Chakotay rubbed his eyes, wishing the fatigue could simply be erased by the action and knowing it would never be so. He sipped his now cooled cup of tea and grimaced. What he needed was hot steam. Down his esophagus and into his stomach. Then washing over his body as he stood in the shower. In the shower with Tom... a long, pale neck directly in front of his mouth - aching to be tasted, and savored, and bitten.
"Commander," he said aloud, "you are in serious need of a vacation."
Truer words had never been spoken. He sighed and reread the confidential personnel record one last time before entering it permanently. It was another counseling report on Noah Lessing. Chakotay'd been working with the man over the past two months, sometimes weekly, sometimes more often than that. He'd offered his services to Noah within hours of the Equinox crew's formal "welcome" onto Voyager.
Welcome, though, was hardly the word to describe how the captain had treated them. Not even veiled hostility or distrust was shown. Open distrust. Open challenge. Unapologetic dismissal of Lessing's emotional state. She'd refused to acknowledge the young man's own distrust and fear of the woman who'd been willing to kill him. The woman he was now serving under. The captain had wanted none of it.
Chakotay's command relationship with his superior officer continued to be strained, though she'd made some attempt to mend what she'd almost permanently broken. But then he'd done the unthinkable, in her mind. He'd taken some minutes in a senior staff meeting to ask the people there to please make some effort to show friendliness to the former Equinox crew. To set an example for everyone else. This had prompted the beginnings of a discussion about what to do and how to do it, that the captain had cut off by dismissing the meeting entirely. But Chakotay had continued the discussion, in private, with the senior staff. He was concerned - very concerned.
He looked at his tea cup and contemplated another sip, then shuddered involuntarily. He read a few more passages of Noah's counseling report, wishing he could shove them under Kathryn's stubborn nose and force her to read them. Lessing continued to have nightmares. He continued to feel resentful toward the captain. He continued to acknowledge that as far as he could see, he would never be able to redeem himself in his new captain's eyes. And he wanted to. He struggled with what had happened with Captain Ransome almost daily. A fiercely loyal man, both to his superiors and to Starfleet, he needed to find someplace to put his loyalties now. Friendships were mostly with Equinox outcasts like himself, though he was developing one with Ken. Chakotay, however, was the only high ranking officer he had regular contact with.
Lessing was also a very gifted young man, who could have had a successful career as a Science Officer had the Equinox not been pulled into the Delta Quadrant. But Noah Lessing divided his time between doing inventories in various cargo bays and working in shuttle maintenance. Running track or playing pool with Ken. Eating meals with Marla Gilmore. Reading. Chakotay was very worried about this man. He wasn't experienced enough at counseling to know all of the signs of suicidal tendencies. The Doctor was on quiet, private notice. Chakotay checked Lessing's replicator records each morning and each night. It was all he could think to do.
Tom finished up at the replicator and commed Chakotay again. The man was working just way too damned hard, in his opinion. Yes, things on board ship at the moment were sort of a mess, and yes, the man he loved was responsible for trying to smooth some of the mess out -- but Tom was getting really close to sending a message to the captain demanding that she take some of the burden off the First Officer's shoulders. The burden that, also in his opinion, she was partially to blame for.
Chakotay assured him he'd be home in a few minutes. Tom checked the preparations in the bedroom and bathroom one last time. All was to his liking. He entered the living area just as Chakotay walked through the door - and Tom's heart skipped. Amazing though that was to him, he reveled in it. He still thought the man walking toward him was the most gorgeous, most intelligent, most loving, most grounded, most incredible man he'd ever known. His heart still skipped to see him.
He took Chakotay into his arms and felt him sigh deeply against his chest. So the counseling session hadn't gone particularly well. This was the only way Tom knew. He held him a little tighter.
"Welcome home," he said quietly.
"Mmm." The sound vibrated into Tom's neck and he smiled.
He pulled back, dipped his head, and kissed those sweet, full lips. He tried to deepen it, but Chakotay resisted. Tom pulled back again.
"Martis is with 'Lanna tonight. She won't be home till late."
Brown eyes focused on his. "Not till late?"
Tom shook his head and smiled again. "So, my one and only - do you want to eat first, or partake in the delights I have in store for us in the bed and bath?"
Chakotay cocked his head. "Partake in the delights?"
"Sorry - I've been reading one of our daughter's romance novels. I've said this before and I won't say it again, but I do believe that 'Lanna is becoming a very bad influence on her. Do you know what they're doing tonight? Watching vids. We won't talk about the subject matter."
The man in his arms began to chuckle. "Tom - she's a teenager. And at the moment, an absent teenager. So let's get back to the delights, shall we? What are they?"
"Uh uh, it's a surprise. Food or delights, mister - that's your choice," he said, emphasizing the verbal with the physical. He kissed the man, deeply this time, hearing the small moan that Chakotay always released and that never failed to arouse him.
B'Elanna ate a handful of popcorn and took a long swallow of her synthale. She thought about Martis' suggestion, but shook her head. "No. He's too old."
"He's not too old. He's only twenty-five," stated Martis.
B'Elanna let out a short laugh that she couldn't contain. "What - have you been reading their medical records again? Martis, I swear, one of these days the Doc is going to catch you..."
"I didn't read their records! I just looked at their vital stats, that's all."
"Well, either way - he's too old for you! Good grief."
Martis ate some popcorn and pulled up another name on her PADD. "He's the youngest one on board - and besides - he's very cute. You can't deny that."
B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders. "I don't. Gerron is adorable. He's a very nice guy, a real sweetheart. But..."
Martis interrupted her. "He has beautiful eyes."
"Yes, he does. But - do you feel anything when you're around him? Does your heart flutter, do you get butterflies in your stomach, do you feel kind of queasy?" She took another drink of her ale, then pointed the bottle at her friend. "And you know damned well those are the signs to look for. Now, give me that PADD."
Martis clutched the thing to her chest. "No way - this is private property."
She sighed. "Okay, okay. You're not going to answer my questions, are you?"
"What questions?" Blue eyes looked guilelessly at her.
"Very funny." She watched Martis studying her PADD that she carried just about everywhere with her. "Just don't forget, Martis," she said seriously, "what love is and what it isn't."
This time the blue eyes were steady, and clear. "I won't B'Elanna, I promise." She smiled. "I'm just having some fun, thinking about my prospects. In six months, I'll be what you guys call eighteen, and from what I understand that's the equivalent of an adult on Earth. I just want to be ready. You know, in case someone actually asks me out, or I want to ask them."
"Oh, honey." B'Elanna's heart went out to her. If Martis had any idea how many of the men on the crew had approached B'Elanna with questions about her. But she'd kept her mouth firmly shut, not wanting to assist them. If the men had the balls to ask for a date, then they should ask. If they were afraid of Martis' fathers, that was a strike against them right off the bat. Any man getting involved with this young woman was going to need a strong personality. She didn't deserve any less.
