Tom looked at the PADD lying on the couch next to him. It was just a PADD. Innocent, devoid of any emotion or response. He snorted and turned it over on its face. When that didn't work he covered it with one of the throw pillows. He sighed loudly in the quiet cabin and let his head fall back as he slouched even further, stretching his legs out.
"Fuck," he muttered.
He lifted the second PADD, the one in his hand, and looked at the surface. He'd written exactly three words. Dear Mom and.
"Bastard," he muttered again.
It had been a month since Starfleet had first made contact, and the crew had just received their first batch of communications. Most of the crew, that is. A large percentage of the former Maquis got nothing. And not surprisingly, Tom had received one from his father, as well as a separate one from his mother. The perks of being an admiral's wife, he supposed.
His father's message was brief, but it's very brevity was a condemnation. Good job on the professional front, what is all this about a daughter. No mention of Chakotay. His mother's was better, as he would have expected. She wanted to know all about the child, and snuck in a covert reference to his 'other' private life. She was glad to hear he was settled and apparently happy. Tom could only imagine the argument that had ensued in the Paris household over his mother's intended message, and allowed himself a grin over the picture in his mind of her winning it.
So now he had twenty-four hours to answer, if he were to so choose. He'd rather be spaced.
Harry sat on the bed with a PADD resting on his knee. He'd deliberately chosen to sit where he and Greg slept, and made love, and wrangled, and laughed, and worked even. Wondering if there was something a little sick about the choice, he looked toward their living area. He shook his head and stayed put.
He was going to have to write to his parents and tell them everything. He really could not keep up some sort of charade until he, hopefully, arrived home with Greg at his side. The captain had authorized a little extra space for him, in case he wanted to send a wedding image along with his communication. There was a list of couples now on board and each would get the same privilege in the coming months, but as he was a senior staff member, he was at the top of it. Chakotay and Tom were actually ahead of him, but said they'd pass.
There was one other motivating factor to tell the truth, in Harry's mind, and it was major. Greg had, again, received no word about or from his family. The man was almost beside himself, and Harry's heart was breaking for him. Their only contacts in the Alpha Quadrant were Harry's parents. Maybe they could find Greg's ex-wife, his children, his parents. It was Harry's hope, anyway.
He took a deep breath and began.
Dear Father and Mother...
Martis curled up on one of the mess hall couches after listening to Neelix's little pep talk about the task in front of her. She'd decided to leave her cabin, as Da was upset and obviously needing some private time of his own to write his letter. She didn't feel like staying in her room, but rather wanted the sounds of the crew eating and talking to surround her. This ship was her home, and right then she wanted to remember that.
She'd taken a walk before coming there, in the old holoprogram Harry had given her for her second birthday. Walking up and down the streets of Nob Hill, she again thought San Francisco was quite a beautiful city. Her Da had grown up in a nice place. The house where her grandparents lived looked lovely. She'd wondered if she'd ever see the real thing, and figured she wouldn't. She only had another sixteen or so years to live. The odds were against her.
She opened the PADD. Feeling an itch on her toe, she slipped off one of her shoes to scratch, but didn't put it back on. Likely against regs, but she didn't care. She glanced up and Neelix met her eyes from across the mess. He smiled. She did, too, then looked back down at the message she'd received from her grandmother. Since the woman hadn't known her name, she'd just attached something onto Da's. A note. Asking Martis to write, all about herself. She sighed.
Dear Grandmother,
My name is Martis. I am part Ocampan and part Human. I have blue eyes and blond hair like both my parents. I know you probably think I am young, but I'm not...
She went on to give all of the rest of her vital statistics, her present 'age' of seventeen human years, four real ones, that she lived with Da and Tayo, that she really was biologically their grandchild and that she had a third father in Neelix. She told her about her mother and a little about Ocampa. What else described her?
I have two official duty assignments, but I'm not in Starfleet. I work with the plants in the hydroponics bay and I
Martis stopped writing. Should she tell her that she was telepathic? She wasn't sure it was something she wanted her grandparents to know. Not right away. She was getting the very distinct feeling that these older people might not be very happy with the fact of her existence. Nothing concrete was said to her, but the emotions in her cabin were high indeed over the contact with the Alpha Quadrant and the senior Paris'.
As she was deciding, absently staring at the PADD, her heart skipped. Without lifting her head, she was aware he'd come into the mess hall and had seen her. Within ten seconds, he was sitting across from her on the empty couch. She raised her eyes, and met his, and her heart started to jump around inside of her chest.
"Hi," said Noah Lessing, smiling softly. He had PADD of his own.
"Hi," she answered, hoping her own smile looked normal.
He pointed to her PADD. "Are you writing a letter, too? Seems like everyone's got one of these with them today."
She nodded. "I'm writing to my grandmother. Trying to introduce myself to her, you know, she's, um, asked about me."
"Your grandmother? Lieutenant Paris' mom? Or the commander's? I don't mean to pry..."
"No, I don't mind," she said quickly. Likely too quickly, she thought. She pulled on the edge of her jumper. "Mrs. Paris. The commander's mother is dead."
"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't know." He bent his head and appeared to be thinking.
"It's okay, not many do. So I'm writing to the only grandmother I've got." She chuckled self-consciously. "I sound kind of pathetic, don't I? Who are you writing to?"
He looked at her again, and she could feel that he was about to say something, but then changed his mind. Instead, he answered, "My parents, and my siblings. They sent a joint communication. I'm trying to figure out what to say to them. I thought it would be easy, but it's not, actually."
"I know," she answered quietly. "But at least you've heard from them, and that must be wonderful."
"It is." His gaze increased in intensity. "So - you're having a hard time introducing yourself? Why?"
"Oh, I just... I'm not sure how much to tell her, what exactly to tell her. And a part of me thinks it's all sort of silly anyway, since I'll probably never meet her. Or my grandfather. But Da and Tayo both want me to do it, so I will."
He looked slightly confused. "Why are you so sure you'll never meet them?"
"Well, from everything I understand, this ship isn't going to get back to the Alpha Quadrant before the end of my lifetime." Without thinking it through, she'd opened the door, so she decided to keep going and added, "I'll only live to about twenty years old. I'm already over four." She shrugged.
His face went blank. Her heart started to thud, and as she was trying to think of something to say, the captain called her to the bridge. She told her she'd be right there. Noah was still looking at her, but she could barely meet his eyes. She stood up quickly, then realized that she was without one shoe and, embarrassed, she tried to slip it back on.
"Good luck with your letter," she said, and walked out before he could respond. Heading for the turbolift, she chided herself for acting so stupidly. Why had she said so much to him? She knew that she'd shocked him. And clearly, he'd never go out with her if she asked. Who would?
Noah watched Martis hurriedly leave, and it wasn't until she was out the door that he snapped out of his stupor. Then he almost hit himself over the head with his PADD. How could he have acted like such an idiot?
"Way to go," he muttered to himself.
He'd just never realized that her life expectancy was so short. Clearly, he should have, and perhaps he'd even been told that by Marla. But his fantasies didn't correlate with an end point of sixteen years. That just didn't jibe. He focused, and that's when he saw her PADD on the opposite couch. He leaned forward and picked it up, shutting it off before seeing any of the words.
