmed for someone my size and age. Just for the women on the ship. Not me. Can you help me, please?"
"Of course. I apologize, Martis," Da said. "Does it have to be tonight? Can we look into it tomorrow? I'll search the database and ask B'Elanna to help. Would that be okay? We'll get you just the right one."
"Yes, that'll be fine. Thank you." She felt better, so she gave each of them a hug before saying good night.
Tayo looked at her closely. "How are you doing? Did the talk go well?"
She smiled at them both. They really were the best dads, and she loved them so much. "It did. Um, thank you for asking B'El and the captain to be here with me." There was more that she wanted to say, but she wanted to think about some things before she said them. "Oh, and I almost forgot. I was told to ask you about the mysteries of love. That you have a story to tell me - about the two of you. How about tomorrow, after dinner?"
Tayo chuckled and met Da's eyes. The blue ones were smiling, too. They agreed to tell her the whole story. She was really, really looking forward to it.
"A bra, Chak?" Tom moaned. "She's not developed enough for a bra - she's too young!"
Chakotay stopped what he was doing momentarily, which was sucking on Tom's neck, and looked at him squarely. "I believe the advice, which you and I both read by the way, is that if she wants it, we give it to her. You made a very nice recovery - telling her she'd get it with no more questions asked. I know what you mean, though. This isn't happening," he teased.
"Seriously."
"Okay. I'm serious."
"What the hell are we going to do when she starts dating? Who the hell is she going to date?"
He propped his head up on one hand, but didn't move far off the man. "Tom. We've talked about this, and talked about this. We have another year, at least, to worry about it. One step at a time, love. One step. Let's just get through puberty, okay? That's going to be hellish enough, if our own puberty's and B'El's stories are any indication."
Tom ran his fingers up and down Chakotay's spine, generating a shiver of excitement under his skin. With blue eyes burning, he said softly, "What the hell... would I do without you?"
He answered just as softly. "Let's not find out."
Tom merely shook his head incrementally in response. To see him like this, vulnerable, gentle, loving, Chakotay could hardly contain himself. Nobody saw Tom as he did. Some got part of it, Martis got a lot of it, but only he was on the receiving end of something that was so amazing, that stirred every ember of his soul. He leaned in and took that sweet mouth, which opened immediately and contained the wonders of Tom's tongue. The taste of them - would he ever tire of it, he questioned dimly.
Tom's fingers pressed into his back and he rolled fully onto him once more, relishing the soft chest hair against his skin, the arms now snaking around him and holding him close, the all and everything of this man he loved. He kissed him deeply, then pulled back and kissed his cheek, and neck, and ear, and collarbone. They'd had an evening of quiet foreplay, watching a life unfold before them - the life of a man who didn't have the same freedom that they enjoyed. It had been a reminder of what they were together. Lovers, friends, partners, fathers. Respected professionals. Undisguised.
He lifted his head and looked at Tom, who opened his eyes as if on cue. "What was it he said in the vid, Tom? About making love with the groundskeeper?"
Tom smiled. "He said he'd shared with the man."
Yes, shared. An antiquated code word for lovemaking. A wonderful word. "I'm going to share with you..." He gently thrust his hips, stroking their burgeoning erections.
"Please," whispered Tom, spreading his legs.
It didn't take much to get the man he loved prepared, and soon he was poised at Tom's opening. The one place where Chakotay was completely humbled, and subservient. Thrusting in, he knew he would take his pleasure from the body of his lover. More importantly, to him, was that he'd be giving pleasure to a man who made his life whole.
The heated passage that massaged his now aching erection was only one thing shared. As he moved in and out of his lover, he carried the man along with him to the highest peak, thrusting in, and out. Getting lost in each other. He grasped Tom's hot, weeping shaft and massaged it in time with his lunges. Losing themselves further. And as he felt Tom's climax hit, the contractions pulled his own right out of him, and they shared the flight down, lost, together, floating until they landed in each other's arms. Sharing bliss. Then sharing sleep.