"So," B'Elanna continued, "do you feel any butterflies around Gerron?"
"No, not really. He's nice, he doesn't get all weird around me when I join you all in the mess. But no, I don't. He just has such pretty eyes..."
"Who else is on the new list?"
"Well - Mortimer Herron. He's really cute."
B'Elanna was glad she wasn't trying to swallow at that moment. "Kah'less - take him off that list. Now. He's as antisocial as they come, hates everyone, hates the ship. I think sometimes that Jenny and Megan are going to boot his ass right out of Astrometrics and send him down to me. Take him off," she stated firmly.
Martis covered her mouth and started to laugh out loud. After a minute, she calmed herself enough to speak. "Sorry, B'El, but I was only kidding. Can you imagine being on a date with him? I mean, I know he's lonely and would really like it if someone would be friends with him - but I don't think I want to be that someone." Martis giggled. "He is awfully cute, though."
Now it was her turn to laugh. She grabbed a piece of popcorn and tossed it at Martis' head, where it landed. Martis grinned and popped it into her mouth.
"You should see," the girl said, still grinning, "he's got this little dimple..."
Chakotay rested his cheek against the shower stall and moaned. Tom's breath was panting in his ear, his body was pressed up against Chakotay's back, and his cock was firmly embedded in Chakotay's ass. The steamy, hot water ran over them, finding pathways to trickle down between them, hitting their legs, and backs. Tom pulled Chakotay's arms up and pressed their hands together against the wall, and he gave it all over to him. He just wanted to be taken away, far away, where it was just them, and they could lose themselves in each other.
"Love you, Chakotay," Tom whispered.
Spirits, yes, Tom. Love me. Love me like nobody ever has. Tom kissed his neck, and he managed to move his head enough to give him more skin. The kiss progressed to lavish sucking, as Tom thrust in, and out, and Chakotay drifted, a climax building slowly and surely inside of him. He imagined they were on a beach somewhere, in an outside shower, with the sun shining through lush greenery over their heads, and birds were singing, and the sky was almost the blue of Tom's eyes, and the man he loved with his entire being was loving him, taking him. Far, far away.
He felt the heat of Tom's body pressing against him. The force of Tom's thrusts. The delicousness of Tom's lips against the skin of his neck. His eyes stayed closed. His climax was almost upon him, would hit without any touch to his own erection. The blue sky in his mind changed to starlight. Love you, Tom ... He leapt. The stars exploded as waves of release moved through him, as he spurt into the air, as he contracted around his lover, as his legs got weak and heavy.
Tom thrust with a loud groan and came hard inside of him.
"Love you, Tom," he said softly against the wall. "Love you..." The sky was blue again. The birds took off, en masse, from the trees. Love you.
They were lounging under the covers, doing what they tried to do once per week now that Martis was older - eat in bed. It was a very small luxury that they afforded themselves. A stress reducer. Something against all regs, and all convention. Their daughter understood it and did her best to support it by making other plans for dinner.
"There's something I need to talk to you about," Tom said. He was loathe to bring it up, but had no choice, really. Chakotay nodded. "The captain talked to me at the very end of shift today. She wants to train Martis to be her diplomatic assistant..."
"Her what?" Sure enough, there was that look in Chakotay's eyes.
"Chak, take a deep breath," Tom said gently. This was their new code phrase, used whenever mention of Kathryn Janeway was made and the mention didn't sit well.
"I'm okay - what in the world does she mean by that?"
"Well, she wants to use Martis' abilities to become something like Deanna Troi - to do what she does for Captain Picard. So that we'll be able to tell when some species is lying to us, or has other agendas."
Chakotay shook his head. "I don't like the idea. What about you?"
Tom wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it. His emotional reaction to their superior officer was still colored by what she'd done to his lover during the Equinox situation. He was still angry, and fully aware of the fact that he needed to let it go. But he was still angry. He had always granted that Ransome needed to be stopped, hell, everyone did. But in his mind, she'd had no right to put Chakotay under locked guard in their quarters. Her apology didn't go far enough. Her treatment of the Equinox survivors since then was beneath her. He didn't understand why she was acting the way she was.
"I'm a little concerned about putting Martis so close to the captain right now. I'd like her to find something useful to do, we both know she's bored only working the hydroponics bay. But I'm concerned." He put his hand in Chakotay's.
Chakotay exhaled loudly and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "Me, too." After a moment, he added, "I'm concerned about Kathryn, as well, Tom. And I feel a little guilty for having such a knee-jerk reaction to the idea. You know, Martis would probably enjoy herself, it would be great experience for her, and spirits know we could certainly use her help. Maybe it would be a good thing for the captain. At least she's admitting she needs some assistance."
"Since she won't listen to you," Tom spat out quietly.
Chakotay brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed Tom's. "She listens. Sometimes." He turned and those deep, dark brown eyes were soft. "I amend my opposition. I suggest we ask our daughter what she wants."
"I think we can both guess what Neelix's reaction to this is going to be." Chakotay nodded at him. The captain could still do mostly no wrong in the Talaxian's eyes. "It'd be good for the two of them, too, I'll admit that." Chakotay nodded again. Tom sighed. "Okay - let's talk to her over breakfast."
A very small dimple shining at him in the low lights of the room was his reward. They moved the plates to the ledge behind them. They checked the time and contacted Martis, just to say good night, as was their routine. She promised she'd be home by 2130 hours. Then they turned the lights even lower, and stretched out in their bed, and came into each other's arms. Tom rolled onto his back, pulling Chakotay tightly to him, spreading his legs to cradle the man between them. Chakotay caressed his face so tenderly, that Tom truly thought if he ever lost him, he would probably shrivel up and die. He'd just waste away into nothingness.
Knowing she had at least twenty minutes before she had to be home, Martis decided to take a highly circuitous route back to her cabin. She looked at other data on her PADD and saw that, as she thought she'd remembered, she only had four hours of holodeck time in her reserve to last another two weeks. She sighed. Walking through some woods would have been enjoyable before going to bed.
The holoprogram that Tayo had given her was now one of her favorites. Even though it was really just one stand of forest, she'd yet to explore all of it. And right then, the familiar shaded creek running through the ravine was a place she needed to sit in. To feel the cool, damp air. To hear the sound of the water. To smell the sequoias. But fifteen minutes would not be long enough for her to use holodeck time that she needed for other things.
She'd circled B'Elanna's deck and was almost back where she'd started. Her friend kept asking her about butterflies in her stomach, and a fluttering heartbeat. There was one person who had that effect on her, and it completely and thoroughly confused her. She walked by his door and stopped for a moment. She felt her cheeks flame. She headed quickly for the turbolift.
Kathryn put her book down and looked out the viewports for what was undoubtedly the twentieth time in the last hour. She pulled the throw more closely around her shoulders. The stars streaked by at warp three, and she pictured the beta shift bridge crew, talking quietly amongst themselves. Telling jokes. Swapping stories. She had an urge to go to her ready room and do some work with the door open, just to listen to them, though she knew that her presence would more than likely silence the group.