Neelix's voice interrupted the quiet. "Is that Martis'?"
He looked up. "Yes, I believe so." He handed the PADD to the Talaxian. "I'll just leave it with you, if that's okay."
Neelix took it, and after a moment, shrugged his assent. Noah stood up, said his good-byes, and left quickly. He headed straight for his cabin and once there, flopped down on the bed and tried to slow his pounding heart. He growled loudly in frustration.
Neelix walked slowly back to the counter and put the PADD on the ledge below. He leaned back against the surface and crossed his arms. He tried to figure out what to do for these two people, one of whom he'd gladly lay down his life for. Sighing, he returned to cleaning up his kitchen. For the first time in a very long time, he yearned for Kes' guidance.
About thirty minutes later, Martis came in, looking for her lost property. He waved her over and handed it to her.
"Noah found it," he said, unsurprised to see the very slight blush appear on her cheeks.
"Oh." She studied the PADD, as though there was something fascinating on the empty interface.
"Martis - are you disappointed he didn't return it himself?" Neelix thought he'd try the direct approach.
She shook her head, finally meeting his eyes, saying quietly, "I didn't expect it. He's not going to go out of his way for me. But thank you, for keeping this. Do you think I should tell her that I'm telepathic - right away?"
"I think you should trust your instincts about your grandmother. Your dad has always said she's a good person. And - don't give up on Noah."
She shrugged. "I'd better go and finish up this letter. I'd like to be done with it."
"Okay. I love you, honey," he said, wishing she were still a child with hurts more easily comforted away in a rocking chair.
Unexpectedly, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. He patted her on the back, slightly amazed that she seemed just a little bit taller than the last time he'd held her. She had long since passed her mother in stature. She kissed him on the cheek before letting him go, and once again curled up at the end of the couch, writing to a woman whose genes she carried.
The door to their quarters opened and Harry grinned to himself. Perfect timing. He was almost finished with his letter, and as difficult as it had been to write, now that the hard part was done he felt pretty good. Light. Even sort of floating.
Greg sat down next to him, saying 'hi', pulling on his arm, and patting the mattress between his own legs. Harry moved without hesitating to sit there, and as he sank back against Greg's broad chest and felt warm lips nuzzle his ear he sighed aloud. Damn, he thought, I am one lucky man.
"So," Greg murmured, "you finished?"
"Almost," he answered, handing him the PADD, "here, take a look."
"I don't need to read it, Har, it's private." Greg tried to give it back.
"No, really, I want you to. Please." He made his hands useful in other ways, stroking the long legs hugging his.
"Okay," the man relented. He cleared his throat. "Dear Father and Mother. It is difficult to put into words how much your two letters have meant to me - to know that you are both fine, and missing me, and making offerings on my behalf is wonderful. I'm so very grateful that you now know that I'm fine, too. And I am fine, I'm really doing very well. Yes, I still play - I saved my rations and made myself a clarinet and I play regularly. I'm even in a little combo. But there is something more important I have to share with you. I'm married, almost two years now. I married a man named Gregory Ayala. I'm homosexual. I'm so, so sorry I never told you, and I'm sorry I'm telling you like this, and not face to face, but I had to tell you the truth. I couldn't keep lying to you. There's a secondary reason I'm telling you - but before I get to that - please know that I am so incredibly happy I almost can't believe it. I've never felt like this before in my entire life. Greg is an extraordinary man and I love him more than I can possibly describe."
Greg put an arm around Harry's chest and squeezed, then kissed the side of his neck.
"It's the truth, Greg," he said quietly. "Keep reading."
Greg sighed. "An extraordinary man and I love him. Had to repeat that, Harry... Okay. He is a field commissioned lieutenant because he was one of the Maquis. And it's also because of that fact that I'm telling you the truth. I need your help, Father, and yours, Mother. Starfleet is not doing much to find the former Maquis' families. Greg has two sons and has not heard one word about them since he left for the Badlands almost seven years ago. Please - will you help us find them?" Greg's voice got very soft. "He needs to know they're all right, he needs them to know that he's alive. Please." It cracked on the last word, and Harry could feel the catch in the man's breathing.
"They'll help us. It's worth a try," he said, reaching up behind him to the back of Greg's head. "I just need to give them the details..."
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to do this?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise."
Greg rested his face against Harry's hair and they stayed that way for a few minutes. Eventually, Greg sniffed, and cleared his throat again, and wiped his eyes. "Let me write to them about the rest - I get to send a letter, I might as well put it to good use. I can reassure them that my intentions are honorable where you are concerned, too. Okay?"
Harry took his left hand and slipped it into Greg's. The two silver bands were exactly the same. He nodded and smiled.
"Good, let me up then - I'm going to go find a PADD..."
"No, stay, I've got an extra one," he said, sliding off the bed and going to the desk. When he returned, Greg was staring at the letter. He raised his eyes, and Harry let himself be drawn into the deep, dark, abyss that was his husband. He would do anything for this man, anything at all, and he knew that in every corner of his heart.
"I love you, Harry," said Greg, in the voice that only Harry got to hear. The soft, quiet, intense, totally loving voice. Devoid of pride, and artifice.
He traded PADDs with him. "I love you, too."
The man of his dreams smiled fully and they got resettled on the
bed. Harry on his stomach, while he finished his letter, Greg on his back
while he wrote his. Harry glanced at him, concentrating so deeply, and thought
that he couldn't be feeling any better. The relief of speaking the truth
to his parents, the joy he'd brought to his lover both filled his soul.
Life was good.
Greg reread what he'd written. Dear Mr. and Mrs. Kim, I wish that I could meet you in person and hopefully some day I will. Harry has spoken of you enough that I know how much he loves you and misses you. Before you decide whether or not to help me, please believe one thing. I love your son. I have vowed before our friends and family to honor him, protect him, and stay faithful at his side until I die and I meant every word of that vow. I take my oaths seriously. It's true I was married before, but my ex-wife, Alicia, and I admitted our mistake and have remained close friends and parents to our children. And if you do help me, don't worry about Alicia's reaction to meeting you - she knows all about me and I'm certain she'll actually be glad to hear I've settled down and found someone. She will probably ask you a million questions about Harry so that she can try to know him. My sons, Bernardo and Estevan, will feel the same way, too. My family fled Vega at the beginning of the war and went to live with some relatives on Earth, in Barcelona, old Spain. Alicia kept the surname Ayala to make it simple for the boys, but as I was in the Maquis, she also kept a very low profile, claiming she was a widow. She may have remarried by now, she was seeing someone whose surname I can't remember, but whose first name was Tomas. I have some cousins they were living with, John and Sophia, also Ayala. Sophia's surname was Bustamonte, and her parents were in Pamplona. Her father's name is Louis, her mother's name is Mary. My cousin John will know where my sons are if you can't find them. Sophia's father was a prominent doctor, so he would be easy to track down if John is gone. If you decide to help, and actually talk to my sons, please tell them that I love them, and miss them, and think about them every day. They are forever in my heart. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Kim. It's not enough, but it's all I can give you. Yours sincerely, Lt. Gregory Ayala
Greg considered the closing again, and decided to delete the lieutenant. It was irrelevant. Not normally a religious or spiritual man, he nevertheless sent up a prayer as he hit the 'save' interface. He closed his eyes and considered something else. The blessing in his life named Harry Kim.