Martis contemplated the man standing some meters away from her in the hydroponics bay. Greg had a phaser rifle resting in one hand - a deceptively relaxed pose, she knew. Any other guard that day wouldn't have bothered her. But this was Greg, and he was family. She was trying to figure out how much he could overhear. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, for she did, and had zero reasons not to. Still, she wanted Lon to be honest with her. She figured if she had some man holding a phaser on her, she wouldn't necessarily speak openly. But this was Greg, so she approached him.
"I have a question," she said, looking up into deep brown eyes that were smiling at her.
"Okay," answered Greg.
"If something is said while you're on guard duty, and it's personal, is that information automatically put into your report?"
He hesitated. "Completely personal, having nothing to do with the safety of a certain girl that I'm sworn to protect with my life?"
She smiled. She loved Greg on duty - he always tried to act so formal, but there was usually a spark behind his eyes that just plain tickled her. "Yes," she confirmed, "completely personal."
He smiled, too. "Well, that being the case, then no, it would not go into my report."
"Thank you, Lieutenant."
"You're welcome, Ms. Paris." He winked.
She nodded and turned on her heel. Lon had been watching her, and she could see a certain wariness settle on his features. She sighed to herself, wondering if there would ever come a time when he would completely trust her. He was close, but he wasn't there yet.
She sat at the work bench and added another scoop of fertilizer to the container of water. She scanned it, and when the tricorder beeped, he joined her, looking at the readout.
"That's good," said Lon quietly. "It's ready to be added - two ladles in each tray."
Martis made a decision to simply jump in with both feet. She took a deep breath. "Lon, can I ask you something?"
"Sure," he answered, but somewhat hesitantly.
"Have you ever been in love?"
She caught the surprise that moved through him. She was curious about what he'd thought her question would be. He sat on the stool next to hers and, in an instant, she figured it out. He'd assumed she'd ask him about what he'd done to the crewman. About killing. Her heart stopped, and she pretended to be studying the tricorder again as she tried to get her emotions under control. She felt terrible. Her fathers had told Lon that she knew what he'd done, and she'd never presume to ask him why, or what had made him want to do it, or anything that uncomfortable. She wanted to tell him that, to reassure him it didn't matter.
"Well," said Lon, interrupting her train of thought, "I'm not sure how to answer that."
She turned her attention to him.
"No, that's not entirely true, Martis," he continued. "I thought I was in love, before I joined the Maquis, but I was wrong. I know that now, I didn't know it then."
"I don't understand."
Picking up one of the plant tags, he bent it slowly between his fingers, then met her eyes again. "Do you know what a Betazoid can do, telepathically? What they are supposed to be born to do?"
"Yes - they're empathic, mostly. They don't have the telepathic abilities of an Ocampan."
He nodded his head. "Something was wrong with me when I was born - my empathic nature didn't manifest in the same way as others. I couldn't pick up on people's emotions, overall. I could pick up some, but not all." He coughed. "And, so, when I met someone that I wanted to form a romantic attachment with, I did what I saw others doing while they were in love, and acted like they did. I didn't know any different, I only knew that I didn't feel like they were all saying they felt." He shook his head. "I don't think I'm making any sense..."
"It's okay," she assured him, "I think I get it. You pretended to feel those things, so the person you liked would be with you. Right?"
He smiled for the first time. "Yes, that's right. Since Mr. Tuvok has been working with me, I've discovered that I do have some of those feelings, I just don't have the empathic ability to read others. I've come to rely on more normal methods. Like talking to someone. Listening to them."
"But you don't talk to many people, only a few."
"True, but take you, for example. We spend time together every few days, and you tell me stories about the crew, and what they're all doing, and I listen, and I think about them afterwards. I wonder if Naomi figured out how to get Flotter to help her in her holoprogram - things like that. And then you tell me the answers when I see you again. I find myself caring about them."
"And you didn't before?"
