Summary: C/P.
Leone's "30 Days" challenge. Chapter Four:
Some air is cleared.
Copyright January 2002 Cassatt
"Commander, did you need
me for something?" the Doctor said.
"No," Chakotay answered, "I need to speak to the lieutenant, but it can wait a minute or two."
Tom refused to make any further eye contact with the man, but he could feel the force of Chakotay's stare burning the back of his head.
The Doctor heaved a sigh. "Perhaps, then, you could wait in my office?"
Kes held up her hand. "It's okay, Doctor, I don't mind if the Commander stays." She pulled herself to a sitting position.
"Very well. Kes, your egg has been fertilized and is in the process of implanting itself. If all things go according to plan, you will be a mother. I don't know yet how long your gestation period will be, given the Ocampan-human mix, but we'll soon be able to tell. For the next 24 hours you need to have complete bed rest. Do you have any questions?"
Tom looked at her. She was beaming, and he felt a warm spot settle in his chest at the sight.
"No, I don't," she said. "Tom, do you have any?"
His throat was almost too dry to speak, so he just shook his head. Questions? Like what the hell had he just done? Those type of questions? They were unanswerable.
The Doctor nodded, once, and gave them both his version of a smile.
"Congratulations, Kes," Chakotay said. "Now, Lieutenant, if I may have a word with you? In private?"
Tom stood unwillingly, turned, and followed the retreating back of his commanding officer into the Doctor's private domain. His heart was pounding.
Chakotay closed the door behind them and put his hands on his hips. "What the hell are you doing?!"
The reiteration of the words Tom himself had used made him turn on a dime. "I'm going to be a father, Commander, not that it's any of your business," he answered harshly.
"What happens with this crew, on this ship, is my business! So you think you're ready to be a parent?!" Chakotay's eyes were blazing.
"Excuse me?!"
"You think you've got the maturity to be a parent?!"
Tom felt the knife go straight into his heart. He went right up to the man and stood a foot away, trying to get his breathing under control. "I guess you got me there, Chak. But you wanna hear a good one? Kes wants someone to raise the child, with me, if something happens to her! You'll never believe who! YOU. But don't worry - I won't hold you to that!"
Chakotay looked stunned. "Me? Why me?"
Tom snorted in near disgust. "She has some damned fool idea that you and I should be together. She's got it all wrong, but I don't plan on telling her that." He brushed past him and left, returning to the biobed, startling the young woman lying there. He didn't turn around, hearing the sick bay doors open and shut. He closed his eyes, and willed composure. It didn't come easily.
Chakotay walked through the corridor in a daze. Getting in, then out of the turbolift, he somehow ended up in one of the cargo bays. His breathing was too shallow. He had no idea why he'd done what he'd just done. Leaning on his hands against one of the bins, he tried to calm his lungs, taking deeper and deeper breaths.
"Damn you, Tom," he muttered.
Tom felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up.
"You two had a pretty good argument," Kes said gently.
He sighed. "Yeah."
"Why do you think he was so angry?"
"No idea," he said. "Well, actually I do know. He thinks I'm too immature to be fathering a child..."
"Oh, Tom, for a smart man, you can be pretty dense," she teased.
"What - you have some big insight into our enigmatic First Officer?"
She chewed her lip in concentration, then appeared to make a decision. "Not that big. I just know how he feels about you. Remember? Telepathic?"
Tom didn't want to hear it. "That's okay, I don't need a repeat..."
"You sure do, Tom Paris," Kes said forcefully. "And you're going to listen ." She stared at him, and for some reason, he gave in. He always gave in to her. "When you and B'Elanna got captured by the Vidiians, who was it that went after you?"
He huffed. "Big deal. He always tries to protect B'Elanna."
"She's not the only one. He was here, on this biobed, getting prepared to find you, and I heard enough to tell you, unequivocally, that he loves you. You were the one his heart was crying for, Tom. Just you."
His mind went blank, again. The pounding in his chest began, again. His hands began to turn into fists.
"Damn you, Tom!" Chakotay's emotional control was fading. He could feel his throat closing as old, familiar pain made it's presence known. Tears started to burn hot trails down his cheeks as his stomach clenched into a tight knot. "Damn you," he choked out. He knew now why he'd blasted the man so harshly. Why he'd felt so, so, furious. He was jealous.
