Summary:  C/P,  KT's CPSG "Halloween" challenge.  Part Seven:  What was lost?  What's been found?
Copyright October 2001 Cassatt

Chakotay could tell from the look on Neelix's face that his personal feelings were not being hidden well enough. He tried to put on his commander's mask, if for no other reason than to keep Neelix from panicking. He needed two clear heads to accompany him on his search.

"Communications with Tom, Harry and Greg have been lost," Chakotay stated.

"For how long, Commander?" Tuvok said, though in a tone less strident than Chakotay would have expected.

"I'm not sure - I didn't know until just a few minutes ago. Have either of you seen them since breakfast?"

"No, sir, I haven't," Neelix said. "We were deep into our research. It's been interesting..." He stopped himself, realizing rightly his commander didn't care at that moment. He wouldn't either, if he were in the older man's shoes.

"Neither have I," Tuvok agreed.

"Very well, we'll start looking for them in the back hallway. Tom left a while ago to do the same." Chakotay turned and headed off, aware the others were with him, but not taking the time to acknowledge it. He honestly did not feel he had it to waste.

Tom was beginning to believe he was completely out of his league. Harry was still somewhere far away from Umbra, God knew where, but he sure wasn't in the here and now. The door was still locked tight. And their combadges still didn't work. And he still wished he and a certain man with phenomenal eyes had really just stayed in bed. This time to make love with candles and lamps burning brightly, washing Chakotay with a golden glow as his face loomed over him, getting blurry when he got closer, then disappearing completely when he kissed him... deeply... Tom shook himself and opened his eyes. "Harry, we've got to get out of here so I can find my boyfriend..." he said, not expecting the man to understand a word.

Harry turned to him. "When did you get a boyfriend, Tom?"

It was said with such clarity that Tom was momentarily confused. "You know, Chakotay - we became lovers yesterday. You remember, don't you?"

Harry studied the wall behind Tom's head. "But I thought the commander went to his home planet once we got back... did you visit him there? Do you think I could? Now that I've got no.... no home?" Harry started to cry again.

Good grief, Tom thought, putting his arm around his best friend, gently rocking them together.

Between Chakotay and Tuvok's memory, they followed a fairly exact route toward the far back hall with the now infamous doorway. All seemed totally normal, or Umbran normal, as they walked the darkened passageways. It wasn't until they came close to a juncture, where the hall they were in would end, that any notion of normal became irrelevant. Chakotay, being in the lead, saw it first. His hands got clammy and his heart started to hammer. Tuvok's voice finally registered.

"...a tricorder," the Vulcan was saying.

Chakotay was still walking. "What I wouldn't give for a tricorder," he muttered, not really caring what Tuvok had actually said. Then he turned around to speak to him directly, and saw that Neelix had ceased following altogether. "Neelix!"

Neelix hurried to him, locking eyes firmly. "I'm sorry, Commander."

"It's okay, but I need your help," Chakotay said in a softer tone.

He puffed out his chest a bit. "Don't worry, we'll find 'em."

Chakotay clapped him gently on the shoulder. "Thank you Neelix, I'm counting on that. Now," he said, turning back to the juncture, addressing Tuvok as well, "let's go and see what that is."

Without meaning to, they proceeded at a slower pace, finally stopping altogether when they reached it. They were looking at what Chakotay could only describe later as the absence of what should have been there. Walls, floor, furniture, ceiling were simply - not there. It was dark, but there was no depth to the darkness, no shadows could be seen, it was nothingness. It was also some type of forcefield. They tried to breach the barrier and could not. They weren't repelled by inflicted pain, just a force strong enough to keep them out of the space. Chakotay tried to call out to their comrades without success.

"Any ideas?" he said.

Tuvok's eyes were closed. When he opened them, his brows were definitely pointing downward. "Like the place of Erebus, on the way to Hades, this is darker than it seems."

"We need to get in there, however," Chakotay replied. He couldn't dare voice what they were all thinking. If the men were dead, they'd have to retrieve the bodies. They weren't about to leave them there.

"What we need is an evasive maneuver," Neelix said with a small smile.

"An alternate route," Tuvok agreed.

