Summary: C/P.
Leone's "30 Days" challenge. Chapter
Five: The captain learns a basic truth about temporal
mechanics.
Copyright January 2002 Cassatt
Tom finished cleaning Chakotay off with one last lick and gently put him back in his uniform pants, grinning to himself. He hadn't forgotten exactly how his former lover liked to be brought off, and had reduced the man to a moaning mass of nothing but pure pleasure. He was, once again, slightly erect but thought he could cope with that. He straddled Chakotay, now sitting on the deck of the cargo bay, and perched on his thighs. The other man slowly opened his eyes and grinned. Tom grinned back and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss deepened immediately, intensely, and Tom let himself get lost in it.
"Mmm, you taste good," Chakotay murmured against his lips.
Tom, pulling back, chuckled softly. "You do, too, big guy."
"You know, I never imagined we'd be giving each other blow jobs in the cargo bay..."
"At least not on Voyager."
Chakotay laughed out loud. "True. I do seem to remember a few midnight dares behind the cases in the hold of the Liberty."
"The good old days," Tom half-muttered.
Chakotay caressed his face. "No, not so good, but we survived, and found each other. And that's good," he said quietly.
Tom knew he'd have to tell him what was foremost on his mind, but was very leery to do so. Would Chak take it as a reason to dump him, again? Judge him, again? He took a deep breath. "Chakotay, I'm not the same man I was, when we were together..."
"I don't think you're really all that different, Tom. More secure, maybe, that's about it."
He shook his head. "No. Something happened to me. In Aukland."
The man he loved paled and his eyes narrowed. "Tell me," Chakotay said in a low growl, "tell me who did it to you and I swear if we ever get back there I'll kill him..."
Tom grabbed his hands. "No, Chak, you won't. You swore off revenge, remember, it didn't work before and it won't work now. Besides, the asshole didn't exactly rape me. He tried. It didn't work."
"What do you mean, it didn't work?"
He could feel himself begin to shake, and hated himself for it. But he had to tell him. "The guy and a few of his friends jumped me. I usually tried to stay clear, keep to myself, you know. They shoved something up inside of me, I didn't see it, then he tried to rape me, but for some reason he couldn't keep it up. He ran off, and luckily for me, a guard came by - he took me to the infirmary, they patched me up. Didn't want me telling tales to my mother, I guess..."
"You say it all very matter-of-factly, Tom. But you're shaking..."
Tom interrupted him. "I'm fine," he said harshly. Seeing the reaction on Chakotay's face, he relented. "Well, I'm not exactly fine, but I'm close. I haven't been with a man since then. I want to be with you."
Their eyes locked together, unasked questions with no clear answers passing back and forth between them.
Kathryn Janeway sat on the edge of Kes's own bed. She was taking in both the fact that this young woman now looked somehow more mature, and somehow calmer than she normally did. Considering Kes was perhaps the most serene member of her crew, Kathryn was questioning her own perceptions. She did not, however, like what the woman was saying.
"Nothing," Kathryn reiterated, "is going to happen to you, Kes."
"Captain, I'm just trying to prepare for any contingencies. And even if I live to my full life expectancy, that's only nine years. My child has human genes, too, so we don't know if, at nine, he or she will be full grown or still a child."
"And what about Neelix? Won't he be part of the child's life?"
Kes sighed, but smiled. "At the moment, I can't exactly rely on him. He'll come around, though, he's just a bit upset."
"Do you need me to talk to him?" Kathryn was more worried about their chief cook than she wanted to let on. She also did not want any jealousies to disrupt the equilibrium of the ship. And Tom's attentions to Kes could very definitely be problematic. She was beginning to regret having listened to the admiral.
Chakotay twisted his hands inside Tom's grasp and laced their fingers, pressing their palms together. He didn't break the eye lock, but looked deeply into Tom's blue, blue irises. He wasn't sure how to express to the man straddling his thighs just how much he needed to be able to do that. To see Tom clearly. Without hurt. Or anger. Or defiance.
There was one thing he could say, however. "I'm not going anywhere, Tom."
Tom closed his eyes. This time, when he opened them again, there was only a glistening of tears, and no hurt. "Neither am I, Chak."
He pulled Tom's hands up to his lips and kissed them. "Good. Because we've got some business to take care of," he said. "Firstly, we've got to talk to the captain."
"Why?" Tom said sharply.