Tom had just finished his letter when the door to the cabin opened. A broadly smiling Chakotay approached him, and Tom begrudgingly allowed the man his good mood. Why he had it was a mystery, however. His lover sat next to him, still smiling.
"So, did you finish?" asked Chakotay.
"Yeah, I did," Tom answered slowly. "I told him to go fuck himself." He pointed to the PADD in the other man's hand. "What about you?"
"Before we get to that, what did you really say?"
Tom sighed. "I wrote to them both and told them about Martis, told them how much I was enjoying the piloting out here, and then went on and on about how lucky I was that you were a part of my life. So, like I said, I told him to go fuck himself."
Chakotay patted his knee. "Sounds good, especially the part about how lucky you are."
"I am."
"Me, too. Want to read what I'm sending?" He handed over his PADD.
Tom took it. "Dear Mom and Dad? You're saying that? You can't be serious..."
"Keep reading, Tom." Chakotay leaned on the back of the couch, grinning.
"Okay - dear Mom and Dad, there's never been a time in my life when I've had the opportunity to say to the parents of someone I love as deeply as I love your son how grateful I am that you brought him into the world. He fills each and every part of my soul - and he's so incredibly great in bed, too. I have never been so satisfied. Looking forward to meeting you someday, your son-in-law, Chakotay. You have got to be kidding!" Tom was staring into the shining brown eyes of a man about to start laughing in earnest. "You are kidding, aren't you."
"Don't you think they'd like that one? Think it'll make it past the Starfleet censors? Hmm? Should I add anything to it - like how much the smell of your neck drives me wild?"
Tom started to laugh, picturing his father reading this, or having an ensign from Command communications hand it to him. "You're insane, Chak," he said as he calmed down.
"Maybe - but it felt good. Now scroll down - that's what I'm really sending."
Tom did. "To Admiral Owen Paris, from Commander Chakotay, etc etc., sir - in response to the communication forwarded to me by Captain Janeway regarding your son and his relationship with me, I hereby notify you that I am disobeying your order. As this order was made on an entirely personal matter, having no bearing on my service to Starfleet, either before I left, or since receiving my field commission here on Voyager, I will endeavor to keep the contents of the order strictly between the two of us. Nothing more will be said on the subject by me, and I will place my trust in you, as Tom's father, that you will say nothing more on the subject, either. I have no intention of ever leaving Tom's side, nor our daughter, Martis'. If, in some future communication, you wish to ask me why, I would be more than happy to enlighten you. Please extend my best wishes to your wife. Sincerely, Chakotay of Dorvan V." He looked at Chakotay. "You're really going to send it?"
"Absolutely. No reason not to. Officially, I'm putting him on notice. Very nicely, of course. If he tries it again, I'll keep record, and then let his peers know that he's attempting to use the power of his authority to dictate a subordinate's personal life. I believe that's against regulations, though I haven't taken the time to find out which one. I'm sure Tuvok would know, if I ask."
"I think this is one of the reasons why I love you," Tom said, feeling lighter of heart than he had been in a full day at least. "However, I really like the first one, too, and I think I might just forward that one along as well," he teased.
Chakotay laughed. "I think your father would very definitely shit, then, Tom."
"He would, and that's why I'm sending it," he continued seriously. "It'll do him some good, though I have to embellish it a bit..." He scrolled back up to the top and started to add some words.
Chakotay made a grab for the PADD, but Tom whipped his hand high, out of the man's reach. "No, no, no, I've got work to do on this, you can't have it back."
"Tom, give me my PADD." His voice had dropped.
"No, I'm not done with it."
"Tom. Give it to me." The commander started to creep into the room.
"No!" Tom said, jumping up from the couch. Chakotay followed and Tom ran into the bedroom, laughing, hearing the man's normally soft and velvety voice booming at him. He loved teasing him, loved to see him lose his composure in all kinds of ways, as long as it was behind their closed doors. Chakotay made another grab, but this was for Tom's waist, and as he tried to wriggle out of the grasp, they fell on the bed, hard. Tom kept his hand above his head, but looking up, seeing the determination on his lover's face to get the elusive PADD, starting to climb up Tom's body, he made a grab himself. He wrapped his legs around Chakotay's hips and held on as tightly as he could.
Chakotay started to laugh, too, but kept trying to get the PADD. Then the man on top stopped moving and locked eyes with him. Tom's heart, which was beating heavily, skipped. Dark eyes had turned smoldering and Tom was willing those sweet lips to descend on his; he felt his groin stirring to life. But instead, without warning, Chakotay dug his finger tips into Tom's armpits, and Tom screamed, and they both started to laugh loudly.
"Hold it!" A familiar voice said from the doorway of their bedroom. "Don't move!"
Tom turned his head but he only caught a glimpse of his daughter racing away. Within the time it took both of them to register her comment, she was back with the imager in front of her face, taking shots of them. "No, Martis," he called out. But Chakotay was not letting him up, rather he was posing as the victor. "I am going to get you for this, Chak," he said, trying not to laugh even more. It didn't work, she just kept taking images. "You know what she can do with these, don't you," he tried, "she can use these to get all kinds of privileges from us..."
"That's right, you two," she said lightly from behind the machine. "Just imagine what the crew would think if they saw this..."
Chakotay met his eyes and Tom nodded. "Let's get her," the man said, jumping off him.
Martis ran and Tom scrambled off the bed, following his lover, through the living area, and out the door to the corridor. All three of them were laughing hard, as Chakotay caught her against a far wall, wrapping his strong arms around her waist while Tom took the offending imager out of her hands.
Just then the turbolift doors opened, and Captain Janeway walked off, stopping short at the sight. Her eyes widened. She approached.
Tom was trying to stop his laughter, but was having some difficulty. Chakotay did better, but was still holding on to Martis. She was failing miserably, but had the presence of mind to cover her mouth as she giggled.
"I apologize, Captain," her First Officer began, breathing hard, but the woman held up her hand to silence him.
A grin began to play on her mouth. "Is there some problem I can help with?"
No one answered that one.
Tom held up the imager. "I think we've managed to take care of it, thank you."
Now he could see a very definite gleam in her eyes. "I see. That is Martis' imager, is it not? I take it she has something on there that her fathers' would rather see erased?"
"Yes, ma'am," Martis answered proudly.
The captain grinned outright. "Well, then. Anytime you'd like to share that, Martis, you know where to find me. Good evening, everyone." Still grinning, she turned and went to her cabin.
Tom looked at his daughter, who was now laughing out loud again. "You - if you show anything to her, I'll... I'll... I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pretty."
Chakotay let go of her. "Well, I've got a PADD to find," he said over his shoulder as he took off for their cabin door.
"Hey!" Tom called after him.
Martis grabbed the imager out of his hands and followed, grinning at him. "I've got some images to upload," she teased.