"Yes, Mr. Vulcan, an alternate route, around the asteroid field," Neelix agreed in turn.

Chakotay listened to their talk, somewhat amazed at the almost nonverbal communication between the two. "An alternate route..." he muttered half to himself.

Neelix clapped his hands together. "Yes, yes, look, Commander, this doorway here." He walked to a door a few meters away and opened it. After peering in, he looked back at them expectantly. "This room is too dark and long for me to see the other end, but perhaps there's a door down there, that will put us closer to the center of this..."

"We will need illumination," Tuvok said, studying the wall sconces.

Any action was better than none, Chakotay reasoned. "Let's see if we can take these off the walls somehow," he said, agreeing with Tuvok's idea, grabbing a chair and climbing up. Tuvok followed and between the two of them, they managed to pull off what kept the lamp fastened. Neelix held it while they did the same with two others.

They entered the room and what they saw momentarily surprised them. It appeared to be a classroom. They walked by rows of small, wooden desks, covered in cobwebs. This was the first time they'd seen any indication of dirt or total abandonment. Most of the room was still too dark to make out much, but Chakotay thought he could detect a larger desk facing the smaller ones. "Some things don't change, clear across a galaxy," he said quietly.

"Indeed," Tuvok said, "judging by the size of these desks one can deduce this classroom was intended for small children."

"I've found another door," Neelix called.

Chakotay shook himself out of the reverie and hurried to his side with Tuvok right behind. Neelix opened it as they arrived. The nothingness was here, too. Instinctively, they put their lamps directly up against the edge of it, but it was as if the light was simply swallowed up in the darkness, for no illumination permeated the space, or was reflected back. Chakotay pushed a lamp in and it went without resistance. Then he tried to make verbal contact again, calling each man in turn, but they got no response.

Tom, are you there... He looked at his companions. "I'm going in," he stated.

"Commander, I must remind you that as the senior officer, you are not the first choice in a situation like this," Tuvok replied.

"A situation like this?" he snapped. Though Tuvok showed no reaction, Chakotay apologized immediately. Then tried to calm himself.

"Let me go, Commander," Neelix said. "I'll just take one step in - someone hold on to me - then we'll know how to proceed."

Chakotay looked closely at him. He could see the man wanted to help - not just to find his friends, but to help him personally. He looked afraid, but determined. Chakotay wasn't inclined to deny him. "Okay, Neelix. I'll hold on to you. Let's do it." Neelix nodded.

"Mr. Neelix," Tuvok said, "remember your breathing."

"Yes, Mr. Tuvok."

Tom, holding a gently crying Harry, continued to try and wrap his brain around his current situation. He would do anything for his best friend. He just didn't know what it was that would help him. Harry clearly thought he was back on Earth, that they all were. He thought he had no home - but why the hell would he think that? The Kims were anxiously waiting, Tom was certain. Harry was their beloved child, their wonder boy. "Sh-h, Har, don't cry," he said softly.

When he felt the light touch on his hair, he thought it was an insect, and tried to brush it away. Instead of disappearing, it turned into what seemed to be fingers running through his hair, barely touching his scalp. He looked down, and as he suspected, Harry's hand was still resting on his own thigh. His first thought was a question. Why didn't he feel afraid?

Chakotay held onto Neelix's hand, and for caution's sake, allowed Tuvok to anchor him firmly in the room by holding his free one. He made final eye contact with the Talaxian and with a confident nod, the man stepped into the deep darkness. He felt Neelix's hand clench harshly and he briefly wondered if he'd have to ask Tom to use the regenerator on it. Tom. His pulse raced a bit as he blocked out all possibilities that the man he'd finally allowed himself to love was anything but fine. He took a deep breath and dropped his mask back in place.

Within a minute, Neelix was stepping backwards so Chakotay pulled gently to help. He took one look at him and his heart sank. If it was possible for Neelix's spots to pale, they would have. He looked terrified.

"What's in there?" Chakotay asked, trying his hardest to stay calm and not jump through the doorway.

"I... I'm not sure... I couldn't see anything, not even the hand in front of my face, Commander. And definitely not the lamp. I tried to call them - could you hear me?" Neelix was still clutching his hand.