She took a long swallow of her wine and picked up her book again, wondering why, if she was so bone weary, she couldn't sleep for more than a few hours at a time.
Greg was almost under, but not quite. He floated in that quiet place between awake and asleep. Harry was already out, his face was pressed into the side of Greg's neck, his breathing slow, even and deep. Greg bore the weight of his husband on his chest gladly. Gratefully. Lovingly. He ran long fingers through Harry's silky hair and dreamed of terra firma under their feet. Of his sons sleeping in rooms nearby. Of a sunrise, streaming in through a window.
Comfortable under the covers, B'Elanna didn't move when she felt the familiar weight sink the mattress. She smiled into her pillow as Ken wrapped himself around her from behind.
"You asleep," he whispered.
"No. Did you have fun tonight?"
"Uh huh. Beat Noah two games out of four."
"Better watch it, pool shark - he's catching up fast."
"Yeah, he is."
The prolonged silence that followed was uncharacteristic of Ken. She turned her head. "You okay?"
He nodded and pulled them more tightly together. "I'm okay. Think I just feel kind of... lucky tonight. To be able to come home to you. That's all."
She held on to the arms around her waist, knowing exactly how he felt. She lifted one of his hands and kissed it, then relaxed in the only place she knew she always could. She drifted off to sleep.
Noah Lessing stretched his long body under the covers of his Starfleet issued bed. His toes almost touched the end. He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes against the sight of a plain, boring ceiling. He was keyed up, and the sounds of his roommate's light snoring, usually slightly soothing, were instead slightly annoying to him.
James Morrow, also formerly of the Equinox, was a hell of a good friend. The two of them spent quiet time in their cabin drilling each other on Academy classes in xenobiology, quantum physics, and the ecological disasters of the twenty-second century. At least what they could remember of those classes, since they'd taken them their first quarter. The list containing the rest of their education was lengthy, so they'd be drilling each other for years, more than likely. They'd vowed to each other that they'd not forget they were Science Officers, no matter what menial tasks they were given on Voyager.
Noah turned his head and opened his eyes. James was the lucky one. He slept like he didn't have a care in the universe, curled into a ball, his covers pulled tightly up to his chin. Noah had told the commander earlier in the afternoon that he'd give anything to trade places with his friend. He'd been sincere at the time, though regretful when he saw the look of concern cross the older man's face. Trying to reassure him that he was, actually, fine hadn't gone well, either.
Closing his eyes again, Noah rolled onto his stomach. He knew he wasn't fine. He knew he'd probably have another nightmare. He knew Captain Ransome would visit him in the wee hours of the morning. He tried to practice a relaxation technique Commander Chakotay had been teaching him, knowing it should help, believing it should, hoping it would, and having no faith in it whatsoever.
He breathed slowly, imagining a soft place. He picked the gentle hills of the gold rush country near his home, where he and his family used to take weekend trips. Hiking through the oak and laurel forests, picnicking along the stream banks. His sister gathering bay laurel leaves for the spice cupboard. The glow of orange poppies in the sun. Reading a book, lying on a blanket, on his stomach. His parents talking about their jobs to each other, quietly. The rustle of oak trees in the breeze. His brothers off somewhere, exploring. He slowed his breathing even further. The commander's quiet voice spoke to him, repeatedly, as he fell asleep.
Martis sat on her stool in the hydroponics bay and checked the list of supplemental foodstuffs Neelix was requesting. She had seeds for those things she didn't already have growing, but a number of the seed stores were getting low. Tomatoes and onions in particular. But she had an idea that might solve her seed rotation problem, and give Marla Gilmore, her assistant, a more interesting task to perform.
She closed her eyes in the quiet, and tried to talk to her mother. It was getting more difficult, and whether it was because she wasn't using her gift, or because she was getting older, she wasn't sure. But this morning she needed to connect with her. She was considering what Da and Tayo had told her over breakfast. Working side by side with the captain. It sounded intriguing - not particularly challenging, but intriguing.
However, her estimation of Captain Janeway had fallen in the past two months. She didn't like what the captain had done to Tayo, and how she'd been treating the Equinox people. Martis actually didn't think they should even be considered Equinox people, but Voyager crew members, just like everyone else. She knew how badly Marla felt, and she imagined it was likely the same for the rest of the group.
Yes, or no, Momma? She waited, and breathed.
Yes.
Her throat closed even as the warmth filled her, and without being able to stop them, tears streamed down her cheeks. She reached inside her jumper and pulled out the crystal, holding it tightly between her palms. Thanking her, she gave a quick run-down on how she was doing, and how Neelix was doing. Her mother's hands brushed her tears away, and even as she knew the contact was almost over, she also knew it had been enough. She was loved, and not forgotten.
The doors behind her swooshed open and she tried to compose herself.
"Good morning," said Marla.
"Hi," she responded, turning in her seat and putting the crystal back against the skin of her chest.
"Are you all right?"
She took a deep breath and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine. I was just thinking about my mother, that's all. Had a decision to make, and I was trying to figure out what she'd say about it. So - how are you?" She jumped off the stool. "Did you sleep okay?"
Marla smiled, too. "Are you keeping track for me? Well - let's see. Last night wasn't too bad. No anxiety attack. That makes five nights in a row I haven't had one. Pretty good, don't you think?"
She nodded. "Very good. Ready to put your engineering skills to work for us?"
Marla's eyes lit up. "Yes. Absolutely. What have you got?"
So she told her about the seed problem. The length of time it took for the plants to seed themselves, particularly in the case of onions was too long. They could barely keep up with the demand. They needed a way to fool the plants into thinking more time had passed, environmentally speaking. A change in the light and temperature could do it, but Martis wasn't certain it would. Marla asked for the standard growing conditions for the crops, and asked for assurance that Voyager would make whatever she designed.
"I'm sure," Martis said with more authority than she actually possessed, "that we'll be able to sell it to B'Elanna and the captain. As long as we keep the energy consumption within some set limits. That's what your challenge is," she finished with a smile.
Marla looked down at the PADD now in her hand, then met Martis' eyes. "Thank you."
She shook her head. "You're the one I hope I'll be thanking. Well, actually, Neelix will probably be thanking you. He goes through more onions..."
"You know, would you mind if I asked my friends James and Noah to give me a little help with this? They're the botany experts, and I think they'd enjoy the brainstorming."
She held up her hands. "You get whatever help you need - and if you'd feel more comfortable with some official approval we can go talk to Commander Chakotay."
"That would be best. I don't want to get anyone into any trouble."
Martis sighed to herself. She couldn't imagine Vorik, or Sue, or Ken having to get approval to talk to other workers about their areas of expertise. But she agreed it was prudent, so she commed her father and asked for a time to meet, as soon as possible. After a moment, he set up a time fifteen minutes from then, in his office.