"No, Martis, I didn't. Not like this. So back to your question - I know now, I think, what it means to really fall in love with someone. I'll not ever have it, in my life, but I understand it better." He thumbed behind him and grinned softly. "Take that man back there. I understand what I'm seeing in his eyes when Ensign Kim comes to collect him after his shift is over."
She glanced at Greg, who again winked at her. Smiling at him, she said to Lon, "Yeah, he and Harry are a good example of love. I agree." She leaned in close and whispered, "My dad jokes that they are gaga over each other."
Lon chuckled. "That's a good one. So -- do you want to be gaga over someone?"
She blushed. "I do. I want to be gaga over someone - someone wonderful."
"Well, then, I hope that you find that someone, and have lots of love in your life."
"Thank you," she said quietly. She was very grateful, for more than his good wishes. He'd been completely honest with her and she thought that he might, perhaps, be even more steps closer to trusting her.
He smiled and gently slapped the bench top. "Let's get back to work. According to my assistant, there are some plants in need of food in row four."
They hopped off the stools and, carrying the bucket between them, walked through the stands of foliage.
"I almost forgot to ask," said Lon, "how was your training this week?"
"I shaved another third of a second off my time..."
Tom relaxed against the back of the couch, listening to a consummate story teller weave the tale of the two of them. A slightly warped tale when told honestly, to Tom's way of thinking. However, their daughter's blue eyes were wide, and bright as she took in every word with rapt attention. Chakotay arrived at the part where Kes entered into it. Martis grinned with open delight to hear of her mother's matchmaking, and Tom couldn't help it, he grinned, too.
Chakotay had cast a rosy hue on their history, making their actions, and the circumstances surrounding them ever so slightly romantic. Only the war itself was not colored; Tom understood that his lover didn't want to influence the girl's pragmatic assessment of the conflict that had shaped their lives. It was the circumstance that had brought them together, and had torn them apart.
"So what did it feel like," said Martis, faintly blushing, "when you kissed Da for the first time?" It was now the question and answer period.
"Well, it was actually very special. I knew that he was someone I wanted to spend more time with," answered Chakotay.
Tom's memories were of a hard, frantic, hungry kiss with his back against the bulkhead inside Chakotay's dark cabin. They'd had a bad battle and Tom had reached his limit of the brown eyes boring a hole in the back of his head, the hot waves of emotion coming from his captain, the sexual tension that had developed between them - within almost minutes of their meeting. Tom had followed Chakotay after mess. They hadn't spoken a word. He'd been slammed against the bulkhead within a nanosecond of entering. Their mouths had merged. They'd ripped off their clothes and fell on the bed and began more frantic movements. But then something had changed. Their kisses had sweetened, and slowed, and become intensely deeper.
Just to remember it made Tom's throat close. He conceded that perhaps his lover's description might be accurate. He leaned toward the man and ran a hand over the back of his neck, up into that short but silky hair of his. Chakotay turned his head and their eyes locked. Yes, the memories were good ones. Of lives changed in a single night.
Martis cleared her throat softly, and they focused on her. "It seems like if the captain hadn't gotten Da out of prison, then you wouldn't be together now. I wouldn't be here."
Chakotay nodded after a moment. "That's true. But maybe we would have found a way to be together, somehow. I believe love works like that. And I don't want to think about how unhappy I'd have been without him. But you? You still would have been born - just maybe to your Momma and someone else."
Her eyes widened. "Ew-ww."
Tom laughed. "It wouldn't have been that bad, honey!"
"Yes, it would have. You not be my father?" She shook her head. "No, I wouldn't have liked that. Uh uh. I'd rather be here - and be the reason you two got back together."
Tom dearly wished she were still small enough to cuddle on his lap. To tickle senseless. To hold until she fell asleep on his shoulder. He reached for Chakotay's hand and grasped it tightly. Too fast. Life happened just too fast.
"So, what do you think it's like to be in love?" Martis asked Neelix. He handed her the chocolate chips and she attempted to stir them into the thick batter.