"I'm the First Officer, and you and I are going to be above board. Open. I don't want what happened before to happen here. The captain will be fine, I'm sure - she seems to be a truly good person. And she's definitely a fan of yours. Okay?" He felt very sure of this.
Tom sighed. "Okay. What else?"
"We need to see Kes."
He watched the clouds return to Tom's eyes and felt a stab in his own heart. "Spirits, Tom," he said gently. "I'm sorry I said those nasty things to you in the Doctor's office. I hope you know I really didn't mean them. I think you'll be a fine father. Much better than yours. I'm proud that you've taken on the responsibility. And I'd be honored if you'd let me help you, parent your child..."
"Why did you say them?"
He took a deep breath, and sent a prayer up. "I was jealous. I was afraid you'd end up marrying Kes."
A smile blossomed across Tom's face and he couldn't help but return it. "That's exactly what she claimed," Tom said. "It pissed me off."
Still smiling, he said, "Well, yes, I can see how it might have done that." He took another breath. "But you haven't answered. Will you let me co-parent with you, if it comes to that?"
~ *~ *~ *~
Tom wanted to pinch himself, but he didn't want to let go of the warm hands entwined with his. The strong, bronze hands that had given him more pleasure in the short time he and Chakotay were lovers, than anyone else's, before or since. Would he let this man help him parent a child, his child? "Of course," he said quietly. "And thank you for saying you're proud of me."
"I love you, Tom."
This time, his tears were not coming from pain. He never thought he'd hear those words again, much less believe them.
Kes told Kathryn that she didn't really need her help in talking with Neelix, and Kathryn only hoped the young woman was right. She had to trust Kes's instincts. And her own instincts were telling her that it was time fall back on her original plan. She'd let the three people work this out themselves. No more interfering.
"Captain, there is something I think you should be aware of," Kes said.
She didn't miss the tone in her voice. That certain, soft, Kes will gently brook no arguments tone. She smiled at her and nodded.
"I believe Tom will have help with the child, when I'm gone."
"Well, of course, he will. We'll all help him out."
"No - I mean there's someone particularly special to him. I've told him that I expect the two of them to do this together. And I'm hoping they've worked it all out. It's about time they did - they've both been miserable since they broke up."
Kathryn was feeling confused again. The door chime rang, and Kes called for entrance. Her confusion increased exponentially to see who walked in. Tom, holding hands with her First Officer Chakotay. Kes clapped her hands in pure delight as both men greeted first their captain, then the woman in bed. Kathryn got up to give them room, and to give herself time to process.
She watched Chakotay promise Kes that he'd do whatever he could for her child, and then receive a blessing in return. It was amazing to see the transformation in the two men, to see their hostility completely gone. Just to see how they looked at each other. She remembered something her grandmother had said to her, as they'd discussed a book she'd had to read for school.
"There's a fine line between hatred and love, Katie. Both strong emotions, capable of pushing people to do what they wouldn't normally consider doing..."
~ *~ *~ *~
As soon as she returned to her quarters, Kathryn sent out a transmission to the admiral's ship, to tell her of the latest development. Since it concerned Chakotay, she made the assumption that the older woman would want to know that he had been involved with Tom, and they'd been reunited. But there was no response to her hails. She double checked the frequency, but it had been correctly set. Her heart once again thudding against her ribs, she ran a sensor sweep for any indication that the vessel, that any vessel, had been within a light year of Voyager. Nothing showed.
Kathryn's heart slowed, as her resistance to understanding temporal mechanics faded momentarily. The admiral had disappeared, because her interference was no longer needed. Whatever happened to Tom that had devastated him so, was all taken care of. Before it had even occurred.
Admiral Kathryn Janeway was obsessed. If anyone had bothered to ask her, she'd have freely admitted it. Her obsession was simple. Tuvok. If they'd been able to get back to the Alpha Quadrant sooner than they had, much sooner, her oldest and dearest friend would not have died. There were a number of treatments for his degenerative disorder - highly successful treatments, that had been around for years. He shouldn't have died the way he did.
Now that the admiral had access to classified time travel technology, albeit experimental technology, she'd come up with a plan to return to the seventh year of their journey and send Voyager home. The ablative shielding would work, she was certain. The Borg conduit would work, she was certain of that, too. She only had to get her hands on the technology, and nothing would stop her from doing just that.
If she could get them home within
that time frame, other things might be different, too. Different in a good
way. If Martis had had the chance to meet her grandparents before she'd
died, Owen Paris might have felt differently about his son. That would
have changed everything.