"I see no problem with this," Chakotay stated. He checked the duty roster, out of form. Neither of the men were doing anything earth-shatteringly important as he well knew. "When would you like to start?" He asked his question of Marla Gilmore, pleased that his daughter had stepped into the background almost immediately.
"I suppose as soon as I can, sir."
"Very well. I'll contact both Noah and James and have them meet you in hydroponics." He smiled at the woman. "I trust that you'll let them return to their duties whenever you're finished with them."
"Yes, sir."
He stood. "Good luck, then. Let me know if you need anything else."
"I will. Thank you, Commander."
He showed them to the door, and Martis hung back for just a moment. She gave him a thumbs up and a smile, and he had to stifle a chuckle.
"Did you make a decision," he asked her quietly.
"Yes, I did. But can I have a day to sit with it before we talk to the captain?"
He wasn't surprised. "So you've decided to do it."
She nodded. He had an immediate, strong urge to hold her tightly, but instead he merely placed a hand on her shoulder.
"What ever you want, we can talk more at dinner tonight."
"Thank you, Tayo." Her blue eyes looked intently into his.
"You're welcome." He wasn't sure what precisely she was thanking him for, but whether it was helping Marla Gilmore, or being there for her, he didn't care. He shooed her out, knowing in his heart that whatever Martis wanted, within reason, he'd do his best to give it to her.
Martis looked across the stands of plants to the three people with their heads together. She'd never seen Marla's face quite so animated. James seemed to be the one who laughed the most, was the most relaxed. Noah did calculation after calculation on the PADD he rarely let go of. She noticed that he did smile every once in a while, which was nice to see.
It was getting near lunch break, and she was hungry and a little nervous. There was someone she hoped would be in the mess hall, and hoped wouldn't at the same time. The three got up and Marla waved to her. As they did just about every day, Marla and Noah left together. He normally came by and picked her up for lunch, and because they were usually seen in each other's company, Martis assumed they must be dating. She hadn't asked, as she didn't want to pry.
James took a moment to come over to where she was working and thank her. And though Martis still didn't think she deserved any thanks, she really just wanted more seeds, she acknowledged James anyway. He had a sweet smile. As he left, trotting after his friends, Martis thought that maybe she should put him on her new list.
Kathryn sighed loudly, with the luxury of being alone in the ready room and the doors closed. She leaned back in her chair and even contemplated putting her feet on the desk and closing her eyes, but refrained. Studying her console, she reviewed logs from the past six months, skipping over the ones concerning Ransome. She'd been correct in her memories. They'd averaged about 55% friendly species and 45% unfriendly. Not a bad ratio, given the hell of the Delta Quadrant as the home of the Borg. But still, difficult to know which direction each first contact would take, no matter what the Starfleet manual had taught her. First contact had become a joke in her mind. Ready phaser banks first, smile second was more like it.
She hadn't fully expressed to Tom, and deliberately so, just how much she felt the ship needed Martis to use her telepathy in all contact situations. She didn't imagine for a moment that the young woman would be able to be there on all shifts, or that she'd be mature enough to handle diplomatic situations - but she had enough poise and intelligence to read the truth and impart it efficiently. Given those parameters, Kathryn had complete faith in Martis. So why hadn't she gotten an answer from her? Kathryn sighed loudly again, and went back to studying the captain's logs.
B'Elanna was sitting with Harry in the mess hall, talking about a problem the ship was experiencing with the recycling system. Passing ideas for a fix back and forth, she barely registered Greg's presence when he sat down. She continued to discuss the possibilities until they finally came up with the best option.
In the breathing space, Greg leaned over and put his arm around Harry's shoulders and gave him a quick kiss on the head. The look on Harry's face as he gazed into Greg's eyes was almost enough to make her chortle. As Greg dropped his arm and returned to his meal, B'Elanna had an urge to ask them both - did they see that look on her face? Or on Ken's?
"So," she changed focus slightly, "you still like being married, don't you?" She didn't ask either of them directly.
They looked at each other again, in that way, then met her eyes.
"Yeah, we do," Harry answered with a grin.
She fiddled with her fork, but before conversation could continue, Martis was standing by the empty chair with a tray. Her eyes were darting between them all, but she was making no move to sit.
"Hey," Greg said, smiling broadly, "why aren't you joining us? Haven't seen you in a few days. Sit. Talk."
Watching her young friend put her tray down, B'Elanna was surprised to see a very slight blush move across Martis' cheeks.
The captain left the replicator and put two cups on the low table in front of the ready room couches. Tom took one and handed Chakotay his. The coffee was a little strong for Tom's tastes, but the aroma was just what he needed that morning.
"Martis," the captain said, "are you sure you don't want anything?"
"No, thank you."
The woman took a sip of her own coffee. "So - do you have any questions before you give me your answer?"
Martis turned and met both his eyes, and Chakotay's, in turn. He nodded to her, reassuring their daughter that she could speak for herself. She swiveled again.
"I do, Captain. Just one or two things I want to be certain of. You only want me to listen to the aliens and tell you if they're speaking honestly, right? Nothing more than that?"
"Yes, that's all we need. The commander and I can usually tell when a race is overtly hostile, of course, it's the ones who talk nicely to us while they're preparing to attack that are the problem. And those that are negotiating for one thing, when they're really thinking about stealing something else from us. I believe you can help in those situations. What do you think?"
"I think I can help. I'd like to."
Tom saw their superior officer visibly react, breathing deeply.
"Thank you," Captain Janeway said sincerely. "Now, let's talk details..."
Chakotay leaned close to Tom as they walked back onto the bridge. "That went fine, don't you think?"
Tom shrugged. "Yes. But - I feel like I want to carry a phaser now - at all times. Then if one of those aliens looks sideways at her I can blast 'em..."
Chakotay chuckled and held Tom's arm, stopping their progress. "Captain Proton to the rescue?"
Their eyes locked until Tom started to laugh softly. "Damn right."
Chakotay just plain wanted to kiss him right then. Push him up against the wall of the bridge and snake his tongue inside that sweet, smiling mouth. He was amazed.
B'Elanna was heading toward the hydroponics bay, deep in thought. She was going there on business with a console, that she'd borrowed from engineering, under her arm. Chakotay had told her about the project Marla Gilmore was working on, and asked her to get behind it before it was presented to the captain. She thought it sounded like a fine thing to construct and was more than willing to be brought into the situation early. In her opinion, the more normal foodstuffs that could be given to Neelix, the better.
Her thoughts, however, were centered on one young woman and the lunch break that had just finished. Martis again had sat with her, and Ken, and Greg. Which wasn't all that unusual, she didn't have friends aside from her family. She was getting old enough to hold her own in most conversations. The news she'd imparted, her new position, had been big enough to talk about for quite a while. B'Elanna had been, actually, surprised by Ken's reaction. He was quite forthright in his reservations about the whole thing. She suspected it was because of the captain's continued attitude toward the newest crew members.