He'd been able to ignore, for the most part, Tom's various flings over the past year. Tom throwing his heterosexuality around for anyone to see. For the most part. He had broken a few dishes that no one knew about. But this, this was different. This was permanent. This was Tom acting as an adult, taking responsibility. Removing himself from the rigidly constructed cage that Chakotay had so carefully placed him in. As the irresponsible one. The playboy. The child.
Chakotay had put him there, to save his own heart. Deep down he knew that the Tom in the cage was not the Tom he'd fallen into bed with, or had fallen in love with. But as long as the young man continued to act like he was, it all worked.
He slapped the top of the bin until his palms stung, and cried.
The sound of the doors swooshing open brought his head up sharply. His aching heart stopped beating. Tom was coming at him, a look of pure fury on his face. Before he could think, Tom grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him back against another stack of bins. He felt the pile vibrate from the force of the contact.
"Who the hell do you think you are, Chakotay?!" Tom said, sharply, into his face.
He snapped, and pushed the man off of him. "Back off!"
But Tom repeated his action. "NO. I won't back off, oh high and mighty one. Not until you answer my question! Who do you think you are, to sit in judgment of ME?"
"I'm the man you fucked over, remember?! The one you used! Laughed at! Remember?!" He was so angry, he was shaking.
A look of total confusion crossed Tom's face. "What the hell are you talking about?! You're the one who dumped me!"
"You're FULL of it!" He tried to push Tom off, but couldn't get his hands up high enough. Tom was beginning to press into him. Their combined scent was making him dizzy. "Back off. Tom," he growled.
"Not until you tell me the truth," Tom said, his voice low, with an edge of steel in it. "You tell me. Why do you say I used you? Laughed at you? Did someone tell you that? Did they, Chakotay? Which one of your loyal crew members stabbed me in the back, hmm?"
"What - you expect me to believe they lied?" His mind was swirling, trying to grasp the one kernel of truth.
Tom closed his eyes and sucked in his breath. Chakotay could feel the man's energy draining, but he continued to press him against the bins. Then Tom's eyes opened, and he saw tears blurring the blue, spilling down his cheeks. His stomach turned over.
"Bastard," Tom whispered, his voice cracking.
NO, he cried to himself. No, Tom... He got his hands between them. His throat was closing again. He wiped Tom's tears with his thumb then swept his hand into that soft hair behind his head. He pulled, and kissed him, feeling his own tears fall. Then Tom responded to the kiss, and their mouths merged, the hunger increasing, the sweet, familiar taste of them overpowering him. He pulled them more tightly together and parted his lips, inviting Tom to take him, giving the man he'd hurt a small piece of control. Tom hesitated, then moaned softly and slowly thrust his tongue in. At the touch of it against his own, he came apart. He devoured that incredible mouth, and was devoured in return.
Tom's body was now pressed full length against his. Spirits, how he had missed this. How he'd missed Tom. His Tom. The man's erection was jutting against his and for a fleeting moment, he worried they would both come in their uniforms. His hunger was that great.
~ *~ *~ *~
Oh, God, Tom thought. When he could think. His Chak. Consuming him. He'd missed this so much... The taste of them. The feel of him. Chakotay...
He pulled back just enough to speak. "Tell me, Chak," he said softly, "tell me the truth."
Dark eyes looked deeply into him. "I'm sorry, Tom. I'm very, very sorry. I shouldn't have believed him. And then you left. And were captured. And it was too coincidental. And then you were here, helping them find us... I'm sorry."
He was afraid he'd start crying again. He breathed slowly. "Why couldn't you understand? I was trying to make you proud of me. I knew that you'd never take me back, because I knew you didn't really love me - but still, I wanted to prove something to you. That at least I was a Maquis. But once I got captured, I never heard from you, so I couldn't tell you what had happened. I made them come after me, so they'd be distracted, and you could get away. That's what happened."
"Fuck," Chakotay muttered.
"And do you honestly think I could have told the captain a damned thing about where you were? I would have done anything to get out of Aukland, told her anything, and I did. I made it all up. Besides, they had Tuvok's last coordinates, they didn't need me. I still don't know why she came and got me..."
Chakotay closed his eyes.
Tom's heart started to pound again. No, you have to believe me. "It's the truth, Chakotay. Honest." When the man finally looked at him again, Tom could see that he'd been believed. He breathed.
"Tom. You're wrong. About one crucial detail. I did really love you. I certainly didn't show it very well. But I meant it when I said it."
Tom bent his head and covered
Chakotay's mouth with his own, letting the man deepen the kiss and pull
them tightly together.