"Hey!" Tom repeated. The door to their home swooshed shut. He stood in the corridor, with his hands on his hips, contemplating how quickly he'd jump his lover's bones once their wayward daughter went to bed.
Chakotay rested his elbows on the desk and his chin on clasped hands. He asked the man sitting on the other side, "And how was your meeting with the captain yesterday?"
Noah wiped his palms on his knees. "It was fine, actually. Better than the last one, to be honest with you. At least I didn't feel like running out of the ready room every five minutes. She wanted to discuss my father's research. I appreciate the effort she's making."
He smiled. "Good. Progress, from what you're saying. But - I get the impression there's something more serious bothering you. Did you want to talk to me about it?"
The man hesitated for a long moment. "I don't think I can. It would be inappropriate."
Confused, he tried to clarify what Noah meant.
"It just would be, it's personal - not that that's an inappropriate thing to talk to you about, sir, I just... It would be, that's all." Again, Noah was quiet for a moment. "However, I think I'd like to ask you a general question about what's on my mind, without going into specifics, if that would be all right."
"Of course." He was still trying to figure out why the true topic could not be broached.
"Well - have you ever wanted something, more than you've ever wanted anything else? And you believed that if you were given it, you'd have it for the rest of your life. Then you find out that you'd only have it for a portion of your life, a relatively short portion, and still it seems as though it would be something truly wonderful. Would you still try and get it? Knowing it would only be temporary?" Again, Noah rubbed his knees.
"So this thing , still seeming wonderful, would be only temporarily part of your life, rather than being the long term thing you've dreamed of." Noah nodded. "For me, Noah, that's an easy question to answer. Yes, I would still try and get it. If it was something that I believed would bring me something that wonderful, there'd be no reason for me to stop myself. But I believe that we should all be grateful for the day to day existence we're granted. Life on board this ship here has only confirmed that for me. We live a tentative existence here in the DQ, at best."
"But the thought of losing it - it's very difficult to imagine coping with that," said Noah quietly.
Chakotay got 'it' with a blinding flash. He hadn't been that immune to her continual, albeit casual, comments about this man, nor the stares in her direction he'd caught across the mess hall. He sighed deeply, trying to think of a way to say something without influencing him too strongly. "Noah, if you're talking about matters of the heart, I can really only say one thing. I've had the experience of losing the person I loved and it hurt like hell. I was given another chance. I lost him again, then found him again. Take what you can. Cherish it. We may all die tomorrow." I think she would love you, too.
Noah nodded, and Chakotay wasn't sure the man believed him. He sighed again.
A meter away from the cushioning of the high bar, Martis rested her hands on her knees, catching her breath. B'Elanna came up close to her, so they wouldn't be overheard.
"So what exactly happened? I'm missing something," B'Elanna said quietly.
Martis straightened and ran a hand through her cropped hair. "I told him about my life span - I don't think he knew that - he freaked." She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess he doesn't want to take a chance with someone who'll only be around for sixteen years. Can't say that I blame him." She deliberately did not look over her shoulder, to the other side of the track, where Noah was talking with Ken, but she saw B'Elanna's eyes travel to that exact spot.
The woman huffed. "Well, are you going to ask him out anyway, and find out at least?" She met Martis' eyes again.
"I don't see the point. To any of it." And she didn't.
"I don't know, Ken," Noah said in slight frustration.
"Why the hell not? What are you waiting for?"
"I'm waiting to know that I'm sure. And I'm not." He didn't know how to explain it. With everything he'd been through over the past couple of years, he knew only one thing. He craved stability, and security. Permanence. He was finding it on Voyager. He had been given a fresh start. He simply didn't know if he could handle really letting himself love her, then losing her. Knowing he'd lose her.
Ken poked him in the side. "Well, you'd better figure it out fast. There goes Gerron. He told me he was planning on asking her out."
His eyes shot to the high bar area. "That doesn't mean she'll accept," he stated.
"She very well might."
Noah watched Gerron approaching the high bar area, and without thinking, he took off, pretending to run a lap of the track, keeping an eye on Martis all the while. He was almost there. Gerron was talking to her. She smiled. He heard the words floating toward him as he slowed down.
"That sounds nice, I'd love to," she said to the man.
He almost stopped entirely, unsure of what to do. He wanted to pound Gerron into the dirt, grab Martis, and kiss her senseless, in front of everyone. His head was suddenly throbbing and he raced past them, running until he couldn't get air into his lungs, collapsing on the grass somewhere as far away from the high bar as possible.
Martis both felt and saw Noah fly by them. She tried to keep her attention on the man who had just asked her so sweetly for a date, her first date, but it wasn't easy. Then Gerron told her he didn't want to keep her from her workout, he'd see her the following evening, and was gone. She closed her eyes briefly. Noah was on the far side of the track again, that's all she knew.
"Why did you say yes?" B'Elanna's whisper brought her back.
"Why shouldn't I? He's nice. Remember - beautiful eyes?"
"You don't feel anything for him, you told me yourself."
"So? At least he asked me. I'm going on my first date. Isn't that great?"
She was well aware that her lack of overt enthusiasm was evident, but she was too tired to care.
B'Elanna put and arm around her shoulders. "Yeah, honey, it's great." She didn't hide it either.
"Noah?" Tom said. "Hmm. I'm not surprised. I'll kill him, of course, but I'm not surprised."
Chakotay laughed. "Tom, my love, if you kill off every one of her suitors, she'll die a very unhappy woman." He ran his fingers through what there was of Tom's soft hair, as the man's head was resting on his thigh. He looked down and Tom looked back.
"I suppose you're right," Tom answered sarcastically. Then he got serious. "I guess the inevitable is about to happen, isn't it, Chak?"
"Yes, it is. She's going to fall in love and then start a family of her own. Noah would be a good match for her. He's a survivor, and he's a lot stronger than he gives himself credit for. And he comes from a close-knit family, so his role models are probably good ones. That's all I can say. But I'd support the two of them, without reservation."
"Do you think he loves her?"
Chakotay knew exactly what he was asking for. "Yes, I think he does. They don't know each other well, yet, but I think he has very strong feelings for her. And clearly, she has some for him, too."
"Yeah."
"She'll be fine, Tom. So will we."
Tom put the work he was doing on his chest and studied his hands. "Maybe we should continue our own marriage discussion."
Chakotay's heart started to thud quietly. "Oh?"
"You know, we never seem to come to a real resolution about it, or at least, I never seem to come to one."
"And why are you wanting to talk about it now?"
"Not sure. I know the family's about to change, we'll be on our own again..."
"Tom - she hasn't even gone on her first date yet."
"I know, but..."
"We need to do it because it's right for us, not because either of us is afraid we might lose the other. We know what our commitment is."
Tom sat up and turned to face him on the couch. "Now it sounds like you're the one who isn't that keen on the idea. What happened?"
He picked up Tom's hand in his and laced their fingers together. "I haven't changed. I would like to be legal. I'm just trying to take the pressure off you, that's all."
"You don't have to do that! I want you to want to marry me!" Blue eyes simmered at his.