"No, we didn't hear anything. Did the sound travel in there, do you think?"

"Possibly, though I can't be certain. I thought I might have heard a response, and it could have been Greg, but it might have been ... my imagination. I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry, Neelix, you did fine," he said, smiling at him reassuringly. Neelix finally let go and looked to Tuvok, taking some slow breaths. Chakotay wracked his brain, almost desperately trying to think of an idea. He picked up his lamp and considered, again, just going in there himself, Tuvok be damned. That's when he heard it. A child's laugh. So soft he almost missed it. Then he heard it again and slowly turned around, aware that the other two were doing the same thing.

Tom stayed perfectly still. The hand, what he took to be a hand, was small, and moved from his hair down his cheek, where it lightly stroked him. Then he felt the barest hint of breath on his ear. Followed by some very faint words. "...your friend needs you..."

"Yes," Tom answered, surprised at himself for doing so. "Yes," he repeated, "he does, but I don't know what to do for him."

"...talk..."

"What? I couldn't hear you."

"...talk to him..."

Talk to him? How would that help? Harry was in another reality. And upsetting reality. He was just about to ask another question, when he felt one more stroke on his cheek and whomever it was leave. Just like Chakotay had described to him. The tattoo-tracer.... Tom looked at Harry, still sniffling quietly on his shoulder. Yes, he realized. Talk.

Greg stayed curled up on what he took to be the floor. Without visual or auditory stimulation, time gradually became as meaningless as space had. He'd been thinking about a lot of things, letting his mind wander freely as he tried to keep from considering his situation. He stayed away from the frightening Delta Quadrant things, however. Feeling a bit regretful that he'd never gotten Tom to speak about his prison experiences, he imagined a survivor like Tom would have imparted a few things that could have helped him right then. Things to help him retain his sanity - which was rapidly eroding. He himself had never been in prison, though he'd come close a few times. So what if in prison you could see and hear - you couldn't move freely and you probably couldn't really take care of yourself. Or anyone else. Like Harry. Not that a strong man like Harry needed taking care of, not under normal circumstances, anyway. Man, he'd looked cute that morning when he woke up. What the hell had happened to him? Was he all right? Did anyone even know they were missing? Why would they? Maybe only a few minutes had passed, he'd have to be gone for hours, by then he might not even know his name...

It was in the middle of these particularly morbid ramblings that he thought he heard Neelix's voice. Very muffled, but it sounded like him. Feeling exceedingly hopeful for the first time, Greg lifted his head and called out. Stupid move. He still couldn't see anything. And except for the sound of his own breathing, he heard nothing. He went back into himself, consciously curling into a tighter ball than before, and waited.

"Greg..."

Now he was imagining Chakotay's voice, coming nearer, calling his name repeatedly. He ignored it. Then a hand touched him on the shoulder and he froze. The hand moved across his back to his neck, feeling for his pulse, then up to his head, gently probing him.

"Greg, are you okay? It's me, Chakotay... I know you can't see me... please move, let me know you're still conscious," the voice said. It was soft, and gentle, made of velvet, just like Chakotay's voice. "Look, I don't think he's going to get up by himself, help me, please..."

Then more hands touched him, pulling on him, and he didn't like it. He sat up and tried to quickly scuttle away from them.

"Greg! Stop! That's an order!" Chakotay said, clearly, decisively.

He couldn't believe it. "Commander? It's really you?" He honestly couldn't believe it. He almost cried and wouldn't have been ashamed to do it.

"Yes, it's really me," he said, and Greg could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. "Can you stand? I'm going to help you out of here, and listen - I can't see either...."

This confused him, but he trusted his friend, so he stood shakily. When he felt a strong arm around his waist and inhaled that unique scent, he grabbed the other man and let him guide. "Harry ... did you find Harry?" he almost frantically asked. After another few steps he felt a bit stronger.

"I was told he wasn't here with you. No, we haven't found him. Or Tom," Chakotay answered in a more subdued voice.

Tom was missing, too? "Cap, don't worry, we will. We'll find 'em both," he said with more faith than he felt at that moment. He squeezed the shoulder beneath his hand, assuring his commanding officer he'd do whatever it took. Chakotay returned the sentiment, patting his side with affection.