"Well, sweetie, it's a wonderful feeling. Everything around you looks different - your friends seem more friendly, you feel great , the person you love is beautiful. It's like, like a mountain of leola root and chocolate rolled into one," Neelix finished with a flourish and a big smile.
She stole a glance at Naomi, who was climbing down from the step stool, trying not to laugh. The girl caught her eye, too, and they lost control in a flash. They laughed in earnest until Neelix's sputtering broke through the haze of it all and they made themselves stop.
"What is so funny?" The Talaxian stood with his hands on his hips and looked down his nose at them both.
Martis knew she could not risk looking at her very young friend, so she kept her eyes fastened firmly on her father. "I'm sorry, Neelix - but you know how much we hate leola root. The thought of mixing it with chocolate, is, um, totally disgusting." She started to smile broadly, but breathed through the giggles that threatened.
"Totally," echoed Naomi.
"I see," said Neelix seriously. "So then my new recipe for chocolate chip cookies is not going to be a hit." A grin was beginning to play on the corners of his mouth. "I thought that perhaps putting in some freshly grated leola root might punch it up a bit. Not a good idea?"
Martis shook her head vehemently, still smiling. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Naomi shake her head, too, then cover her mouth as she started to laugh again. Martis bit the inside of her cheek.
"Why should I listen to someone with flour all over her face?" Neelix, now grinning in full force, teased Naomi.
Naomi's laughter stopped and her hand flew up to her cheeks, and nose, feeling until she found the flour. "It's only a little bit... And you have some, too," she finished, smiling again. She pointed to Neelix's nose.
He touched himself and made a sound of mock horror. "My goodness, you're right." He looked from one girl to the other. "Well then, why doesn't Martis have any?" He asked Naomi, dipping his hand in the flour container.
Martis couldn't believe it - he wouldn't really do it - would he? Naomi shrugged her shoulders, and Neelix shrugged his in return. Before she could stop him, her father took a very floured finger and ran it down her face, from her forehead right down to her chin. Her former friend, Naomi, lost it again and started to giggle loudly. Neelix was laughing, too, giving Martis an apologetic look at the same time. She studied them both, then put her hands into the flour and swiped at one small face with cute little horns and one larger, spotted one.
That stopped their laughter. And started one very large flour fight - all three of them were trying to cover each other with as much of the powder as they could in the shortest possible time. Martis was laughing so hard her stomach was beginning to hurt. Neelix lost his chef's cap in the cookie dough. Naomi's clothes were almost completely white, and tears were falling down her cheeks as she clutched her stomach, too. The laughter was loud, and raucous, and the air was beginning to get thick with a fog of flour.
"NEELIX!"
Martis stopped laughing, mostly, her heart pounding as she recognized that voice. She knew they all did. They turned slowly toward the mess hall counter.
Commander Chakotay stood sternly, hands on his hips. He was not laughing in the least.
Kathryn stood in front of her command chair on the bridge and called out, "Again!"
The view screen clearly showed the small vessels in front of Voyager getting knocked around. Behind the vessels the ocean that comprised this strange planet swirled, as if in response. Finally, to the captain's relief, a communications link was opened.
The face of Deputy Consul Burkus of the Monean Maritime Sovereignty filled the screen. Kathryn sighed to herself, wondering why she always had to show force, just to tell people who they were and what they wanted, or needed. She sincerely hoped this contact would prove fruitful, but at the very least interesting.
Sitting in the copilot's seat of the Delta Flyer, Martis watched Da's hands. It was one of the things she loved the most about being with him at a helm. His hands fairly glided over the surface of any conn he touched. She still didn't quite understand why he'd put levers and knobs on the Flyer's controls, but she loved him for it, anyway.
He turned to her, and her heart sank. "No," he said, "you can't come on this mission. You're not ready to copilot with me. I'm sorry, but no."
"But Da - this is so important to you... I want to be there, too. Please? I want to see the water."