It was Martis' demeanor that had her thinking. The girl had seemed almost shy and that was completely uncharacteristic for her. She had the uncomfortable feeling she understood it. Unfortunately, she felt duty bound to talk to Martis about it, before it got out of hand. She reached the door and entered the bay, sighing to herself.
Closing the access panel, Noah took a minute to rest on his back. There was no one else in this shuttle and no one would notice what he was doing, or not doing. The task he'd been assigned to, checking connectors for wear, was one of the ones he hated the most. It was boring as hell, and his large hands had difficulties moving connectors aside to get at ones further in the back. And he was not an engineer.
He was having a hard time switching his mind off, something he'd learned to do since arriving on Voyager. To save his own sanity if nothing else. But right then, he was still thinking about Marla's project, about how much he'd enjoyed the brainstorming, forcing those rusty gears in his head to move, and contemplate the problem, and consider options. The botanical issues were nothing new, historically speaking. But how to take what Voyager had at its disposal, and manipulate the plants into thinking that a year had passed. How short could they actually make the cycle? It was fascinating to him. And he couldn't let it go.
Then there was the added bonus of being able to surreptitiously watch someone who also fascinated him.
"Get a grip, Noah," he muttered.
He stopped his mind as much as possible. He made internal plans to talk to Ken, and see if the track program could be started that evening. Some running sounded good, full out running, and maybe some javelin work as well. Hard physical exercise, then perhaps he'd sleep.
B'Elanna tapped her badge. "Torres to engineering."
Carey's voice responded. "Engineering here, Lieutenant."
"I'll be another half hour at least, Joe. Comm me if there's another problem with the diagnostic." She knew that he'd only contact her after he'd try to take care of it himself, and odds were he'd be able to handle pretty much anything.
"Acknowledged."
"We don't have to talk right now, B'El - really," said Martis from her position on the couch. "I should get back..."
"No, I'm fine, Joe can take care of things. Relax." They were in Martis' cabin. B'Elanna had insisted they discuss things, and doing it while the fathers were on duty was a good time. They needed privacy, above all. And privacy wasn't always an easy thing to find on Voyager.
"Okay. I'm relaxed. What did you want to talk to me about?"
Yes, she thought, what did she want to talk about, and how to bring it up. "Well, you know how we've been talking about getting butterflies in the stomach, and stuff, when there's someone we're attracted to?"
Martis stared at her. "You want to talk about that right now? Why now?"
She stared back. "Because I think there's someone that you're feeling that way about, and I think we need to talk about it."
The girl blushed deeply.
B'Elanna's heart caught, and she touched her arm. "Martis, honey, it's Greg, isn't it? It's okay - you can tell me, I won't tell anyone."
"How did you know?" Martis' eyes were very wide.
"I could just see it, that's all - at lunch today, and yesterday..."
Martis let out sort of a strangled noise as her hand flew to her mouth.
"Oh, no, Martis, no - nobody else noticed. Honestly. Just me. Greg is completely in the dark. Trust me."
"Are you sure?"
She nodded. "Yes. I'm sure. And I'm not trying to embarrass you, I only want help you. To clarify some things with you. I've sort of given you slightly erroneous information. I just didn't think about it at the time."
"What can you clarify? I know he's married..."
"Well, yes, but that's an entirely different issue." She took a deep breath. "I forgot to tell you about crushes, and I think that's what is happening here. You only have a crush on Greg. You're not really in love with him."
"A crush? But I've got butterflies, and I get sort of queasy when I'm around him, and I feel confused a lot. I thought that was love. What's a crush?"
"Kah'less, I've so screwed this up," she muttered. "A crush feels like that. Love feels like that, too. But you usually get a crush on someone who's... unattainable. Like Greg. He's completely unattainable - you know? He's married, he's much older than you, well forget that one, but he's a member of your family, and he's homosexual above all else. He prefers men."
"But he has two children. He was married to a woman before," Martis argued.
"Let's back up a minute. You understand what I mean about him being unattainable?"
"I think so."
"You would never, ever, have any sort of romance with him. Not ever."
Martis was quiet. "I know, I guess. But then why do I feel like this?"
B'Elanna sighed. "Oh, honey, if I knew that... That's what is so awful about crushes. Look, I know that you love Greg, he's your uncle and is a part of your life. He loves you, too. Just try to hold onto that . Remember that he's going to be with Harry forever, most likely. And even if he broke up with Harry, he'd find another man to love. He falls in love with men, not women."
The comm interrupted them. She needed to get back to work, but she was loathe to leave Martis. The girl looked upset, and on the edge of devastated even.
She patted her knee, saying softly, "Martis - you're not the only one. We've all had crushes. There's a man out there for you to love, I'm certain of it. Don't give up." She stood. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. Are you gonna be okay?"
Martis nodded, and met her eyes briefly.
B'Elanna left, not at all sure she believed her.
After the door to her cabin closed, Martis jumped up and ran into her room. Tears were falling freely down her cheeks and her chest felt like it was going to collapse into itself. It hurt so badly. She fell down onto her bed and grabbed Dog, clutching him tightly, and sobbed.
She couldn't believe how horrible she felt. She knew Greg wasn't going to leave Harry, she didn't even want him and Harry to break up. But she'd been thinking about him so much lately, and the feelings she had inside for him were so strong, and so confusing. For some reason she did not understand, she didn't want reality to be real. It hurt too much to hear it all, everything that B'El had said. What was even worse was that she felt humiliated. Completely, thoroughly, embarrassed and terrible. What if B'El was wrong, and Greg knew?
She cried, and held Dog, and felt worse and worse. She wanted to go somewhere and hide and never show her face again. Taking a shuttle sounded wonderful, but she knew she'd never get past the shuttle bay doors. She sat up suddenly, gave Dog a last hug, tore off her comm badge and left her quarters.
"On screen," Captain Janeway called out as she arose from her command chair.
Chakotay looked to the view screen. The computer beeped. An alien with any number of ridges, bumps, and textures covering his or her face appeared.
"I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. We are merely attempting to traverse this sector of space..."
"You have violated the borders of the Ten'al'quo sovereignty. Either you reverse course or pay the penalty."
Chakotay groaned to himself. Spirits, he was tired of this.
"We are a peaceful people and do not wish to engage in hostile action," the captain said calmly, "is there a representative of your government with whom we can negotiate passage through this sector?"
The screen went blank.
"They've cut off communications, Captain," Harry called out, "but they're not leaving."
Tuvok intoned, "They are making no move to prepare arms, either."
Chakotay was about to say something as Kathryn met his eyes, but she tapped her comm badge and looked to the screen.
"Janeway to Martis."
He tensed and unconsciously looked at Tom's back, which had straightened. There was no response, and his eyes darted to Kathryn's as she turned around.
"Janeway to Martis," she repeated. Again there was no response.
Tom swiveled quickly.
"Captain," Chakotay jumped in, "let me go and find her. Perhaps there's something wrong with her badge."