Harry sat on the stoop outside his parents' home and rested against Tom's chest. His friend was asking him questions - questions he wasn't sure he had answers to. How could he explain what they'd seen? He couldn't. Why was he here? He shouldn't be, was the obvious answer. Would Tom understand that he just couldn't tell him how much it hurt? How much he'd wanted to see his home again? Where he didn't belong.... Why was he here?

"The music, Tom. I shouldn't have followed the music," he said. "That was my mistake."

"But we did follow it, didn't we. And it took us to...." Tom was deliberately leaving it unasked. He was very clever that way. Much cleverer than Harry had ever been. Why did the blond, vivacious man choose him as a friend?

Chakotay, pulling Greg into the classroom, did not want to admit how relieved he was that his sight returned. His companion, however, was more than willing to express his emotions at the vision of Tuvok and Neelix holding lamps up high. He cried out, and would have fallen to his knees if Chakotay hadn't caught him.

Tuvok asked them both questions. Neelix patted Greg on his shoulder repeatedly. And Chakotay's mind was already on to their next mission. So it wasn't until they began to leave that he realized he'd never thanked his helpers. He looked into the gloom toward the desks, expecting to see the children sitting and standing on them, as he had earlier. But he saw no one. Not even the barest hint of a figure. He didn't hear any laughter either. He was acutely disappointed they were gone, much to his own surprise.

Tom was getting frustrated again. Harry wouldn't really answer his questions, wouldn't explain what it was that had upset him, yet he'd get as rigid as a board if Tom even mentioned why they were sitting wherever it was they were sitting. 'The music' was Harry's pat answer to just about everything. Well, okay, Harry, what about the music was a mistake....

"You know, Har, you always used to tell me that your parents wanted you to study music and not go to the Academy," he said as casually as he could. "So I used to wonder why you saved up all those rations to replicate yourself a clarinet, if it really wasn't what you wanted to do with your life?"

Bingo. Harry sprang up and began to pace, his hands clenched, his hair falling over his eyes. "Maybe that was my mistake, Tom, I shouldn't have done that. That's how they knew it wasn't really me..." His voice cracked and to Tom's dismay, the tears started anew.

Greg described the direction in which Harry had been going, and to Chakotay, it made some sense. At least why Tom was with him. He must have run into Harry on his journey to wherever. And knowing Tom, he would have stuck to him like glue, no matter what his orders were. Whenever they got back to Voyager, Chakotay decided, he'd need to have a long talk with Kathryn, for he could find no fault in his lover's actions. It only endeared the man to him more. He was certainly head over heels, for he was fully aware of the fact that in the past he would have spent an inordinate amount of time thinking of the most creative punishment he could for Tom. Those were the hours he actually allowed himself extended periods to think about the man. He knew that if his superior officer had been conscious of exactly how much time he wasted coming up with disciplinary actions for her reclamation project, she wouldn't have been surprised. She would have told him to get off his ass, for the umpteenth time, and ask him out. He chuckled out loud at the thought, remembering too late that he was walking with three others.

"Commander, is everything all right," Greg said quietly, at his side.

They had reached the entrance foyer. "Fine, Greg, just thinking about something funny Tom said this morning," he lied.

Greg smiled at him. He leaned in closer. "Then I agree with you. Tom is good for you. So let's find him. And Harry."

Chakotay studied the man out of the corner of his eye, keeping the chuckle to himself this time. Perhaps there was a bit more kismet in action on this mission than he'd thought. Harry and Greg?

"Which way should we go now," Neelix asked anxiously.

"I believe we can make a small deduction to begin with," Tuvok said. "Mr. Neelix, you and I did not see them, and we were working in the rooms off the back of the lounge. There are two choices of corridor that are in a generally straight path from where we came. I suggest we take the first one on the right there."

"Excuse me for saying so, Lieutenant," Greg said, "but that could take a long time. Perhaps if we split up..."

Chakotay spoke before Tuvok had the chance to. "No. No splitting up. We stick together."

"I concur with your assessment of the situation, Commander." Tuvok's eyebrows stayed firmly in place.