Not able to contain himself, he chuckled. "Okay - Thomas Eugene Paris, I would be most honored if you would accept my proposal of marriage. Right here and now."
"Be serious, Chakotay."
He leaned forward and stared deeply into Tom's eyes. He said quietly, "I am most undoubtedly serious, Tom. There is a proposal of marriage on the table. What's your answer?"
"Yes," answered the love of his life, just as quietly.
Chakotay's heart stopped. Tom's eyes were so soft, and full of yearning, almost pleading for acceptance. He let go of him, and took his head in both hands.
"Thank you, Tom."
He brought their mouths together, kissing him, pouring his love into it, feeling his throat close as the reality of their decision hit. Just as he was about to pull back and tell this man all he was thinking and feeling, the door to their cabin opened. They broke apart reluctantly and turned to greet their daughter.
"Hi," she said, perching on the edge of the low table in front of them.
Tom grabbed his hand and clutched it tightly. "How did it go at the track?"
"Pretty good. I, um, have something to tell you." She paused, and they silently encouraged her. "I won't be home for dinner tomorrow night. I have a date."
Tom looked at him and smiled. "That's nice, honey," he said to her.
"With Gerron," she stated.
There was a moment's silence as Chakotay tried to digest this, and Tom's eyes once more darted to his. Tom opened his mouth. Chakotay shook his head imperceptibly. They both then turned back to her.
"Well," Chakotay said in the silence, "we hope you have a good time. We promise not to make him feel uncomfortable."
"Oh, you can't," she answered, "it's just Gerron." She stood. "I'm going to bed - good night." She leaned over and kissed them both as they said their good-nights as well.
After she'd left, they locked eyes.
" 'Just Gerron', Chak? She deserves better than that for a first date."
"Maybe she's merely trying to minimize it."
"And Noah?"
Chakotay shrugged. "No idea. I think we should hold off on our news, though. I just have a feeling we should wait a little while to tell her."
Tom nodded, and stood, taking Chakotay's hand with him. "Come on then - I'm putting you in bed so I can ravish you," he said, in a voice deep with obvious want.
He couldn't imagine anything better, as he followed his future husband into their bedroom.
In her bathroom, Martis removed her orange crystal pendant and laid it carefully on the counter. She only glanced at her reflection, afraid to look herself in the eye. She knew what she'd see, and right then it was more than she could deal with. Turning the shower on as hot as she could make it, she stepped under the stream of water and closed her eyes. She put her face to the torrent and let it rinse away her sweat. A picture of Noah, running by, as fast as she'd ever seen him move, flashed in her mind. Running down the track. Away from her. Her breath caught, her throat closed so quickly it ached, her head started to throb. She turned to the wall, let the hot water hit her shoulders, and cried.
"It's just a date, Noah," said James, sitting on the end of Noah's bed. "Just one date - no big deal."
"But he'd be a good person for her," he said.
James looked at him in disbelief. "What the hell has gotten in to you, man? What kind of crap is that - he'd be a good person for her..."
"He would - she deserves someone who won't hold back..."
He was interrupted. "You are so full of it! Now it's that you'd hold back ? I thought the problem was that you were afraid you couldn't take it, to fall in love with her, and then lose her - now it's that you won't fall in love with her? That Gerron will - and so she deserves to be with him?"
"I don't know, damn it!" And in truth, he didn't. He had never been this mixed up over another person in his entire life. At times, he figured it was a sign - he should just stay quietly in his cabin while off duty and let life go on without him.
James snorted. "You do, too. And that's the problem. This is me you're talking to - your best friend, the man who's been in hell right along side of you. I understand - believe me. You are head over heels for her, and that fucks everything up. I know you want something permanent - but if you don't at least find out if she's it, you might as well just phaser yourself!"
"But..."
"Noah! Where is the man who stared down Captain Janeway when she threatened him with death?! I swear, I'm gonna slap you!"
Noah answered quietly, "He saw the end of his life - and it scared the shit out of him."
James sighed loudly. "So even though he was spared - he's choosing virtual death instead?" The man got up and went to his own bed.
Closing his eyes, Noah saw blue eyes and short blond hair. Martis running. Martis laughing with her fathers in the mess hall. Blushing when she talked to him. Quietly working by herself amongst the plants. Jumping over the high bar with grace and determination. "We may all die tomorrow." He took a very deep breath and made a decision. He'd wait until she'd had her date with Gerron, then he'd take the bull by the horns and ask her out himself. Then he'd ask her every little detail about herself. And then he'd kiss her senseless. Smiling for the first time in days, he drifted off to sleep.
"So," said Marla in a low voice as she slid into her chair and set her tray down, "you, my dear boy, look like you've swallowed a canary."
Noah smiled. "I do?"
"Yes, you do. What happened?"
He leaned across the table. "She's going out with Gerron tonight."
She slapped him on the biceps, and hissed, "And you're happy about that? So what - you're relieved she's no longer your concern?"
"Ow," he muttered, rubbing his arm. "No - I'm just happy because once that's over with, I'm going to ask her out." He smiled again. "And maybe she'll even say yes."
Marla sat back in her chair and chuckled. "How can she say no to that smile, huh? That's all I'll say so don't even try to worm any information out of me." She leaned forward again. "I will say, however, that if the two of you really start something, I'll be more than happy to let her in on a few of the more personal facts about Noah Lessing."
He stared at her. "You mean she's never asked anything about me before?" His heart started to pound. "I thought you said..."
"Oh, goodness, Noah, you are so easy to tease!" She stopped smiling and put her finger to her mouth. "Maybe that's what I'll tell her." Then she winked and started in on her lunch.
He started to laugh quietly. She joined him.
Closing the door to her bedroom, Martis crawled across her bed. She put a pillow against the back and sat cross legged. She brought Dog into her arms, up to her face and inhaled. And relaxed for the first time since she'd woken up that morning.
So. Her first date was finished. It had gone as she'd, actually, expected it to. Gerron was a nice man, she'd always gotten along well with him, and he was pretty to look at. They'd talked, just like they were in the mess hall with their friends. They gossiped about the crew. They talked about the link with the AQ. The strange planet they'd just run across, where time moved at a different rate and the ship had taken on the meaning of a God to the inhabitants.
One thing she hadn't exactly expected was that he'd kiss her. She'd wondered if he would, but somehow, she just couldn't picture it in her mind. But he had. On the holodeck. What was the most surprising thing of all was that she'd felt nothing much from it. She thought, from what everyone had told her, that she'd have one of any number of reactions to it. Perhaps she just wasn't experienced enough. It was her first kiss, after all. She'd thought it was nice, but a little strange. It was Gerron whose lips were pressing against hers, and all she could feel at the time was the overwhelming urge to start giggling. She sighed.
There was a knock at her door and she called it open. Da was standing there.
"Hey honey, can I come in for a minute?"
She nodded, and he settled into her rocking chair, with his long legs stretched out on top of the bed, crossing his ankles. Smiling at her.
"So," he said, "I think it's time that I tell you some things. About relationships. Me to you. I know," he held up his hand, "that you've gotten all sorts of advice from everyone, me included. But what I need to tell you is a bit different. Will you hear me out?"