"Very well," she said, her mouth tightening.
With one last look at Tom, telling him that all would be okay, he dashed to the lift. Once inside he asked the computer for her whereabouts. She was at home and sighing with relief he sent the lift to their deck. Then he wondered what she was doing there.
Martis sat on the bank of the stream with her knees to her chest, rested her chin on an arm and watched the water flow across the rocks. She stuck the end of a stick into the soft bed, causing ripples to form as the course of the flow was altered. She moved the stick and studied the change.
Her tears, which had started again once she'd arrived, had stopped, and she hiccupped occasionally as her breathing returned to normal. She thought this would be a nice place to stay. The ground under the trees was soft and would probably be a good spot for a sleeping bag. Maybe everyone would leave her alone to do just that.
She tried to do what B'El had suggested. Just let go of how she'd been feeling recently, and hold on to what she really had with Greg. It hurt. Knowing it was the right thing to do and being able to do it was, apparently, more difficult in matters of love.
Chakotay stood in his daughter's bedroom with her comm badge in his hand.
"Janeway to Chakotay."
"Chakotay here, Captain. Martis is not. I'll keep looking."
"I'm attempting to negotiate. Janeway out."
The computer closed the link. He called the hydroponics bay, but Marla said she was alone. He called B'Elanna and her response was not at all what he wanted to hear. She would only tell him that when she'd last seen Martis, the girl was upset. B'Elanna would not elaborate, and he didn't have time to press.
He went quickly to his console and checked the holodeck usage logs. Two was being used. He recognized the program running. Once again he picked up the discarded comm badge and dashed out the door.
Getting off the lift and trotting down the corridor, the ship rocked and he almost went sprawling.
"Damn," he muttered. They were paying the penalty, whatever the hell that meant. The ship rocked again, a little harder this time, and he wavered for a moment. He was itching to be on the bridge where he belonged. Clearly it was too late for Martis to help, if she even could have, given the apparent short fuse of this race. But he also knew that if he showed up without her, he and Martis would also pay a penalty.
He entered holodeck two and called her name loudly. She didn't respond to him.
"Damn it, Martis, I don't have time for this," he said to himself.
He shut down the program and there she was. Sitting, hugging her knees to her chest, refusing to meet his eyes. There was another jolt to the hull and at that she looked at him. He walked to her and held out her badge.
"The captain's been trying to reach you."
She put the badge on.
"You are never, ever supposed to be without it," he said sternly. "You know that."
She said nothing.
"Come on then, you can explain later. We've got to get to the bridge." He took her elbow and she didn't resist, but she didn't engage with him either. In the lift, he heard a sharp hitch in her breathing. He glanced at her. She was wiping the corner of one eye and taking in a lung full of oxygen. He was doing his best to stay angry at her, but it wasn't working very well.
Standing with her hands clasped behind her back, Martis was once again trying to pretend she wasn't really there. She was not successful. The captain was lecturing her on the importance of taking responsibility for a commitment made. She wanted to scream at her, I know! But instead, as she'd been taught, she replied with "Yes, Captain."
"Martis, I need to know I can rely on you in the future."
"Yes, Captain."
The captain peered at her, and Martis met her eyes squarely, though it wasn't easy to do.
"So," the woman continued, "your holodeck rations for the remainder of the month will be forfeited."
Her heart sank. She'd been due for her weekly training in a couple of days. "If another crew member is using the holodeck, is it permissible for me to join them?"
Eyes widening, then turning to almost slits, the captain stood from behind her desk and folded her arms. "I suppose," she answered slowly, "and I'll trust that you understand the nature of your punishment enough not to ask your friends to run programs for you."
Martis' reaction to that was a flash of anger that overtook her body. That this woman would make an assumption like that about her hurt deeply. She felt her throat closing and she tried to breathe through it. "I understand," she said quietly.
"All right. Dismissed."
She turned as quickly as she could and got out of there, walking straight through and off the bridge, meeting no one's eyes, even as she saw Tayo and Da stand, turn and watch her enter the lift.
Sitting on the deck of the hydroponics bay, Martis was once again hugging her knees to her chest. She hadn't greeted Marla, but instead had walked right through the work area to one of the far stands and sank down, suddenly exhausted. She didn't even pretend to be doing anything useful, she just looked at the plants, and thought, and tried to calm down.
She missed Lon. It had been less than a year since he'd died, and sometimes to her it felt like just a few weeks. He'd been the only person on board who was just her friend, and no one else's. Not that she didn't want more for him than merely her friendship alone - still, what she'd had with him was unique. She knew that whatever she said to him, in the quiet corners of the bay, would never ever be repeated. And right then, she sorely missed that.
"Stupid Devore," she muttered. "Damned stupid Devore."
A cough brought her head up sharply. Marla said, "Can I sit for a moment?" She nodded to her, and the woman joined her on the deck. "Who're the Devore? If you don't mind me asking."
"Just some stupid, nasty race that killed my friend a while ago. Nobody worth thinking about."
Marla answered quietly, "I'm sorry they killed your friend."
She nodded again, unable to speak, then dropped her gaze to study her shoes.
"So - do you need someone to talk to? Or would you rather be left alone?"
Martis wasn't really sure what she wanted. The day to be over with would be nice. Someone besides her uncle to have feelings for would be better. The captain not thinking terrible things about her would be good, too. To not have disappointed her fathers would be something she'd like, as well. "I don't know," she replied truthfully.
"Okay... Well, in thinking back to when I was a teenager," she smiled softly, "oh, so very many years ago, I was usually upset about one thing. Boys. Love."
She could feel her eyes fill, and shut them tight to stop it. Opening them again, she breathed deeply. "I hate love," she stated, believing she meant it.
Marla sighed. "It can sure be painful, that's true. But sometimes - what I wouldn't give to feel it again. Between you and me, there are some nice-looking men on this ship whom I would love to cuddle up with..."
She was confused. "But I thought you and Noah were dating?"
"Oh, goodness," Marla said with a small laugh, "no, we're friends. He's, I don't know, like a younger brother or something. Don't get me wrong - he's a dear. Just a little young for me. And we've been through too much together. He's a friend that I'd never want to lose."
Martis shifted her perceptions about these two people who were on the periphery of her life. She didn't tell the woman what her problems were that afternoon, but she encouraged her to share stories about some of the men she'd been in love with over her lifetime. It was a very good distraction.
"What happened to you today," Da asked for the third time.
They'd finished up with dinner, and Martis had already received the lecture about responsibility, and never removing her comm badge. She very clearly picked up on the fear they'd felt when she was hiding on the holodeck. She felt quite badly about that, particularly since she could also feel the absolute love they still held for her. But there was no way she was going to tell them what had precipitated her need to be by herself.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said. For the third time. She really just wanted to be left alone, loving fathers or not.
"Martis," Da started to say.