Greg shrugged his shoulders, though Chakotay could see he wasn't happy. "Greg, I understand, believe me. I want to find them quickly, too. We start down that hallway, open each door we find and just keep moving as fast as we can." Greg responded by nodding his head. "Good. As our captain would say, let's do it."

"Harry, what do you mean, who's they?" Tom had encouraged his friend to sit next to him again and, though agitated, he'd done it.

"Oh God, Tom....," Harry moaned quietly.

Tom took his hand. "You can tell me and it'll be okay. Honest. I'd do anything for you, Har, you know that." His throat was beginning to close as Harry's pain moved through him in a wave. "Who's they?"

"Dad... and Mom...," he whispered.

Tom was stunned. His parents thought he wasn't really Harry? That's what he believed? Oh my God. What the hell was going on here? Who was fucking with his friend's head? "...talk to him..." He took a very deep breath. "Harry, listen to me - those people you saw - they were not your parents."

Harry snorted. "Of course they were. I know what my own parents look like."

"No, you don't understand. You're not on Earth. We're still in the Delta Quadrant."

Harry stared at him like he had two heads.

They were rapidly checking each doorway as they went down the hall but then hit a snag in the plan. Chakotay opened a door and was faced with the choice of another hall. Damn, he thought.

"Tom, that's ridiculous," Harry muttered. "I remember getting home..."

"Look, do you remember when you ended up in that other dimension, back in San Francisco and another Tom helped you out?"

"Yeah."

"This is the same thing. Except you're in the other dimension and I'm not."

"Tom..."

"No, really, I wouldn't lie to you. I've never lied to you." Tom's mind raced, trying to find the key. "That other Tom. He believed you, didn't he, that's what you told me. He believed you even though he had no reason to. Didn't he?"

"Yes."

"So you need to believe me now. I am in the Delta Quadrant. I'm in a building, on the planet Umbra. We've been here for one night. You spent the night with Greg. I spent the night with Chakotay. We're due back on Voyager tomorrow."

Harry was quiet for a minute. "The protector," he said, half to himself.

"Yes! That's right, Greg is the protector, remember?" Harry met his eyes and Tom could see some clarity returning. He waited.

"You and Chakotay..." He gave a slight grin. "Did you know he's got feelings for you, Tom? Greg told me."

Tom smiled. "Yeah, Harry, I know. He loves me. We made love last night..."

Harry punched him in the arm. "Really? I didn't know! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did tell you. At breakfast. Remember?" He watched another layer of clarity return.

"What happened to me, Tom?" Harry said softly.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out. But there's an even more important thing we need to talk about. Your parents. And you."

Harry shook his head.

Chakotay left the door to the new hallway open and called the other three to his side. Tuvok reasoned that the missing two wouldn't have gone through any doors that were closed, given Harry's seeming state of mental confusion, but Greg respectfully disagreed, citing the willingness Harry had shown the night before when they were chasing the, well, the whatever it was. He thought it looked to him as though Harry was following something that morning, too. Chakotay told them it was irrelevant what they thought Harry might or might not do, they'd have to follow every hall in some sort of order. So they'd start down this new one, leaving the door open, checking every other doorway they came across. Then backtrack when they reached the end and return to the hall they were standing in. They proceeded with this plan.

"You trust me, right Harry? Didn't I just prove to you that I'm not lying?" Tom stared at his best friend, who nodded. "You made some comments before, that make me think ... um, that you don't believe you're the right Harry. That your parents, once we do get to Earth, are going to reject you. Is that what happened earlier?"

Harry's eyes filled. "I don't remember what I said, but I think I remember what I saw..."

Tom waited.

So Harry described what he'd seen at his home, and Tom's heart broke for him. He understood parental rejection better than most.

"Is it because of what happened to you? How you came onto Voyager?"

Harry nodded, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Shit," Tom said. "Look, I don't pretend to understand what happened. But I know this. You are Harry. My friend. Everything you remember is what the other Harry remembered. At least as much as you've shared with me. And just so you know - you both replicated a clarinet and he never explained why. So I'd guess his reasons were the same as yours."

"You think so?"