"Of course, Da," she answered without hesitating. She trusted him implicitly.
"Thanks. I noticed that when you came home tonight, you looked as though you'd had a good time with Gerron - until he left. Did you enjoy yourself?"
She sighed again. "It was okay. I like Gerron. I just... It was okay."
"Do you mind if I ask you - did you really want to go out with him? And I mean really, really. Like if you could have gone out with anyone on the ship, would it have been him?"
Looking down at Dog, she noticed his ear needed to be repaired. "No," she answered, meeting her father's eyes again.
"So why did you? Because he asked?" She nodded. It was his turn to sigh. "Look, honey, you don't have to do that. If someone asks, you can answer truthfully."
"But I did answer him truthfully. It really doesn't matter, Da..."
"Why doesn't it matter? What do you mean?"
"Because no one is going to want to be with me - my life span is too short," she said quickly. Then she bit her lip. Her father was studying her intently. She decided to tell him, she wanted to tell him, she wanted him to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. "I, I was planning on asking Noah out. I really like him. Then the other day, we were talking about the people we were writing to in the AQ, and I just blurted it out. That I would never meet my grandmother, because I'd never get there before the end of my life. And he..." Her throat was closing and she tried to breathe through it. "He sort of freaked. I could feel him retreating. And I don't blame him - I mean who would want to be with me..."
He interrupted her. "Whoa, wait a minute," he said softly. "Have you spoken with him? Asked him?"
"No, of course not - I couldn't do that."
He closed his eyes, saying quietly, "No, I know." After a moment, he opened them again. "Look - I know that you think that things between me and Tayo have been mostly wonderful - but the truth is, they haven't. And the way that I dealt with it, years ago, was to settle for other people. I dated a number of different people when I got on board and we got stuck. I wanted to forget that he was on this ship with me, and I thought I knew that we'd never be together again. So I settled. I don't want you to do the same thing. I should have tried to talk to him, but I didn't. Don't do what I did, Martis."
Was she doing that? She studied Dog again, rubbing his fur. Could she just come right out and ask Noah?
"Lessing to Martis Paris," came over the comm. Her heart slammed into her ribs and she looked sharply to her father.
He smiled at her. "Well. Do you want me to leave?"
She didn't, and was surprised at that. "No, please, don't go." Her hand was shaking slightly as she tapped her badge. "Martis here."
"May I come over right now and talk to you for a little while? It won't take long."
Da was smiling even more broadly. He nodded his consent.
"Sure," she answered. She didn't know what else to say. She blushed.
"Thank you. I'll be there in five minutes. Lessing out."
Five minutes? Her heart was hammering.
"Martis."
She looked at her father.
"Tayo and I will leave you two alone, okay? We'll just go for a walk or something. Don't worry," he said, getting up quickly. "You'll do fine, honey. Just fine."
Her mind was spinning. "Are you going to leave now?" She jumped off the bed, smoothing her clothes down, slipping on her shoes.
Da came right up to her and opened his arms. She fell into them, placing her forehead on his shoulder, listening to his heartbeat. He held her tightly. "Yes, we're going to leave now." He kissed her head and let her go.
"Thank you, Da. For everything."
He smiled again and left, leaving the bedroom door open. She listened to him grabbing Tayo, ordering him to get some shoes on, telling him he'd explain outside, both of them laughing as they left the cabin. She walked slowly to the living area. PADDs were on the table, along with a tea mug, and a sweater was in a heap on the couch. She thought maybe she should straighten up, but she couldn't seem to move. Two minutes? A minute?
The door chimed. She swallowed and opened the door personally. He was there, smiling softly at her, greeting her, asking if he could come inside, asking if her fathers were around, then going to the couch while she went with him, concentrating on keeping her feet moving one at a time.
Then she sort of shook herself, and asked if he wanted anything to drink, and he declined. Her throat was so dry, she almost grabbed Tayo's tea but somehow, she kept her eyes with his instead. It was hard, she tended to get a little lost in the brown.
He cleared his throat. "Will you go out with me, tomorrow night?"
He was asking her out? "You want me to go on a date with you?"
"Yes. I do. Will you do me the honor?"
Oh, Spirits. "Yes, I'd love to," she answered.
He beamed at her. "Thank you. We'll have some dinner, then would you like to go on the holodeck? I've got time available."
She realized she was beaming right back at him. "Yes, that sounds really nice. Any particular program?" In that exact moment, she knew which one she'd like.
"I thought we could talk about it, but I've a feeling you've already got one in mind."
She wasn't the least surprised. "I do. It's one that Tayo gave me. It's just a forest, but it's very pretty. I haven't seen all of it yet. I'm sort of taking my time with the exploration."
"Okay then, your forest program is where we'll go. I'd like that."
She jumped in feet first, why then, she had no idea, but it seemed right. "Noah, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"The other day - I think I shocked you when I told you about my age. I assumed that you wouldn't want to go out with me. Was I wrong?"
He was quiet, and his hands started to work together. "No, you weren't wrong. I was shocked, that's a good word for it. But - I've been doing a lot of thinking since then. And I decided that, well, you were worth the risk." He chuckled to himself. "I can't believe I'm telling you all this..."
Her throat was closing again. She closed her eyes to calm down. He was there. Right there. She was worth some risk, that she'd get clarification about the following evening.
"Are you all right?" he asked softly.
She opened her eyes and nodded. "I am very all right," she answered. "Thank you. For telling me. For asking me."
He beamed again. "You're welcome. So - it's getting late, I'd better go. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 1800 hours, would that be okay?"
"Yes," she answered, smiling herself.
He stood up and she walked him to the door, her feet knowing now how to work without concentration. He said goodnight, and then he was gone, and the door closed again, and her knees started to buckle, and she floated to her bedroom and collapsed on the bed, grinning from ear to ear.
"Well, don't worry, honey," Tom said as he cleared off the breakfast dishes. "We promise we won't give him a hard time, or make him feel at all uncomfortable." Chakotay, on his right, nodded.
"You'd better not!" Martis stared at them both. "If you do, I'll never speak to you again!"
Tom couldn't stop a grin that was breaking out across his face. He made the sign of an X on his chest. "Cross my heart."
She got up from her chair. "Why are you smiling?"
"Can't say - father's prerogative."
"Okay," she said slowly. She put her dishes in the recycler and watched her fathers out of the corner of her eye. They were winking at each other. Keeping her grin to herself, she left them, heading for her bedroom. She loved them both to pieces, but sometimes, they were very odd.
Chakotay was once again sitting behind his desk with Noah sitting in front of it. The young man had called for an unscheduled appointment right before alpha shift was starting.
"I'm sorry, Noah," he said, "I've only got about ten minutes before I have to meet with the captain."
"Well, I appreciate you seeing me like this, Commander. I'm sure you know by now that I'm taking your daughter out tonight."
Chakotay nodded to him.
"I'd like to clarify with you, sir, whether or not you see this interfering with my counseling sessions. I would still like to talk to you - of course I wouldn't talk about Martis."