"I don't want to talk about it!" She let her frustration show. "I understand that what I did was wrong, I understand that I'm being punished for it, I understand it all!" She stared at her hands, refusing to meet either man's eyes.
Silence descended on the dining table.
Tayo broke it. "Okay. We won't ask you again. And whether you believe it or not, we understand some things, too."
She raised her eyes and saw them glance at each other, passing some unspoken agreement between them.
Tayo continued, "Both your Da and I know that sometimes we just need to be alone. Sometimes I wish that I could be so alone that nobody would be able to reach me. The closest I come is during my quests. We also know that finding privacy on this ship is extremely difficult. So we'd like to be able to figure out some way that you can have that. If you need it. Perhaps it would just be an agreement - that if you wanted to be alone, you wouldn't take off your badge, but you would tell us. Then we'd do our best not to disturb you, unless it was an emergency. You'd know that your private time was being respected. Would you just think about that, sleep on it?"
Now she felt doubly awful. "I'll think about it," she replied quietly. "Thank you."
B'Elanna's voice interrupted. She was calling Martis, just to tell her that Ken was running the track holoprogram, in case she wanted to get in a workout. She looked to her fathers. They both nodded their permission. For the millionth time that day, tears threatened. A run sounded very, very good indeed.
Martis sat on the grass, stretched her legs to the side, grabbed her shins and slid her hands down to her ankles. She leaned forward until her face almost touched the ground in front of her, exhaling deeply, extending her hamstrings and calves and back. The sounds of other people at the track drifted around her as she focused almost solely on the muscles that were about to get a workout. She was feeling a small amount of tension leave her heart as well as her body. The track, too, was her haven, and the day was nearly behind her.
Sitting up again, she gazed toward the two men near the high bar, and smiled softly to herself. Greg was working it, Harry was simply keeping him company. Doing something on a PADD, occasionally watching the man sailing over the bar. She stretched once more, and the grass tickled her nose.
Greg had asked her if she wanted to be at the bar with him, and she'd declined. But being there, talking with him, she knew that soon things would be back to normal. The butterflies were gone. He was still an amazing man in her eyes, but the feelings she'd been struggling with were receding. Just enough, just barely enough for him to return to the special place she had in her heart for each member of her family.
She sat up and took a deep breath with her eyes closed and heard some laughter. Opening them she, too, chuckled. Harry had added a lounge chair to the holoprogram and was now reclining full out, hands behind his head, grinning widely. Yes, she thought, they were a good example of love.
She closed her eyes again and reached for the holographic sky with her hands together. Stilling her mind, thinking about the run she would soon be taking, she became aware of someone watching her. From behind. Her heart took a little skip, but she didn't turn. He was watching. Not malevolently, not even furtively. Simply looking at her. She dropped her hands and his attention moved away.
Slowly, she turned her head. Noah Lessing was doing a stretch of his own. His tall frame bent to the side, then stood straight-up. Without glancing her way again, he hopped a couple of times, then began to run the track. She watched him.
Tom was too stunned to move. His hands were frozen in place on the conn. He heard the captain's excited voice, Harry's excited voice, other bridge crew members talking amongst themselves. He finally spun in his chair and met the eyes of the man he was bound to with every fiber in his being. Chakotay's deep brown irises locked with his.
Starfleet had made contact. Had actually made contact. Somebody named Barclay had done something that Tom just couldn't remember at that moment. That was overwhelming enough. It was his own father's voice, coming through the comm system, slightly staticky but nevertheless unmistakable, that was pinning him. Churning his insides.
The captain had been almost beyond herself as she'd confirmed the contact. Then Admiral Paris had spoken, telling them that Starfleet had not forgotten them, was doing everything they could to find them and bring them home. Kathryn Janeway told the man that his son was there, at the helm, and Tom assumed she was trying to let his father know that Tom was the pilot of choice for Voyager. Then the captain had done something Tom still didn't quite understand. She'd told his father that Tom's husband, her First Officer, was also on the bridge, but that the admiral's granddaughter was not. Tom had to hand it to her, however, she'd certainly thrown a wrench in her mentor's speech pattern. His father had coughed, then managed to ask her to tell Tom that he was proud of what he'd accomplished as Voyager's Chief Pilot. That was his sole response to the news. Whatever had come after that, Tom had no clue.
He gazed at Chakotay, wanting to be off somewhere with him in the worst way. Needing something he wasn't even sure of. His husband? Why had she used that term? They weren't married. And telling the man he had a granddaughter? Tom tried to picture his father at that very moment. He wondered if his mother was being called - they had a grandchild. Yes, but they didn't know she was only half human.
Tom focused. The captain was patting him on the shoulder, and asking Chakotay to come to the ready room. She walked at least a foot off the deck of the bridge all the way there. Before following, Chakotay crossed a professional barrier. Still looking deeply into Tom's eyes, he came to him, took his hand, and bent enough to whisper in his ear.
"I love you, Tom."
It was what he needed, he realized. He nodded, released Chak's hand and watched him walk across the bridge and through the doorway. Turning back toward the front, he took a deep breath. He was loved. They would be fine. Nothing could break them. I love you, Chakotay.
Sitting on the ready room couch, Chakotay waited while Kathryn replicated them something to drink. She'd claimed she wanted to make a couple of glasses of champagne, but settled for coffee and tea instead. Handing him his, she sat, or rather perched on the edge of the settee.
"I have to confess, Chakotay, I was never really sure this day would come. I certainly prayed long enough for it, and wondered when it might, but now that it's finally happened, I'm just amazed." She took a long sip of her drink.
He was slightly confused. "It sounds as though you almost expected it somehow."
She stopped moving for a moment, then looked directly at him. "I didn't. I'd just hoped, that's all. After getting the messages two years ago, I'd hoped."
He dropped it, but he wasn't sure he totally believed her.
"They know how to contact us," she said almost to herself, "we're not alone. I'm not alone..."
A strong reaction moved through him, and he took a cleansing breath to calm himself.
"What," she asked.
"I told you years ago that you were not alone, that we were in this together," he said quietly. "Though after the past few months, I'm not surprised that's how you're feeling. Somehow, I'd held out my own hope." Anger started to return. "You'd actually let us all off the hook, and want to be a team again." He took a swig of tea, just to give him something to do rather than shoot his mouth off further.
She was quiet. "I know you said that. I remember. What hook?"
"You're really willing to hear me out? Now?" He began to harbor more hope that she would be, with the bloom shining on the Starfleet rose of her heart. She was open, and optimistic. Maybe she'd be able to hear him.
"Yes, I'm always willing," she stated.
He ignored the obvious comment. "The hook of the Equinox. Ransome's legacy that we're still living with. Your mistrust of me. Your denial of the former crew's well being. Your treatment of them."
She snorted.