"Martis - this may just be a mission of exploration, but it's still dangerous. I'm not going to let you be put in danger when I can prevent it. What kind of father would I be? And do you really think that Tayo would say okay?" He shook his head and gave her 'that' look.
"But B'El and Harry and you have made all of the modifications. The Flyer can do anything." She really believed that. This big shuttle craft was amazing, and she was itching to fly it with Da.
He turned and took both of her hands in his. His were warm. Though they dwarfed hers, she knew there were similarities between the two pairs. In shape, in movement. Their blue eyes locked together.
"I know that you want to be with me," he said gently, "and in any other circumstance, I'd want you to be here, too. I want to show you what I fell in love with. This is just not the time or place. Not yet. Now - what I can do is check with the captain and see if you can at least sit in on the meetings we'll be having with the Moneans. It would be a good experience for you. And then, when this is all over - I'll take you out for your first real flying. No more sims. You'll sit right where you are, and we'll take the Flyer out for a spin. I know it's not what you want, but it's the best I can do."
She was acutely disappointed, but she knew when to give up. "Can I stay here while you all finish up?"
He smiled. "Absolutely. We'll ask Tayo to talk to the captain on your behalf, okay? You can wander around and see what we're doing, that's fine."
"You'll really take me out in her later?"
"You bet I will."
She smiled at him in return. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He let go of her hands and, still smiling, went back to his work. She settled back in her seat, pulled her knees up, and watched. She hoped that someday, her Da really would get to sail on the kind of boat he'd always dreamed about. Maybe when they all reached Earth.
Tom heard Harry saying 'hi' and turned around. He got up and motioned for Martis to come with him. Riga was entering the upper level of the shuttle. He took his daughter's elbow in hand.
"Welcome, Riga," he said. He knew his grin was wide, but he couldn't seem to stop it.
"Hello, Lieutenant Paris. I've brought along my scanning equipment which I think will be helpful."
Tom doubted it, but he wasn't about to say that to this man, whom he was liking more and more. He reminded Tom of Neelix, somehow. "That's fine, we'll check it and see if it'll work better than what we've got already." The Monean smiled and nodded. "Riga," Tom continued, "This is my daughter, Martis."
Martis held out her hand, and Riga shook it.
"Hello," she said, "I'm very pleased to meet you."
"As am I," answered the man. "Are you coming along with us?"
She glanced up at Tom briefly. "No, I'm not. I was just watching all of the preparations. I hope that you find the data you're looking for."
His smile broadened. "Thank you. Thank you very much."
"Martis," Tom said, "I think it's time to go."
Their eyes locked again as she turned to him. "Good luck, Da," she said sincerely. "Enjoy the water." She held up her arms, and he accepted the invitation gladly.
He bent over and embraced her tightly, and whispered in her ear, "Love you, honey."
"Love you, too. Be careful." She released him.
He watched her go to both B'Elanna and Harry and give them a good luck hug, marveling yet again that this girl was his own flesh and blood. His friends, her family, joked with her and took her wishes for their safe return with love. He could see it in their eyes. He sighed aloud.
"She is someone special to return home to, is she not?" Riga said quietly, beside him.
"Yes, she is."
Martis started for the doorway.
"Martis," Tom called. She turned. "Take care of Tayo for me, okay?"
She saluted with a grin. "Aye, aye, sir."
He laughed along with B'Elanna and Harry as she left the Flyer, his heart starting to flutter again. He was heading for the ocean and he could hardly wait.
Tom double checked the data from the underwater download. B'Elanna and Harry had been gone from the Flyer for not more than ten minutes when he'd found what he thought was the real problem. He called Riga over to the console.
"It's the oxygen mining operations that are destroying the ocean," Tom said. "Nothing else."
Riga looked at the data, then looked at Tom. "The refineries..."
He nodded and could think of nothing else to say.