"I don't think your dating would interfere, that's assuming you are planning on having more than one date?" He was fishing, and felt only a little bad about it. This was his girl, the light of his life, after all.
Noah smiled broadly. "Yes, I'm hoping to, that is."
He smiled, too. "Why don't we just play it by ear then? If either of us feels it's not working, for whatever reason, we'll talk about it. How would that be?"
"That would be fine." Noah stood and Chakotay followed.
"And Noah," he said, smiling warmly, "I don't need to remind you that I am also a ruthless Maquis renegade, do I? Or that Tom was in the Maquis as well? Or that Neelix prepares your food?" He came around the desk and reached up to clap the man on the shoulder.
Noah looked a little startled, then smiled again. "No, sir, you don't need to remind me of that. But - believe me - I have no intention of hurting her. Quite the opposite."
"Good -- just as I would expect," he answered, walking them to the door, chuckling.
The day had progressed far too slowly for Martis' tastes and at the same time, the hours had practically flown right by her. She'd spoken with Gerron, which had gone better than she'd expected. She'd helped the captain with another first contact situation, trying her hardest to concentrate for the good of the entire ship, but it had been extremely difficult. And the race had been one of those she was now calling mendacious.
She liked that word, she'd learned it reading through a dictionary of the English language. It was her effort to feel a bit more educated in the ways of her father's home planet. And as Tayo's people also spoke and wrote in English, she figured she was doing double duty. So she and the captain talked about words, and books. The older woman had been pleased by the choice of mendacious - duplicitous, deceitful, lying were all synonyms. But it was archaic, and easily deleted from the translation software. If necessary, she could say it in front of aliens with impunity. She also liked the way it rolled off her tongue.
So this evening, as she showered for the second time that day, and got dressed, and looked at herself in the mirror, she tried to think of a good word to describe how she was feeling. The best she could come up with was excited. It worked.
She heard the door chime. Her heart, which had not really calmed down all day, increased its pace. After one last look in the mirror, and a kiss to Dog's head for good luck, she went out to greet her date.
To her relief, Noah was chatting amiably with both of her fathers. She thanked the Spirits that Da was behaving himself, as he was the one who knew Noah the least. She also had to admit to herself that the man looked good. She'd been hard pressed to even remember what he'd worn the night before. Tonight he was in a light blue tunic and brown pants and she almost blushed to realize that the word coming to her mind right then was 'yummy.' She'd thank B'Elanna for that little bit of imagery tomorrow.
He turned his head and their eyes locked. He was happy to see her, he thought she looked lovely... She stopped herself with a mental shake of her head. Not even deliberately turning it on, she was able to tell what he was thinking. She found the switch, and turned it off, hoping nothing had shown on her face.
She got him out of there, gently, and when he tried to steer them toward the mess hall, she asked him to come with her instead. To somewhere she'd been thinking about for the past few hours. A private place. She had something she needed to do, before they ate dinner, before they were in the company of anyone else on the ship. It was important. They got into the turbolift.
The door to the hydroponics bay opened at her presence.
"Now I'm really curious," said Noah, chuckling.
But she merely smiled at him and led him to the work bench, and the two stools. "Here, sit please," she said. This was where they'd first spent any time alone together, where she'd watched him perfecting his magic elixir, waiting for instructions. She'd been given the chance to observe him up close, to hear how his mind worked, to see the muscles in his jaw working, the sparkle in his eyes.
She turned him so that he was facing the other stool, then perched there. Her heart was pounding so hard her ribs almost hurt.
"Okay," he said. "Here I sit."
His legs were so long that she stood, moved them apart and scooted her stool closer. Perching again, she let herself really look into his eyes. Brown eyes that reminded her of rich chocolate. He had a grin playing on the corner of his mouth that she barely noticed. She leaned forward and touched the side of his face and the grin disappeared. Her fingertips traveled across his cheekbone until the palm of her hand rested on his cheek. He was right there with her, and she let him in through the skin of her hand. He reached up and covered it with his.
Her heartbeat slowed. Chocolate, rich, rich chocolate drew her in and she didn't resist. But it was time. She moved her head, and kissed him. A gentle kiss that he instantly returned, that didn't make her want to giggle, that progressed to another kiss and another, that sent shock waves of the most incredible warmth throughout her entire body, that made her lightheaded. The feel of his lips moving with hers was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. His hand was still on hers.
He increased the pressure of the kisses and she followed his lead, wanting more. His mouth opened further and she knew what he was asking for, she'd been well schooled. She opened her mouth, too, and let him in, again. The instant she tasted him, she was completely overcome. She knew him. She knew the all of him. He was Noah; he was light, and heat, and love. She moved again, wrapping her arms around his neck, sliding off the stool, and pulling herself to him as tightly as she could.
He held her. And kissed her. And moaned softly. And finally broke them apart, breathing heavily. She was out of breath, too, and rested her head on his shoulder. She knew him. She almost cried.
Walking to the mess hall, hand in hand, she came to a conclusion. B'El had been right. You really could tell a lot about a person from his kiss.
They had some food that Neelix had prepared for them alone and sat in the mess hall and talked. They talked and they talked. Then went to the holodeck and talked more. Noah told her that the forest reminded him of some he'd visited as a child. It turned out he'd grown up very near to Da, near the Academy. His family still lived in Sacramento, as hers did in San Francisco. She took him to the fern lined ravine, and they sat on the bank of the stream and kissed.
Her one moment of embarrassment came when the door to her cabin opened, with Noah at her side. He'd said he wanted to say good night to her fathers, but that wasn't going to happen. Da and Tayo weren't doing anything different than they often did - sleep on the couch. But Da's head was in Tayo's lap, and the man sitting was slouching enough so that his arm was resting on Da's chest, being held there in sleep by the man on his back. She was mortified by how undignified they looked to the crew member whose hand she clutched tightly.
"I'm sorry," she started to say, but Noah put a finger on her lips.
"Shhh, it's okay. They're just sleeping, in their own home. Kinda nice, actually, to see them being so, well, normal."
She felt like giggling, so she took them back out into the corridor. But once there, she didn't quite know what to do.
"Walk me to the lift?" Noah asked.
"Okay."
"So - tomorrow after dinner?"
"Yes," she confirmed.
They stood, waiting the thirty seconds it took for the lift to arrive. Impulsively, since there was no one in the corridor, she hugged his chest, taking one last whiff of him. He held her. The lift doors opened.
Noah let go. "Good evening, Captain," he said seriously.
She pulled away quickly and turned.
"Good evening, Martis, Noah," Captain Janeway answered just as seriously. Martis wasn't sure but the woman seemed to be a little unhappy.
"Good evening, Captain," she echoed Noah.
"I will see you both tomorrow." The Captain nodded to them, and after they returned the acknowledgment, she proceeded down the corridor to her cabin.
Noah stepped into the lift. "Walk me to my quarters?" He teased.
She laughed quietly and shook her head. "I've got to go and wake my dads so they know I came home on time."
"Well, okay. Good night then."
She didn't want him to leave. "How about lunch tomorrow?"
"Instead of after dinner?"
"No - in addition to."
He gave her a full blown smile. "I'd like that. I'll pick you up at 1200."