Their plan hit a major snag, this time, when they found two more hallways. Following one of them, they then found another branching off of it. At that point, they stopped by mutual, silent consent. "Damn it," Chakotay spat out. He felt as though he were slowly, very slowly, going completely crazy.  Gene or no gene.  At that moment, all he wanted was to be sitting somewhere with his feet up, Tom by his side, Harry and Greg and Neelix, and yes, even Tuvok sitting nearby. Doing nothing. He rubbed his eyes and tried to breathe.

"Commander, if I might make a suggestion," Tuvok said.

"Give me a minute, Tuvok. In fact, let's take a break. I need to think," he replied. He walked a couple of meters to a chair and sat, closed his eyes and ignored the other three. The urge to do this had been strong. But now that he was relaxed, he wasn't certain what he was supposed to think about. The longing he'd felt for Tom when he'd come out of his vision quest was now turning into a full fledged throbbing ache in his chest. He knew now that his lover was physically all right. Harry's mental stability was anyone's guess. But for some reason, he was sure that Tom was fine. Just lost. Separated from him. He felt like screaming. Instead, he tried a deep, cleansing breath.

Someone touched his tattoo. No, not someone. The boy. Tracing it, again, slowly but with more sureness. He opened his eyes and this time, he could see him. Not fully corporeal by any means, he could make out the wall through the boy's chest. But the black eyes were solid. When he wondered why he'd appeared, the boy took his hand and pulled. Chakotay stood. The child began to walk, holding his hand. He went along with it.

"Where are you going, Commander?" Tuvok asked.

"I'm going to find Tom and Harry," he said, and knew it to be true. He also knew the others could not see his friend. He ordered them to come with him, explaining as they walked that another child, like the ones who'd helped them traverse the nothingness to retrieve Greg was with them now. He left it at that. The boy smiled up at him then and he smiled in return. The ache in his chest began to dissipate.

"Harry, your parents love you. They'll welcome you with open arms," Tom stated emphatically.

Harry smiled gently. "They'll be happy to meet you, too."

"Well, the first thing I'll tell them is how you saved my life. In more ways than one."

"You're my friend, Tom," Harry said simply.

"So that means you believe me, then?" Tom crossed his arms.

Harry shrugged. "Yeah, I do. Or enough to think about things some more."

Tom grinned. "Maybe you could talk to Greg some. Tonight. In bed." He watched with delight as Harry blushed. Yes! he cheered silently.

"So how's the commander? In bed?" Harry grinned broadly.

"You don't really want me to answer that, do you? Cause if you thought I went on and on before - now, well, I warn you, I'll probably be completely out of control..."

The boy-child led Chakotay and the others back to the original hallway, then through three more until they arrived at a doorway. He simply stood, holding Chakotay's hand, in front of it. The man tried the doorknob but it didn't turn. He knocked, but the motion made no sound. He looked at the child, who immediately let go and vanished through the door.

"Chakotay," Greg said.

"I don't know what to tell you, but he's gone, to the inside. It'll be fine. They're in there."

Tom felt someone tap him on the shoulder. Not someone. The tattoo-tracer. He turned and was surprised that he could just barely make out his form. Or at least an outline. So it was a boy. Maybe. Who was motioning to Harry and then to the doorway. Tom looked at him carefully. The child repeated the action.

"Harry, why don't you try the door?" Tom stood.

Harry shrugged and stood as well. "Why don't you?"

So Tom did. The knob did not turn. He glanced at the child, who was pointing rather dramatically to Harry, and then the door, over and over, with one hand on his hip. Tom smiled. "I think you're the only one who can get us out of here," he said, looking into Harry's brown eyes.

"This place is too weird," Harry muttered as he grabbed the doorknob. And opened the door.

Neither of them had any idea that the others would come bursting through within the nanosecond. Tom only caught a glimpse of the greetings happening between the other four. He was swept into a tight, very, very welcomed embrace by the man with the phenomenal eyes. His heart leapt, then melted as it beat against Chakotay's.

Chakotay held on as long as he could. Screw propriety, he thought dimly. He no longer hurt. Tom was no longer lost. They had much to talk about. He prayed to the spirits of his grandfathers that Tom was ready.
 
 
 

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