Chakotay sat in his command chair, almost literally on his hands, trying to stay put. This was one of those times that he absolutely hated being second in command. His eyes kept straying to the briefing room doors, behind which were not only the Moneans, but his partner and his daughter. Even though this was a straightforward situation, he'd wanted to be involved when Martis attended her first official diplomatic meeting. He was fully aware there was no reason for him to be there, and that his only desire was just to see her face. She was probably bored to death.
As for Tom - he hadn't looked too well when he'd crossed the bridge from the lift with Riga in tow. Their eyes had met and Tom had assured him all was well. Chakotay didn't believe it. He had a gut feeling.
The briefing room doors opened. B'Elanna came out, with Burkus and Riga. She led them to the turbolift. Tom's voice floated out of the room just before the doors to both places closed. Within not even five minutes, Kathryn exited the briefing room and Chakotay's heart started to hammer. She was doing a slow burn.
"We leave for the Alpha Quadrant at 1400 hours. I'll be in my ready room," she stated with force as she walked in front of him.
He'd barely had time to say 'very well captain' before she was locked away inside her sanctuary. His eyes shot back to the briefing room doors, which had closed again. Just as he was about to get up and see how Tom and Martis were doing, the doors swooshed open and his lover stalked out, crossed the bridge, made eye contact briefly, held up his hand to forestall any questions and got into the lift. Chakotay stood, turned, and saw Tom standing with his arms folded the second before the lift doors shut.
He turned around again. The briefing room doors were closed. The ready room doors were closed. The lift was gone. His gut was in knots.
Martis sat back down at the long table and tried to get her thoughts in order. She knew three things. No, she knew four things. Three of which she wouldn't have known if she hadn't done what she wasn't supposed to do - listen to people's thoughts.
The Monean Consul Burkus was lying to everyone. He had no intention of telling anyone what Voyager had discovered about the planet. He had some reason that she didn't quite understand, something about his relationship with people he called the Regional Sovereigns. Either way, he had lied. She hadn't listened to him, however, until she'd heard Riga.
Riga she'd listened to because she liked him, she'd wanted to practice a skill that she didn't often practice, and she didn't think there'd be any harm. She'd never tell anyone what she heard, she'd never see these people again, she was simply curious about the expressions on his face during the meeting. Riga was begging, silently, for Voyager's help. He knew Burkus was lying. He knew the planet would be destroyed and nothing would be done. He believed that the advanced technology of Voyager could help them, somehow. He wanted to destroy one or two of their refineries.
Captain Janeway was extremely angry with Da. She didn't have to listen to the woman to understand that. Martis did not, however, understand at all why the captain was refusing to do anything further to help. She thought she understood the Prime Directive pretty well. The people on the ship had already done a great deal to interfere with the workings of the planet. They'd discovered what the problem was. The captain had even gone so far as to give away all of the schematics of the Delta Flyer - and Martis thought that sharing that much technology was already getting close to breaking the Prime Directive. She had a lot of questions for the captain.
But Da. She'd listened to him, and knew she was going to be in a lot of hot water because of it. She'd done it because the look on his face after his argument with the captain had frightened her. And now she didn't know what to do. He was thinking about how he could go against the captain's orders, and save the planet himself.
She studied her hands for something to look at. Her Da's hands - long, strong fingers. If he disobeyed Captain Janeway, she might not ever let him fly this ship again. He'd die if that happened. She had to do something, even if it meant she'd get in trouble. Her mother had taught her that. There were times to stand up and take action, based upon what you knew that others didn't. She got up quickly and went to the bridge. Tayo.
Chakotay looked up when the briefing room doors opened again and smiled at his daughter. She, however, walked directly to him and put her hands behind her back, all business. The knot in his stomach tightened.
"I need to speak to you, in private," said Martis quietly.
He didn't hesitate. He stood, turned, and ordered Tuvok to take the bridge, then led Martis back into the briefing room.
He asked her to repeat everything a second time, just to be certain he'd registered it all. His overwhelming urge to protect Tom had made him deaf in one ear.