She relented. "Okay. Good night, Noah."
"Good night, Martis." He ordered the lift to his deck and the doors closed.
She turned, and slowly walked back home, but once inside she sat and looked at her fathers for a minute or so before waking them. "I love you two with all of my heart," she whispered, "but I think I might love someone else now, also. Is that going to be okay with you?"
She shook Tayo's knee and he came to gradually. Once Da woke enough to sit up, she told them she'd had a wonderful time and that she'd be seeing him again the following day. They said they were happy and stumbled off to bed.
This night, she hummed as she got ready, as she climbed under the covers with Dog. She let all of the warm feelings permeate every last cell of her body. When she'd awoken that morning, she had only dreamed of feeling like this. Of knowing what she knew. Of having her heart flutter when she thought about Noah's hand in hers. His lips on hers. His arms around her, and his chest under her cheek. She couldn't believe how good he smelled. She prayed for sleep, and welcomed it when it finally came.
Stretching out under his covers, Noah stared at the ceiling as he did most nights. James was on beta shift this rotation, and for once, Noah relished the silence and freedom of being completely alone. For once, he knew something that helped him relax fully in his bed. Captain Ransome hadn't visited his dreams in a couple of weeks, and he suspected he'd never visit again.
Noah had found what Ransome had only imagined in his trips to never-never land. In a most extraordinary twist of fate, he'd discovered a place of total peace, and acceptance. At Martis' side, he could face any demon, real or dreamed.
To him, she was an amazing young woman. He could easily get lost in the blue of her eyes. In the passion of her kisses. In the beat of her heart. He was home.
He began composing the next letter to his parents, that would be sent in just a few weeks. He told them all about someone born in the Delta Quadrant, with blond hair and blue eyes, who flew over a high bar with grace and determination. Who could pilot a shuttle, and read minds, and who had just as strong a family as he did. Whom he was certain would be in his life until the end of hers. He would cherish each day.
He smiled and rolled on his stomach. "Good night, Martis," he said into his pillow. "Sweet dreams." He fell asleep, hearing her gentle laughter.
Sitting next to Kathryn on the ready room couches, Chakotay, as he sometimes did, found himself taking a steeling breath before responding.
"I'm not sure how to answer that, Captain," he finally managed. "I think perhaps you are severely misreading the entire situation."
He could see that by the tightening around her mouth she was trying to come to terms with his forthrightness. But this was personal, and not ship's business.
"I'm not sure I'd agree with that," she said.
"In my opinion, you should. And since this is my daughter we're talking about I believe I'm a better judge of it."
"But are you? It was clear from what I saw last night that Martis is quite taken with Noah, and I know that you would do anything to give her what she wants. My concerns lie strictly with him."
"I understand that. So I can only ask that you trust me on this. He has very strong feelings for her. I'm certain of it." He knew his frustration was showing but didn't know how to stop it. Noah did not need his captain coming down on him. Not right now. When everything was so new. The young man hadn't even been to their cabin for dinner with the fathers yet. He softened his tone deliberately. "Kathryn - I know you have her best interests at heart. But please, don't do anything. Tom, Neelix and I are all behind this. We feel it's important to support them both."
"I just don't want to see her get her hopes up and then get hurt," she stated.
"Look," he answered, chuckling, "I've already given him the parental threat. I believed him when he said he didn't want to hurt Martis. But if he does, or if she does, well - that's what it's all about, isn't it? Life is messy. Love is messy. Personally, I think it's almost a miracle that they went out at all. To see her on cloud nine this morning is all a parent can ask for."
She touched his arm, nodded and stood. He had no choice but to follow her lead as she started talking about a report she was compiling to send to Command, walking them down to her desk.
Martis rang the chime on Noah's door and within a second, rang it again. Finally, it opened and she dashed in.
"Did you get one?" She asked, waving a PADD in the air.
Noah chuckled, showed that little dimple of his, and held one aloft, too. "From my parents." He opened his arms and she ran into them, getting lifted into the air, making her laugh unexpectedly at the sensation. He set her back on the deck and led her to the couch. "I'm going to have to add something to mine before sending it, they've asked me some questions I hadn't anticipated. So - from your grandmother?"
She curled up next to him, drawing her feet under her. "Yeah. She did the same thing. All kinds of things, including stuff about my fathers. I think I need to talk to them before I answer. A few of these are kind of strange."
"Do you want me to stay home tonight so you can have some privacy?"
"Oh, goodness no, Noah, you can be there. You belong, too. It's just dinner - like it's been for weeks. Neelix won't be coming tonight, he's going to sit with Naomi."
"Are you sure?"
She looked up at him, wishing she could place a hand on his forehead and take his insecurity away. She understood it, given the entire situation, but she so desperately wanted him to accept that he was being taken into the fold of her family. Her entire family.
"Yes," she answered sincerely, "I'm sure."
He wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders and pulled her tightly to him. "So," he said, "tell me what she wants to know."
She closed her eyes momentarily, breathing in the reality of being right there. With him. Opening them again, she tapped the interface.
Harry walked numbly into his cabin, found his way to the couch and sat heavily. He covered his face with his hands, telling himself over and over that it couldn't be true. It just couldn't be. He knew he should never have let Greg talk him into sending their wedding image. That was really incredibly stupid of him. His parents must have gone nuts to see it. His stomach was clenched so tightly that he was starting to get nauseous.
The door opened but he didn't move his hands. Greg sat down, pulling him into an embrace and the numbness started to recede.
"Tom told me," Greg murmured, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But maybe it's just a mistake, Har, maybe their message got lost somehow..."
The numbness left completely, and in its place was raw pain. He fell apart in Greg's arms, and cried unashamedly against his chest, feeling all the worse knowing that Greg hadn't gotten anything either.
Tom read the message from his father for the second time, and vowed it would be the last. He planned to delete the fucking thing once he was certain he'd gotten the meaning down so he could share it with Chakotay.
The admiral had again told him that he was pleased with the progress Tom had shown on Voyager. Progress toward reestablishing himself as the stellar Paris officer the elder Paris had always dreamed of. But - he stated that he was not going to support Tom's life by engaging in any discussion of Voyager's First Officer in relation to his offspring. That if Tom wanted to flaunt his life choices that was up to him, but he shouldn't expect the admiral to be impressed. No mention of Martis whatsoever.
Tom seethed. He could cope with his father's asinine and outdated attitudes toward same-sex relationships. But for the man to ignore his own grandchild was inexcusable.
Chakotay came home and told him that his message from Paris senior was to the point. The man concurred that nothing need be said again about the infamous order. Chakotay took it as a good sign. Then Tom told him about his letter.
The complicating factor was that he'd also gotten one, again, from his mother. A chatty little missive filled with family details and events. She'd, again, made a loving comment about Tom being happy, and asked in a roundabout way after Chakotay even. Then attached a letter for Martis.
The two of them had planned on telling their daughter that evening of the decision to get married. It was not a deliberate plan made to coincide with the AQ link, they'd just put it off too long, in the effort to keep the family focus on Martis and Noah. To help him feel accepted. They talked about it and decided to go ahead. It was time.