"Let me ask you this," he continued, "I'm assuming that you're going to fight for the Maquis when you communicate with Command - that you'll go to the mat just like you've always promised. To see that we're given recognition for all the work that we've done, as one crew." She nodded. "Are you going to do the same for the crew of the Equinox? People who were only following the orders of their commanding officer? Or are you going to let them rot here on Voyager until they're stripped of their dignity and kicked out of Starfleet as we arrive home, victorious?" He tried to breathe.
"What they did," she started, her eyes blazing. She suddenly stopped.
"What they did," he continued for her, "was try to survive. They crossed the line. Just like you did, and we both know it. Let's be honest for once. Please."
"What are you wanting from me? An apology? I apologized to you."
He sighed deeply and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "All I want, Kathryn, is for you to let me do my job with the Equinox people. Let me give them real work to do, commensurate with their abilities. Let me tell you how Noah Lessing is doing, let me hear that you care. These people need to feel like they belong. Look what happened in the hydroponics bay over the past month. An excellent engineer did her job and we now reap the benefits..."
She interrupted him. "That wasn't entirely Marla Gilmore. It was Martis' idea."
"Martis had very little to do with it. She expressed a need. It was Marla's design - and it was Noah's brain behind the science of it."
Her eyes got wide. "His name was never on the project!"
Chakotay decided to go for broke. "You're correct. Want to know why? Because I knew that if he was mentioned as participating, you'd never agree to the expenditure of resources. I authorized his coming in on it. I gave the okay to take him off the menial jobs that you'd allowed him to do. I let him help us - and Kathryn - he was the one who reworked the scientific parameters and reworked them and reworked them. He was like a dog with a bone - and he finally found the right combination of all factors."
She stared into her coffee, and he could see her chest heaving. She took another swallow, still refusing to look him in the eye. Another swallow of coffee went down her throat, and a minute later, another. Finally, she raised her head. "How is he doing?"
He breathed long and hard, and said quietly, "He's better, but he still has occasional nightmares. I've done all I know how to do for him, but we still meet every week. I think he needs the contact - with a superior officer. He needs to know he's part of the whole. He's a good man, Kathryn - he tried to stop Ransome but he just couldn't do it. And now the man haunts his sleep."
"And do I?" She asked softly.
"Yes, you do. Sometimes. He believes he will never be able to redeem himself, and he's still afraid of you. That's a potent combination."
She sighed deeply. "Ransome sometimes haunts me, too."
"I'm not surprised."
"But you are surprised that things are still ... like they were..."
"I haven't denied it." He put his cup down. "I'm just very ready for things to be different. Starfleet is going to be asking you for all sorts of information, logs, crew manifests, reports on the dreaded Maquis criminals - and I know that your mind is already beginning to compile them. I'm hoping that they'll see that we've been able to put together an outstanding crew, from a slightly haphazard group of people stranded together in the hell of the Delta Quadrant."
She also put her cup down and buried her face in her hands for a moment. "It appears that I owe you another apology," she said, meeting his eyes again. "Let's set aside some time tomorrow to go over the Equinox people in detail. We'll find the right jobs for them."
Just like that, he thought. One of the many reasons why Kathryn continued to regain his respect, whenever she lost it. He thanked the Spirits.
"Did you know," she said, "that Noah Lessing was in the top ten percentile of his graduating class?"
He smiled gently. "Did you know that if you ask him about it, he'll say it's just a matter of genetics? That if you ask him to expound on that, he'll go on about genetic theory for a good twenty minutes?"
She shook her head, also smiling now. "Do you think he might be willing to tell me how he derived the exact formula for fooling our plants? I'd be interested."
"You're the captain. Of course he would."
Nodding, she acknowledged her responsibility, and Chakotay could see that she finally understood. She placed a hand on his arm. "Then, after that, perhaps he might talk to me as one Science Officer to another."
"That he might," he agreed.
The door to the hydroponics bay opened and standing next to her, Marla met Martis' eyes. The older woman winked. Smiling, Martis went back to the work table and watched as the man of their small hour entered. He really didn't know what was in store and she could see that the woman she worked with was getting quite a charge out of that. Martis picked up some shears and walked further away to prune, leaving them to it.
Noah approached his friend, and Marla took his hand and led him inside their version of an old Earth greenhouse. The walls were opaque, and there were different rooms for different crops. It was the room in the back that he was being taken to, and Martis could hear Marla's voice float out through the open door. Then she heard Noah's soft laugh, and she smiled. The onions were just starting to set seeds. It had only been a few weeks. They still had some time to go before the seeds would be ready to be planted, but that hardly mattered. Noah's magic elixir, as Martis called it only to herself - a combination of hormones, vitamins, minerals, air temperature, and light spectrum - was working.
She cut a dead purple flower off a plant on the bottom row. A plant that continued to be healthy and strong now that its roots were kept warm. She looked across the bay to the small building. What do you think of that, Lon? Momma? Even without listening, she knew they thought it was pretty remarkable.
Tom rolled on top of Chakotay, kissing him fervently, deeply, then more slowly, and intensely. He wanted to forget the very significant event that had transpired on the bridge that afternoon. He didn't seem able to accomplish that, however. Stopping the kisses, he raised his head enough to look at his lover directly.
"Your father?" Chakotay asked quietly.
He nodded. "Who else."
"I have something different to think about, if you'd like."
"Okay - what." Tom propped his head in his hand.
"Why in the world did the captain call me your husband, in front of the admiral?" Chakotay's hands continued to travel up and down Tom's back, over his ass, and his body reacted involuntarily with a slight thrust of his hips.
"Why didn't you ask her that?" he said.
"I forgot in the thrill of the moment. Getting her to change her mind about anything is a little distracting," teased Chakotay.
He laughed, and it felt good to do it. "Well, I have no idea why she said that. Unless she thinks my father is going to be more accepting if we're legal or something..."
"Would he be?"
"Can't imagine it. Maybe. Who can tell what the hell would ever change his mind, and who says I care to change it?"
Chakotay's hands stilled and his voice dropped. "So you don't think it's a good idea that we get married."
Tom was tempted to turn the lights up as he tried to see deeply into Chakotay's eyes. "I don't know what I think about it any more. It's never seemed necessary - for us. You know that."
Chakotay nodded. After a moment, he said, "Martis might like it."
Tom's heart stopped. He touched his lover's bronze, open face, suffused with raw emotion. "Would you like it?" he said softly.
"Sometimes I think I would. This is one of them. I will protect you until my dying day, Tom, I have absolutely no doubt of that. But every once in a while I want the security of total permanence, supported by law, too."
"I'll protect you, too, Chak, with my life," he almost whispered. A lump was forming in his throat. To stop it, he dipped his head and took Chakotay's mouth in a slow, deep kiss. He pulled away. "We'll talk about it, okay? I don't want to make any decision as a reaction to him. Never again, in this lifetime, will I let him do that to me."
"Fair enough." Chakotay's brown eyes were soft. Tom closed his as the man pulled them back together, thrusting his tongue into Tom's mouth, taking him far away from a gray haired admiral in the Alpha Quadrant. Tom went willingly.