"It's okay, Martis," he reassured her, seeing her eyes begin to fill. "I'll take care of it. I'll go find him. Shh..." He pulled her gently to his chest and encouraged her to take some deep breaths. After a minute, she had calmed herself enough to move back, looking at him directly.
"I'm sorry, Tayo. But I'm also glad I was there."
"I'm glad you were, too - and you know you'll need to apologize to Da most of all." Caressing her cheek, he watched as a look of determination settled on her features.
"I know. I will."
"Okay. So you can either wait here, or in the cabin, or if you want to stay on the bridge you can sit at the Science station."
"Can I stand with Harry?"
"Only if you're not bothering him." He'd stop at Ops and give the man permission to shoo the girl away if necessary.
"Thank you, Tayo," she said softly. Her eyes were pleading again.
"Don't worry, sweetness," he responded, "I'll take care of everything." After she nodded, he kissed her head and left as quickly as possible.
Chakotay found Tom in the Flyer. Sitting in his pilot's seat, but with his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. He hadn't moved, though Chakotay was sure he'd heard his approach. He sat next to him.
Tom slowly raised his head and clasped his hands together. "Why are you here?"
"Because I love you - and I don't want you to do something that could get you demoted or even killed." Deliberately, he kept his voice low.
Tom's eyes widened, then shone with a spark of anger. "Did the captain threaten me with those? Is that what happened?"
"No, of course not. She didn't send me. Martis did."
His anger dissipated. "Martis?"
"She told me you were going to disobey orders and do something yourself to try and save Monea," he said. He saw Tom's eyes blaze and stopped him from replying by holding up a hand quickly. "Before you let yourself get good and angry at her - tell me the truth. What were you planning?"
"Is the commander asking me, or is Chak?" spat out Tom.
"Just Chak at the moment, but Commander Chakotay will do whatever he has to - to stop a lieutenant hell-bent on insubordination."
A surly lieutenant looked at him.
"Tom - please. Talk to me."
"What's the point? Our daughter has already read my mind and told you..."
Chakotay wanted to scream. To see the old defiance on his lover's face again, the angry tension coiled in his body again, tore at his soul. "Damn it, Tom -- don't do this! I know you're angry at Kathryn, I know you want to do something about this planet, I know you're angry at your daughter -- but please -- I'm trying to help! If you go behind the captain's back what do you think she'll do? She'll destroy this shuttle with you in it before she'll let you break the PD! Are you willing to die for this? To leave Martis without a father? To leave me?!"
Tom's defiance crumbled as their eyes locked. He shook his head slowly, and Chakotay could see tears welling. He wanted desperately to kiss them away.
Tom said quietly, "I can't do that to either of you." He wiped his eyes. "I can't."
"Thank you." Chakotay breathed again.
"But it's not right. The captain's not right. Burkus isn't going to do anything, these reports are going to sit in some committee for months, even years probably. Nothing is going to happen..."
"How did you know that about Burkus?"
"It was patently obvious when he was talking that he was just giving us the run-around. And the captain said that it didn't matter, it wasn't up to us to do anything else. The fucking PD. Convenient when things get too hard. And did you know she gave them the schematics for the Flyer? Which is fine, they need the technology to get that far underwater - but all of that crap with the Kazon to keep replicator technology out of their hands and she just gives this guy my shuttle?"
Chakotay smiled gently. "Your shuttle?"
Tom gave an embarrassed shrug. "Okay, OUR shuttle. But still."
"You're right about Burkus, but not in the way you think. Martis also listened to him, and to Riga..."
Chakotay told him what the child had found out, and as they talked it out together, a plan of action was decided upon. He agreed that Kathryn needed to have the entire picture, needed to know what Martis had heard and needed to hear it directly from her. And it was important that Tom show his daughter that things could be worked out by talking rationally. He would apologize to the captain in Martis' presence and try to gently prod the woman into making just one more diplomatic move. To find someone besides Burkus to give their data to. With Riga having asked for help, even though Martis was the only one who'd heard him, they had a very tiny foot in a door that they hoped Kathryn Janeway would open widely.
They finally stood, and contacted both the captain and their child. A meeting was set up. Chakotay listened to Tom asking for it from his superior officer, and thought he had never been prouder of the man. If only the admiral could see what he himself did in Tom Paris.
Chakotay reached for him after the comm link closed. He pulled him into a tight embrace, and took a deep breath. Tom moved his head enough to kiss him, and he allowed it. He needed it, too. The kiss deepened, and he allowed that as well. But when he felt himself begin to seriously succumb, he untangled their tongues.
"We're still on duty," he said reluctantly.
"I know," Tom agreed in a soft voice. "Can I just say that I'm sorry I frightened you?"
He nodded.
"I love you, Chakotay."
He kneaded Tom's lower back. "I love you, too. How about we pick this up tonight, between the sheets, or maybe under the water?"
"That sounds..."
They were interrupted by a loud, "Oh, excuse me!"
They turned their heads quickly. "Riga - hello," said Tom genially.
"I am so sorry - I'm just picking up my equipment, Lieutenant." The man looked thoroughly embarrassed.
Chakotay was equally so. But it was Tom who extracted himself from their embrace and took control when Chakotay failed to move.
"Riga - it's okay. I don't know if you've met the commander? He's the First Officer here on Voyager, meaning he is Captain Janeway's second in command. He's also my mate. Martis' other father. This is Commander Chakotay." Tom swept his hand toward him, as if they were in a formal function. Growing up at the admiral's knee definitely came in handy at times.
Chakotay stepped forward and shook the man's hand, greeting him officially. Then he had an idea. He asked Riga if there was anyone other than Burkus in the echelons of Monean government that could speak with the Regional Sovereigns. If so, could Riga make contact with him or her for the captain. Riga smiled a very broad smile and confirmed there was. He said he could take care of that.
Chakotay looked at Tom and they grinned together.
Tom stood in his cabin, gazing out the viewports at the ocean planet. He heard soft footfalls and then felt two strong arms wrapping around his waist and a kiss on his back. Chakotay came around to his side, but Tom pulled him all the way to his front and took a turn at hugging from behind, and kissing the soft hair on the back of Chakotay's head.
He looked out at the planet again and sighed.
"It's so beautiful, Chak, isn't it?"
"It's extraordinary," the man he loved agreed. "So I was thinking..."
"Haven't we done enough of that for one day?"
"Not quite. I was thinking that when we get home, if we end up living on Earth, we could get a boat. A sailboat. A big sailboat and take it out on the bay, and then on the Pacific Ocean."
He squeezed Chakotay, too overcome to speak. Visions of this man, standing on the deck of a sailboat, the sun shining on his tattoo, burnishing his skin even darker swam before his eyes.
"Tom? Wouldn't you like that?"
"Yeah, Chak, I'd like that," he said through a slightly closed throat.
The man lifted his hand and kissed it. "Good. That's what we'll do then."
He watched the ocean swirl, and slowed down his breathing, and swallowed the lump. He thought of their daughter, who at that very moment was in the briefing room with the captain, Riga, and a woman who was a full Consul of the Monean Maritime Sovereignty. He hoped that Martis really was enjoying herself as much as she'd claimed. She'd really been the one to make headway with the captain, questioning the application of the Prime Directive in the situation they were now in. In terms of his own peace of mind, Tom knew he'd done what he could and was hopeful for the ultimate outcome.
"Kes would have been so proud of her," he said quietly.
"You're right, she would have been. I was. I am. Of you, too."
His throat was closing again. He kissed the black hair in front of his mouth. "She's growing up, Chak."
This time his lover merely nodded, and Tom felt a slight hitch in
the man's breathing. He held him incrementally closer and bent his head,
kissing the side of Chakotay's neck, closing his eyes, seeing the blue waters
of the Pacific, sparkling in the sun.